AIBU to ask for any suggestions? Broken leg…and broken heart

[killbilliwish]

I know this sounds like a trauma dump, but I’m really not trying to feel sorry for myself. I need to pick myself back up and rejoin life but it seems impossible. I have bipolar and CPTSD from abuse, I have no real family (other than my wonderful foster mum but her husband just died and I cannot make things worse for her)

I have a history of abusive relationships (following on from abusive parents) but I thought my current relationship helped me escape from that. Not the case unfortunately. He broke my foot and nose last year, I recovered but was still weak on that side. I then fell in August and broke my leg and ankle. Since then, partner has said he wants to leave me because of my weight. To be honest, I think I can deal with that now but need to steadily start walking, exercising, dieting and sorting my mental health all at once… it feels too much. Anyone been through similar or any tips? Sorry. X

You've written that as though you think it's normal to continue living with a bloke who breaks your bones and then tells you you're too fat.

No matter what you've been through in the past, you know this is not right or normal.

No-one's going to blithely sit here and give you tips on how to lose weight.

It sounds like you are with the same partner that hurt you?
I think you need to access some real life support.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

I'm afraid first poster has it. And do talk to your foster mum, she wouldn't want you to suffer more just because she is.

Thank you all. The posts are hard to read but true. I wish I knew how to make myself strong enough

You are with an abusive man - but you haven't addressed that issue in your post. Did you report him to the police when he was violent towards you? I am sure your foster mum would welcome you getting in touch - no one wants to see others suffer in silence. It sounds like you aren't very good at advocating for yourself but hopefully you have others in your life who can help you with this?

Have you had therapy? As another poster said you should speak to your foster mum or any friends? I’m sorry you have been dealt such a bad hand at life, and I’m sorry you’ve met a man who is exploiting how vulnerable you are. It’s not your fault and you can have and deserve a happier future.

Get away first from this man who
" broke my foot and nose last year, "
You should leave him. Please.

The rest you address once you got away.

You have a lot of trauma. Do you receive any counselling? Have you done The Freedom Programme that's often quoted here on mumsnet?

The way you're living is not normal. We're not meant to be abused by our partners or anyone. They're supposed to love and respect us.

Be on your own for a period of time, so that you can start to recover mentally as well as physically
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

I don’t know for sure but I’d imagine that once he has gone - it’s not clear if you are actually broken up or not - then you will start to feel better. Being in abusive relationship will make you feel anxious and stressed , low self esteem and will affect your cortisol levels which can actually prevent you from losing weight . So number one ditch him! Number two please get some support externally.
Be kind to yourself and when you are ready join some groups whether online or in person to meet new friends . It sounds very hard and lonely but you are stronger than you think to have all ready survived all you have been through . Sending love x

I'm sorry OP, it sounds like you're really at a low ebb 😟

The first thing you need to do is tell him to leave. This is another abusive relationship and you need to be out of it before you can get back on your feet again. If you need support to do this, please contact Women's Aid.

Secondly, I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit - you have survived all the difficulties in your life so far - this shows you are strong and you are a survivor. You have the rest of your life to improve your circumstances. Weight can be lost. Bad habits can be changed. You can do this, one step, one day at a time.

Do you have any mental health support/counselling in place? Reach out for all the help you can because you are important. You have the potential to make a good life for yourself.

First things first, you need to end your relationship with this abusive man.

"Secondly, I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit - you have survived all the difficulties in your life so far - this shows you are strong and you are a survivor."

I completely agree with this OP, you are strong. And you deserve so much better. Please talk to someone like Women's Aid and also your foster mum to get support and help to leave safely.

I will try the freedom programme. Thank you all for being kind xxx

Does your foster Mum know he's broken your bones? Even if you don't want to go into details with her, then I would let her know this has happened and you want to leave him. I'm sure she'd want to offer some support with the practicalities if you need to find somewhere to live or get him to move out etc.

How are you doing @killbilliwish?