Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to insist 20m DS eats in his high chair/at the table?

33 replies

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 11:58

There's lots of things I don't get too hung up over, but good table manners is something I think is important for DS to have from an early age. And to be fair, he's always been good and sat in his high chair for meals. Even if we're not all eating at the same time I always sit down with him and at least have a cup of tea so he recognises that eating is a sociable thing.

It's really important to me as I come from a family where we all like to have meals together and are quite sociable, and I want DS to fit in with that, and be able to go out for meals without it being a big deal.

However, all of a sudden, he won't eat proper meals (another issue in itself) and just wants to wander around the house snacking. Not only do I not really want to be scraping banana off the sofa and clearing crumbs up off the floor, I think it's important that he doesn't get into that habit. And at the moment, we can't really go out for a meal with anyone full stop, unless we coincide it with his sleep, or we just end up taking it in turns legging it around after him and it's more trouble than its worth.

I know it probably sounds a bit uptight but surely it's not too young for him to start learning?

OP posts:

nailpolish · 05/06/2008 12:00

you jsut have to reinforce it

just keep repeating yourself and dont give snack between meals - unless at the table

maybe its the hight chair he doesnt like

Thomcat · 05/06/2008 12:02

My DD2 went and is still to some extent going through this. She sat beautifully for so long, then she got busy being a toddler and decided that she didn't really have the time in her busy schedule to stop and eat. Meals started to look like they might become a battle field which is not what I want. So I allowed some freedom. I'd want the main part of the meal eaten at the table, then I'd allow her a wander and then come back and finish off. Or possible to allow fruit to be eaten in the garden or to let her sit on the floor in the kitchen to have her fruit. I just found that that way she still had some table manners going on but we weren't having tantrums and refusal to eat at all.

RuthChan · 05/06/2008 12:03

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
I have the same attitude with my 19 month old DD.

stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2008 12:04

could be it's the high chair that is the issue. Could it be converted into something where he can get himself up and down? DD is more or less the same age, and we took the 'baby kit' off her trip trap chair ages ago. She always sits up for meals when asked, and if she goes to get down gets asked "have you finished?" If she has, she hands her plate to me/DH and then she can get down. Otherwise, she gets asked to sit back up.

We have a very occasional meltdown when she is very tired, and she ends up on my lap for cuddles - but not to eat. If she wants to eat, she goes back to her chair.

margoandjerry · 05/06/2008 12:05

Oh god I insist on the table for all food. Scraping food of every surface of the table is bad enough but all throughout the house? No way!

I don't think you're being uptight.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 12:08

Aye...that's what I've been doing. And at the moment he's choosing not to eat, which I'm trying not to get too hung up about, as I assume he will eat when he's hungry.

It's just that we had a real battle of wills at my mum's birthday meal recently, he wouldn't sit at the table and in the end we just thought we'd ignore him having a tantrum so he'd learn. But unfortunately it didn't work and he went on screaming for over 20 minutes and ruined the whole meal. It's things like that that make me doubt myself, but then what are the options? Never eat out again until he's old enough to behave? Eat in shifts while one of us chases him around the garden? I just don't know what to do, and other people I know don't seem to have these problems with their kids. I don't know why he's suddenly gone like this, I'm assuming its just a stage.

OP posts:

margoandjerry · 05/06/2008 12:10

I think eating out is a big challenge for LOs. I now only go to places with high chairs as I find my DD is marginally better is she's securely sat somewhere and at talking height whereas if she's plonked on a chair and propped up on a cushion she'll a) try to run off and b) end up wriggling and falling off.

TBH, I wouldn't make my DD sit at the table through a whole adult meal - she wouldn't be able to make it through without screaming. But she must sit at the table while eating her food and if I'm lucky, she'll stay a bit longer.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 12:11

Thanks for the feedback, good to see I'm not just being an old cow!

I have been wondering, re the high chair, if I should look into getting him a booster seat so he can sit on a regular chair at the table. Maybe that would help. Has anyone got one/seen something similar? They have some good ones in Starbucks, as I recall - not that I've ventured in there for a long time wtih things as they are!

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2008 12:13

TBH at a meal somewhere else I would probably end up with DD on my lap if she wasn't eating and wouldn't sit up even if bribed with pencil and paper or other diversion.

At home she would be allowed to get down and play within reason as it is easier for all concerned and I really don't want sitting up at table at be something they get forced into.

Either way, if she wants to eat she has to sit back up in her own chair.

This is why we entertain at home a lot ATM

FWIW DS (5) went through the same regime and will now sit at a table in restaurant with pencil and paper and more or less entertain himself in the inevitable long pauses.

nailpolish · 05/06/2008 12:14

just use a cushion! a friend of mine uses a car booster seat

re going out for meals. you cant really expect a child to sit at a table chatting and eating nicely for a whole hour (or however long it takes)

take something for them to do - small toys, colouring in, whatever - and they can do that under the table

how old is ds?

stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2008 12:14

The ones they have in Starbucks are Handysitts, I think - they are nice.

MsSparkle · 05/06/2008 12:19

You could try him with one of These chairs. My dd started to get fussy in her highchair so we bought one of these chairs and she loves it because she feels really part of the family at the table. I don't use the tray that comes with it, i just give her a place mat on the table like ours

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 12:19

stealthsquiggle - we've tried diverting him with allsorts, but if he's not in the mood he won't have it! And if he isn't strapped in he just won't stay still. We have Sunday lunch at my parents every week, and he usually has lunch earlier and sleeps through that so it's not such an issue, but if he's at their house he won't even stay indoors, he just wants to get outside. Even if it's raining. It's alright for a bit but we can't reasonably go there and have him outside the whole time in all weathers. I'm getting more pregnant by the day so can't chase him so well and its no fun for DH to have to sit outside the whole afternoon.

It really does feel like a no win situation, at least at the moment.

OP posts:

bozza · 05/06/2008 12:20

I would consider a booster. DD was in a booster by 12 months (DS was older but second time round I got sick of the huge highchair purchased for my PFB ). I have always insisted on my DC sitting at the table until everyone has finished eating. Of course, if the adults are sat around for ages having coffee etc then they can get down. If it is a large family meal out I would take things to entertain them and might let them go see Grandma between courses or whatever.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 12:22

MsSparkle - that looks ideal, ta!

OP posts:

MsSparkle · 05/06/2008 12:23

The seat is really good and a bargain at £12.99.

stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2008 12:24

Hmm - good luck with that one. My DC are both live-to-eat rather than eat-to-live types (wonder where they get that from ?) so the 'eat at the table or not at all' regime is enough to get them to sit still - but not (for DD at least) through a whole leisurely adult meal - at my parents or ILs she is allowed to get down and run around between courses. The 'outside' thing is more of a problem - could you find some particularly diverting toy that stays at your parents to incent him to stay indoors, maybe?

TheHedgeWitch · 05/06/2008 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 05/06/2008 12:24

to me the most important thing is that when they eat - they do it at the table. no snacking in front of the telly or eating meals in front of the telly

if he eats one mouthful then gets down from the table - then dont make a fuss. just as long as he sits down at the table to eat again. they cant concentrate for too long when they are little (how old is he?) and they dont really need to eat as much as we think. leaving the table between courses is ok.

Shoshe · 05/06/2008 12:30

All my mindees sit to eat (could you imagine the mess with 8 kids, 3 under 2 and 3 five to eight, others over 8 make just as much mess)

All snacks, as well as meals are at the table.

I dont do it at the moment, but when I had a mindee who wouldnt sit at the table, we had music (Glen Millers Little Brown Jug) that I played when it was meal time, it was easier than calling them from all 4 corners of the house. She loved the music, and would come running, she would stay at the table when the music was on as well.

We also used Chattanooga Choo Choo to signal tidy up time, they would dance around picking things up

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/06/2008 12:32

He's 22 months not 20 as I said in the title! Damn pregnancy brain.

I have never let him eat meals anywhere else - it's just suddenly he won't eat a meal and want to take an oatcake or something off in the front room. And I won't let him, cue strops. And nothing being eaten at all...

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 05/06/2008 12:34

Yet again, why don't you live near me, Shoshe? DD (and DS) would have such a good time being minded by you...

jingleyjen · 05/06/2008 12:38

I have always been strict about eating at the table.
they have both had highchairs that they couldn't get out of, but also the highchairs are ones that come up to the table.

DS1 is now 4 and still uses his chair although it is not just like a normal chair at teh table except a bit boosted.

I think they go through phases of checking the boundaries are still in place. If it is something you feel strongly about then stick to your guns.

Umlellala · 05/06/2008 12:50

I agree with eating at the table all together, and we have just stqarted a 'we all sit at the table - albeit maybe playing - til everyone is done' rule - dd is 2.

HOWEVER, with my dd (your kids may be different), i find that occasional breaks from routine actually help keep her happy to follow the 'rules'. So occasionally, we eat at her little table, or have a picnic on the floor. Or she sits on 'my' chair for a mouthful and then move to her highchair (tripp without babyset now). Or even on the sofa in front of telly . Works for us (might be confusing for other children, don't know).

I really don't want screaming tantrums at dinnertime but I don't think it is unreasonable to insist that if dinner is on the table then that's where it is. No stress if she doesn't sit down with us, just no dinner .

Shoshe · 05/06/2008 12:54

Stelthe, 18 months and I am retiring love Going on to train new CM's I hope.

Flip

1 2