Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in pub / drink/drugs- serious concern - social services/police?

37 replies

Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 22:32

Hi, advice please.
Aibu…posting here for traffic…

My son told me of a young-ish mother (aged 25) out in a pub last night (a sketchy rural one - bit of a law into its own). She is a friend of a friend of his and I know who her mum is but not the young mother’s name. She was with her 8year old and her 7 week old baby apparently. She was plastered. People tried to get her home but she refused. Let loads of randoms hold the baby . Also had drugs on her (and used coke) and her older child was apparently sitting there fully aware as she took it from her bag in front of child as though it was totally normal then buggered off outside for ages. Everyone (the group of young lads including son and others she was with) was very worried and mortified by this.

I said I was really concerned to hear about it and son agreed it was awful but when I mentioned reporting he was very reluctant. Doesn’t want to cause trouble etc. I said I’d drop it, but I can’t can I?

Those poor children. And the mother is clearly not coping at all.

Apparently older child was taken away before so I assume social services are aware of her. Should I just ring them with my vague knowledge and pass on my concerns? Am I sticking my beak in? It’s so sad.

I am also furious with the pub for turning a blind eye to it all.

I know nothing about social services…would be grateful if anyone has any advice for me.

OP posts:
SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 22:35

Find out who the woman is - someone must know her name and report her to social services. She clearly needs help with her parenting. Again.

Original poster
Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 22:43

Yes I know I need to but son totally shut down and has cottoned on that I want to report. Only know the grandmother by sight but roughly where she lives.

If I called social services would the name of the grandmother be sufficient do you think?

OP posts:
bumwoes22 · 19/10/2025 22:47

Very dangerous. A baby that young is totally reliant on its mother/caregiver. How the hell can she care for it when she’s off her tits on booze and coke? The pub were utterly negligent to allow this.

Massive safeguarding issue and someone needs to report it. Poor kids.

Original poster
Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 22:56

I know.

I’m not sure why I felt I needed to ask mumsnet…maybe because I know this may see her baby/older child removed from her. And then it would be my doing… (not my doing obviously and in fact better that they are safe elsewhere but feels like a big action to take, and interfering).

But I feel sick thinking about it. Poor baby. They’re so fragile. My own hormones at that stage were all over the place too so she has my sympathy.

Will call tomorrow and let them do what they need to do.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 19/10/2025 22:57

It doesn't matter what your son thinks, her children are at risk and need safeguarding. Do you know the woman's name? If you can find out, I would absolutely call Social Services and report. I'd also call the police and report the drug taking at the pub. I'm honestly shocked that no-one who actually witnessed this didn't report her.

FuzzyWolf · 19/10/2025 23:06

Poor children. Definitely report.

HiCandles · 19/10/2025 23:10

I think you should call children's social care and explain what you have here, and give the grandmother's name. They may or may not be able to find out the daughter from that- it would depend whether the social workers have any knowledge of someone's mum who might be involved. It's possible. Nothing else you can do really, unless you are prepared to start asking around. You could check out Grandma's FB page, her daughter might have posted?

JackandSallySkellington · 19/10/2025 23:14

Yes it is illegal to be drunk in charge of a child, let alone a baby, and I’m horrified nobody called the police. She could drop the baby on its head, drunk drive, forget one of the children or let them wander off. You need to contact the police with your concerns, they can take witness statements from the bar staff and observe CCTV. Also contact social services.

Original poster
Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 23:16

I believe the grandma has had dealings with SS as she looked after the older child full time for a while before and I think possibly they live together. Pretty sure Social services will know the grandma because of this.

The pub was full of youngsters and lots of locals who look out for each other. I am sure others will have considered reporting but as I don’t know for sure I will be tomorrow.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 19/10/2025 23:17

On the info given in your last update, I think it’s very likely they would know exactly who this is.
Yes you need to report it.

Original poster
Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 23:18

Thank you all.

OP posts:
BackOnTheRodeo · 19/10/2025 23:23

This absolutely needs reporting. Those poor children. You son cannot sit back and let this happen. U get it's awkward for him but there's 2 kids here unsafe. If you know the mother's name could you search for her on SM and see if any links to the daughter on a baby announcement post or something? Good luck, please report x

redonion2 · 19/10/2025 23:25

Put it this way- there could be a pedo watching all this and eyeing up these kids as victim's. Learning the patterns, saying hi to the mum and the 8 year old becoming a ‘friend’ from the pub who visits them at home one day, the mum gets out of it and her kids are all his.
it’s blunt I know but it happens.

your phone call could save these kids- that’s what you need to think about.

I have heard of so many kids hurt and abused because the people around them did what your son wants to do…

tragichero · 19/10/2025 23:35

Poor young woman, she clearly isn't coping at all - perhaps self-medicating for postnatal depression. And poor little ones, of course. Yes, I think you do need to report it. Do you know anyone in the village who knows the family perhaps and could give you more information as to what is going on?

Good luck OP. I understand it feels hard as you probably fear you might be responsible for the kids being separated from her. But I think you just have to trust that SS will do the right thing, hopefully re-home the kids with gran, if she is in a position to care for them safely (sounds like this has happened before) and hopefully get the young woman help for her substance misuse and other potential underlying problems..... Try to focus on the many positives of your actions, it will help!

I promise I am not someone who instantly advocates reporting things to authorities, as can happen in a slightly knee-jerk way on here I find. But in the situation you describe, it's clear everyone needs help.

Maybe speak to your son about it again too. I am not saying he is at faults as such - but maybe speak to him about other actions he could have reasonably taken at the time to safeguard everyone concerned - even if that is just phoning you to come down and assess the situation at the time.

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/10/2025 23:38

You can’t report something that you didn’t actually witness. It’s hearsay (effectively gossip!). If you insist on it being reported, it needs to be your son who reports it since he was present when it was happening.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/10/2025 23:40

Cirenmilch · 19/10/2025 22:56

I know.

I’m not sure why I felt I needed to ask mumsnet…maybe because I know this may see her baby/older child removed from her. And then it would be my doing… (not my doing obviously and in fact better that they are safe elsewhere but feels like a big action to take, and interfering).

But I feel sick thinking about it. Poor baby. They’re so fragile. My own hormones at that stage were all over the place too so she has my sympathy.

Will call tomorrow and let them do what they need to do.

Better removed than dead. But hopefully they would just be given lots and lots of warnings / support/ threats /tests etc

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 23:44

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/10/2025 23:38

You can’t report something that you didn’t actually witness. It’s hearsay (effectively gossip!). If you insist on it being reported, it needs to be your son who reports it since he was present when it was happening.

Report it anyway op. At worst nothing will happen. At best, you’ll have potentially ensured the safely of these children.

MajesticWhine · 19/10/2025 23:49

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/10/2025 23:38

You can’t report something that you didn’t actually witness. It’s hearsay (effectively gossip!). If you insist on it being reported, it needs to be your son who reports it since he was present when it was happening.

You absolutely can report something you didn’t witness. (I am a health professional and we have to report hearsay often if it’s about something that put a child at risk). It’s up to social services to decide how to treat the information reported.

JackandSallySkellington · 19/10/2025 23:57

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/10/2025 23:38

You can’t report something that you didn’t actually witness. It’s hearsay (effectively gossip!). If you insist on it being reported, it needs to be your son who reports it since he was present when it was happening.

Hearsay can be admitted as evidence. You’re mistaken in what it actually is though, and wrong about not being able to report it.

Quitelikeit · 19/10/2025 23:58

If this scenario unfolds - always always call the police, tell them you are requesting a safe and well check, the name of the pub and what is occurring

They will not be bothered by your name or details only checking that the children are safe!

please report to SW

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 20/10/2025 00:08

Social Worker here - Adolescents team but previously family safeguarding.
Call Children’s Social Care tomorrow and give Grandmothers name as you don’t know mum’s.
Report what you have heard and let them know the name of the pub.
If CSC are able to identify who mum is they will contact her and carry out a Multi Agency Safeguarding Enquiry (MASH) to offer appropriate support moving forward for her and address any safeguarding concerns for the kids

The pub should have stopped serving anyone presenting as intoxicated with an under 5 in tow.

petermaddog · 20/10/2025 00:53

is the this total b';ch breast feeding no is talking about that call the cops

Crimble123 · 20/10/2025 03:02

I work in child safeguarding and we say this all the time. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility, so you're not sticking your beak in.
You know this isnt ok and you reporting to children services is helping those children. They don't have their mum to protect them. Only other adults around. Please report (havent read full thread sorry)

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 20/10/2025 08:42

Hey OP have you called the Childrens Social Care contact centre yet to report this?

Original poster
Cirenmilch · 20/10/2025 08:53

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 20/10/2025 08:42

Hey OP have you called the Childrens Social Care contact centre yet to report this?

I have just sat down to do so! Assume they will open at 9.

Thanks to all for the info. Of course I see it’s the right thing to do… son is fairly immature really and probably worried about repercussions for himself and friends if found to have “snitched” but he was well aware it was wrong and a sad situation.

I will report back.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread