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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you love your house and could imagine staying forever

143 replies

valianttortoise · 19/10/2025 20:55

Or if various bits of it endlessly stress you out and you want to escape one day

And is this what you expected when you moved in?

OP posts:
EmeraldDreams73 · 19/10/2025 23:07

I felt like this about my last house, and in fact would have happily stayed many years in the two prior to that (14 so far, all driven by exh). It had to be sold when we divorced. I loved it so much and still miss it 5 years on, I'll never be able to live somewhere as spacious or as lovely again.

Current house is tiny in comparison, will never be fully finished as can't afford it, is never clean or tidy as v little time and still trying to continue clearing to make space. I do like it, aware I'm lucky to have it, and do NOT regret leaving dickhead ex. But won't be here forever. Garden is much too big for us (bigger than I realised, was v overgrown before, whole place was awful), can't manage here without a car, and stairs are lethally steep and uneven. When we're old we'll probably need to move. Current dh loves it and never wants to move, but will have to at some point.

Basically, sounds dramatic but inside I feel like my ability to really love and connect with a home got broken by abusive ex and won't recover. If money was no object, great, but that'll never happen so I accept where I am. Despite knowing objectively that I'm lucky to have this house and appreciating some things about it, that's how I feel inside - but I don't tell other people.

Wildywondrous · 19/10/2025 23:07

I love my house, garden and the location but I won't be here forever because it's not practical, it's a beautiful looking individually built house with tons of character and space but it'll be too big for what we need once the kids grow up and leave.
Big houses are great until jobs need doing such as decorating or new carpets then it's very expensive.

I have a recurring dream that I've moved out and have feelings of regret and stand outside looking at it and wishing it was still mine.

AdoraBell · 19/10/2025 23:07

No. Not enough storage.

ghostyslovesheets · 19/10/2025 23:08

I purchased my current house because I needed a 4 bed (eldest dd going through a lot etc), it was in an area of town I didn’t know well, good bones but needed a lot of work - but affordable. It was an it’ll do house.

Been here 10 years - one of my exercise mates married the guy 2 doors down and they became good friends, small quiet road, decent secondary I can see from my bedroom - dd3 just left in the summer. Renovations got it just right and I’ve grown to love it.

It won’t be my forever home - eldest is 23 and saving for her own place, middle is 21 and ‘never coming home’ she wants to travel, dd3 is 17 soon - it has always been my plan to return to my northern home and be mortgage free.

the house has surprised me though, it was an ok buy at a stressful time but it became home and I’ll miss it.

CaptainSevenofNine · 19/10/2025 23:09

What I love about our house is that it could be our forever house, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s in a great location, we have great neighbours. Our immediate neighbours (their house is the mirror image of ours) are in their 70s and still managing with it all.

Its been a bit of a squash and a squeeze as the DC grew up, but one has moved out and the other one might in a few years (although she claims she wants to keep the house and we have to move out - not sure how we’ll fund that!).

It’s quite small but easy to clean and maintain. The only thing I’m missing is a downstairs loo - I have a plan how to add one though!

So I’d be happy if we never have to move, but if we had to I’d consider it.

Kirbert2 · 19/10/2025 23:11

It's a council house and the only way my family will be secure so we will stay here forever. Only been here since January, was in a rented property before that and knew it wouldn't be forever but the move was sudden and unexpected.

5128gap · 19/10/2025 23:15

Loved it from the minute I walked in 15 years ago even though it was a forced downsize to about half the value of previous house due to financial/relationship issues. Getting rid of the huge mortgage , enormous garden I never had time for, and the excess rooms we didn't need felt so liberating. It also belongs to me alone so it's my freedom and independence. Over the years I've tinkered and improved, shaping it more and more to my needs, and while it still needs some tweaks, its perfect for me in every way. The only way i'll be leaving here is for a care home or a coffin.

DierdreDaphne · 19/10/2025 23:17

Hephzibah64 · 19/10/2025 21:18

I love my house. I grew up in it. We only rent it as my Mum wanted to downsize so we moved in. Although it is very old and crumbling the view is amazing and we are so happy and secure here.

OMG I see what you mean 😍😍.

Ther is much tonlove about our house but it, and more to the point the massive garden, are altogether too big and never ever feel clean, tidy or under control. Pretty sure my dh still thinks we'll sort it one day, I know fine well we won't. He has agreed we need to move in principle but I fear the effort combined with his half-heartedness may see us stuck here until one of us finally has too little mobilty for the beyry many steps which are between pretty much every room...

Crispynoodle · 19/10/2025 23:17

We were supposed to downsize from our big 5 bed 3 rec detached house to a 3 bed bungalow partly to future proof. On the same day the EAs came round to value it I found a strange damp patch the size of a side plate on an internal wall which ended up being a leak from a pipe in the floor that affected 5 rooms. Thank all the deities that we have good insurance because it cost over £50k to put right and we had to move out for 4 months. By the time we moved back in we absolutely couldn’t be bothered to move again and saw our house completely differently. We made a decision to do the rooms how we liked and so I have a sewing/crafting room and he has his hobby room! This was much to the relief of our grown up children and DGCs as we live only 6 minutes away from glorious beaches!

HerRoyalNotness · 19/10/2025 23:18

Nope it was a three year house with 2 little kids. Now have 3 bigger kids and doesn’t suit us. Have had to do the hvac, roof, and now the foundations needs fixing. Still has the builders bathroom which needs replacing and the kitchen doesn’t work for me. Ah well

Dontlletmedownbruce · 19/10/2025 23:24

If I won the lottery I wouldn't move. Its relatively big but nothing special and identical to the whole row, but it's perfect for our needs now. In theory I might move when kids are older but the bar will be high. Looking back on my old house I always had this stress attached to it, like my heart would sink a little walking through the door. I used to get house envy. Now I don't really notice other people's houses so much because I'm content with my lot. I wish everyone could feel that sense of contentment.

gogogouache · 19/10/2025 23:39

There's nothing wrong with the idea of a forever house, if you're happy with the area and have enough room. Unless something truly drastic happens, I expect to be living in this house for the rest of my life, as long as my health allows it. I'm mid40s now, so that could be another 40 years, possibly (but probably less). I'm a confirmed homebody, however, so the idea of endlessly moving from place to place has little appeal. I'd much rather find a good spot, settle down, and make it comfortable.

Our house isn't a beautiful showplace with a jaw-dropping view, but it's prefectly nice and customised to our needs and tastes. We've made it our own. There's plenty of room for us, wfh, our dogs, and our hobbies. Family live nearby. The area is pleasantly leafy and semi-rural but with access to necessities and recreation within easy driving distance. Areas nearby are growing rapidly at the moment, which brings problems as well as benefits, but with luck it should stay nice enough for the duration of our lives.

WannaFOffOnHoliday · 19/10/2025 23:46

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/10/2025 22:07

That sounds really hard. Do you have any options?

Thank you. It sucks. And no options at the moment.
Im hoping and praying for the future

fishtank12345 · 19/10/2025 23:54

LillyPJ · 19/10/2025 21:12

My house isn't perfect but I couldn't be bothered to move again - it's too stressful. Also, I think no house is perfect and it's best to focus on the good things about where you are instead of always wanting something else.

We live in a small house. Its actually classed as a flat with stairs, front door is up stairs. We need to do the loft to give us extra space. We put a new bathroom, new kitchen, new boiler and did decorating and its ours. We cant afford to move.

The area is good for shops and close to a train station. Less than 30 mins to a major city. The neighbours leave a lot to be desired. I just need to focus on what's good ( the location, not the building lol and the way I'm making the inside look)

Need a new front door to soundproof from the close actually if anyone can recommend?

AnyOtherBrightIdeas · 20/10/2025 00:00

My house is just fine. I don’t love it but I do find it comfy, cozy and it has everything I need.

I dream of a house in a hotter county with a pool and land but I know that looking for it is only an escape from my day to day existence. It isn’t much to do with the bricks and mortar …

mullers1977 · 20/10/2025 00:15

Finsburyfancy · 19/10/2025 20:57

I hope I never reach the point of wanting to stay somewhere forever. For me, a house will always have niggles but it does the job at the time. When the job changes (location, number of people living there, other commitments or interests) then it's time to move.

This is me as well, change of scene, or just a better garden x we’ve moved a lot

CarpetKnees · 20/10/2025 00:37

Another who doesn't get the concept of a 'forever house'.
Your needs and your wants change at different stages of life.

We've been in our house over 20 year and it has been fab. If a time machine took us back to when we were looking, and I somehow still had the knowledge I do now, I would 100% buy it again. It has been brilliant for us for so many reasons.
But now we are in our 60s and the dc have all left home, if would be daft to keep all this space just for us. My dc all have their own places, locally, so don't need to come and stay. We have a big garden, which was great for the dc, but we don't like gardening, so it is now becoming a chore. DH in particular has become more sensitive to noise. We are aware (from family and friends) that the odds of one or the other of us (or most likely, both of us) becoming less physically able as we age over the coming 20 years are very high. Bills are obviously higher than a smaller home.
We plan to move in the next 5 years or so, before we need to 'be moved'.

What we will look for to live in from 65 - 85 or more is going to look very different from the house a couple in their 30s with 3 active dc wanted (including things like catchment areas for schools).

Kerrland · 20/10/2025 00:43

I'm happy with my house and area although I'm not sure I'd ever say I love a property - I just like that it meets our needs. I plan to stay here while my dcs grow up, and I think it's important for them to have a childhood home and stay in one place unless it can't be helped, so I wouldn't move again on a whim. I'd love to grow old in this area but the practicalities of a 5 storey townhouse means we'll have to leave at aome point. Not sure what we will do in future as I'm loathe to go back to leasehold flats, but not willing to move out further than London zone 2 and there aren't many bungalows here.

valianttortoise · 20/10/2025 00:52

CarpetKnees · 20/10/2025 00:37

Another who doesn't get the concept of a 'forever house'.
Your needs and your wants change at different stages of life.

We've been in our house over 20 year and it has been fab. If a time machine took us back to when we were looking, and I somehow still had the knowledge I do now, I would 100% buy it again. It has been brilliant for us for so many reasons.
But now we are in our 60s and the dc have all left home, if would be daft to keep all this space just for us. My dc all have their own places, locally, so don't need to come and stay. We have a big garden, which was great for the dc, but we don't like gardening, so it is now becoming a chore. DH in particular has become more sensitive to noise. We are aware (from family and friends) that the odds of one or the other of us (or most likely, both of us) becoming less physically able as we age over the coming 20 years are very high. Bills are obviously higher than a smaller home.
We plan to move in the next 5 years or so, before we need to 'be moved'.

What we will look for to live in from 65 - 85 or more is going to look very different from the house a couple in their 30s with 3 active dc wanted (including things like catchment areas for schools).

You surely realise that not everyone has three children, though. There's no reason what I'll want in 50 years will be different.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 20/10/2025 00:59

valianttortoise · 20/10/2025 00:52

You surely realise that not everyone has three children, though. There's no reason what I'll want in 50 years will be different.

Of course, but I know plenty of people who have wanted / needed far more suitable housing as they age.

Our needs are different, so "the perfect house" for that stage of life will be different.

WannaFOffOnHoliday · 20/10/2025 01:00

valianttortoise · 20/10/2025 00:52

You surely realise that not everyone has three children, though. There's no reason what I'll want in 50 years will be different.

You asked people a question. They answered and told you their personal reasons

Rubyupbeat · 20/10/2025 01:02

I love my house, so many friends nearby.
I have been here 23 years, and the area is changing for the worst, I would love to pick up my house and take it to another area.

valianttortoise · 20/10/2025 01:08

WannaFOffOnHoliday · 20/10/2025 01:00

You asked people a question. They answered and told you their personal reasons

She said she couldn't understand the concept

OP posts:
Smilersam · 20/10/2025 01:27

I love my house to a point. I hate my neighbours. They seriously have something wrong with them

teacupzs · 20/10/2025 01:55

I don't love my house but don't mind it. We need more space eg I want another reception room. Like the location & only a few nearby roads I would consider.

Planning to move in a few years however I won't go as big as originally planned. Utilities & taxes are going to keep going up & Ive seen too many older relatives miss the boat on downsizing & then struggle with the maintenance etc of their large family homes. Stamp duty makes moving frequently a pain in the arse, ideally we would have skipped this current stage & gone straight from a flat to the bigger house but we had to consider school catchments & it was a newish area so didn't want to completely lock ourselves in.