To not understand why she married him

[Chald]

What exactly was he offering her? She has 5 children, why introduce another man to them. Some women cannot be single, they need a relationship

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15206815/married-terrorist-Manchester-Synagogue-killer-raped-Islam.html#

You make it sound like she’s had a string of kids from different guys. They’re all from her first husband, who died, then the second husband died too. She must be pretty messed up after the two bereavements. I’m not saying she’s a saint or wouldn’t have been better off staying single and focusing kids, that’s clear, but it’s not a simple situation to blame on her.

The same can be said for a lot of people. People marry for lots of reasons, what seems unreasonable to one person, will be reasonable to another.

If you don't know her personally I'm not sure why you'd be so bothered

What a horrible thread. Why do any women stay in relationships with abusive men. She was coerced into an Islamic marriage, grabbed by the throat, had her activities controlled, and raped. She’s his victim.
Sure, maybe she should have stayed single. But the poor woman was a widow twice over, and loads of people with children go on to date. And they should be able to do so without being abused.

She sounds extremely vulnerable and naive about Islam

Five children is a lot of work, a lot of expense, and a big drain on income potential. The appeal of a husband is especially obvious in this kind of scenario.

Quite why she went for him is another question, but there probably aren't many men running after women with five kids.

Reading the article it seems she had suffered a lot, was very vulnerable and he was extremely manipulative and then abusive, and she became terrified of him.

Sadly there are a lot of women in similar situations.

What makes her naive about Islam?

It sounds from the article that she found a community in Islam and that he was aggressively pursuing her at a time when she wasn't in a good place mentally.

Vulnerable people in distress make bad decisions and that goes for all religions or none.

One thing about Islam is that widows are especially honored. I can imagine where in Western culture a woman with 2 partners that sadly passed away would be marked as a 'black widow', in some Asian and African cultures widows are shunned and blamed for their husband's death. I don't personally agree with this superstitious and dangerous view of widows, I think they are appalling, totally unfair accusations of a women, but my point here is that in Islam marrying a widow specially who has orphans, has high religious rewards in Islam so I could see his motivation in marrying and pursuing her from a religious point of view and she probably was treated by the Islamic community not as a 'freak' or 'cursed' woman but as a woman who is being greatly tested by Allah and who will bring blessings to whoever does charity to her or her children due to her being a widow.

So, I think that she was in a vulnerable place and was engulfed by the support of Islamic community which encouraged her remarrying, coupled with this younger man aggressively pushing for marriage it might have flattered her, she certainly would have felt pressured. Marriage and remarriage are strongly encouraged in Islam.

She converted to Islam and wanted to marry a Muslim man without finding out about the religion beyond 'be kind' or what an Islamic marriage entails.

It literally means you submit to him. In most cases that means you will provide sex when he wants it, you will cover your hair in public, you are not allowed to speak to other men and your family will be ostracised if they are 'western'.

All of those things happened to her and she seemed surprised by each one.

She would have also got a bit of a shock re the be kind messaging if she'd found out what she was meant to believe re gays, non-Muslims and other women, but maybe he didn't get that far.

That her husband would become the head of the household. There would be issues with her teenage children drinking alcohol in his presence. That he may view her daughters as not being modest enough. That she needs to have good reason to refuse sex.

I have two conflicting thoughts. She was desperate and lonely and fell victim to an abuser.

Or she is using this story to protect herself from people who may seek to take out their anger at him, on her.

This all depends on how the individual practices their faith. Loads of muslim women, in marriages to muslim men who don’t cover their hair, don’t have sex, when they don’t want to, talk to other men, don’t “submit” to their husbands etc.

We see examples on here daily, and in the news, thry care about themselves not their children, and being women should not excuse them from not using their brains and I am sick of the endless excuses 'I let a man do my thinking for me'

But there are also women who have mental age of children having children

There's definitely ranges of Islamic interpretation around the world but ie I don't think there's ever been a case in the UK of a Muslim man getting convicted under UK law of raping his wife. Which seems statistically impossible.

In the extremely unlikely case of the wife reporting it, it would most likely go to a Sharia council, which would just mediate.

Why would it go to a Sharia council? Why would she not report to the police? Where is the data on this?

(Edit: I do agree it’s unlikely she would she would report in that situation but that’s because rape is underreported and I think the reporting numbers would be even lower for married women.)

Because that's not how you do things in Islamic marriages. There would be cultural stigma and community pressure (or worse) not to report. Yes rape is under-reported and conviction rates are terrible, but 0 convictions ever is not statistically plausible unless something else is going on.

Bear in mind as well that Muslim women rights organisations in the UK have said marital rape is common but the wives believe they are not allowed to refuse or report. And the president of the Islamic Sharia Council (in the UK) has said you cannot have rape within a Muslim marriage

Data can be found here for example: https://wunrn.com/2016/10/uk-government-enquiry-into-sharia-courts-evidence-submitted-by-ikwro-iranian-kurdish-womens-rights-organization-ikwro/

Where is your data for the claim 'that's not how things are done in Islamic marriages?'

There are so many muslims married to muslims, thus so many Islamic marriages and so many types of marriage why do you assume that choosing to report sexual assault to a voluntary Sharia Council would be how all muslim women would choose to handle marital rape?

Bear in mind as well that Muslim women rights organisations in the UK have said marital rape is common but the wives believe they are not allowed to refuse or report.
Link?

And the president of the Islamic Sharia Council (in the UK) has said you cannot have rape within a Muslim marriage
Link?

<Edit - I will read your link>

Did you read your link? It quite early on gives an example of a muslim woman who is pursuing a marital rape case in court which you said never happens (while also seeking resolution in religious courts too.)

Also @Mealy82 there is a bit of a self-selecting sample bias in your link. It repeatedly states the 'women we work with' and ' the women who come to us'.

You cannto form a view on what ALL muslim marriages are like by reference to the work specifically performed by muslim women's organisations that work with women fleeing abuse and coming to them for support. It's like look at the expereince's of women working with Women's Aid and deciding all marriage / relationships ressemble those women's experiences.

@Mealy82 I'm skeptical that the UK conviction rate of Islamic marital rapes is zero and I don't have access to search legal cases so google and chatgpt brought back this:

• Raja Zulqurnean (2025): A man who "married" a 15-year-old girl in an Islamic ceremony was convicted of 10 rapes and 9 indecent assaults. His sentence was increased to 23 years by the Court of Appeal. The BBC reported that he had forced the victim to eat a halal diet and wear Islamic dress. While the case involved an Islamic marriage ceremony, the victim's age made the sexual abuse a crime regardless of whether they were considered married in any sense.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c89ezepnj0jo

I think other cases were simply not publicly published in the media perhaps because of concerns for the safety of the victim(s), any children they may have or wider consequences for the Muslim community.

I am convinced that there are immense pressures on Muslim women to not report marital rape, but I challenge the idea that there has been ZERO Islamic marital rape conviction in UK courts, it just doesn't seem plausible even though I accept that the figure whatever it is, is probably much higher in reality.

More from ChatGPT:

• Judge's concern over pressure on Muslim wife (2011): A judge publicly expressed concern that a Muslim community had placed a woman under "enormous emotional pressure" to retract rape charges against her husband. The case highlighted the conflict between UK criminal justice and the community pressure that some Muslim women can face.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/rape-impossible-in-marriage-says-muslim-cleric-2106161.html

I said I don't think there's ever been a conviction in the UK of a Muslim man for raping his wife. I've asked AI and AI cannot find an example either. Why do you think that is?

Because most rape reports do not result in convictions?

I doubt there has never been a conviction. Just that you have not heard of it. I doubt every single rape in the UK that has resulted in a successful verdict for the accuser has been reported in the press.

Not sure what point you thik you are making unless you think courts in the UK are deliberately conspiring to find Muslim men not guilty of raping their wives?

You were suggesting that no muslim women would report marital rape to their authorities but the links above, including your own, suggest that is not the case.

I've literally just posted an article on a UK court conviction of an islamic marital rape. The independent link you listed is older and from Sharia pov, I thought we're talking about UK court convictions.

The link you posted is of a woman who was a victim of a grooming gang, was married - as a child - off to one of the men in the gang, and was raped by all the men. She'd also been kidnapped. She almost certainly wasn't Muslim and still only reported what happened after the man was jailed for other crimes