To think good guidance on life is hard to find

[CaragianettE]

I feel so lost at the moment, in a mess from so many decisions over the last 5 years that I think were bad ones. I feel a bit like Fleabag when she tells the priest that she wishes someone would just tell her what to do as so far she feels she’s been getting it all wrong. I feel like this, I wish I could just outsource decision-making to someone I could trust. But I don’t know who. I’m sceptical about therapists, not religious, love my parents but in some ways I feel they’ve sat by and watched me make an awful lot of bad decisions (fair enough, I’m an adult). Don’t have a friend at the moment that I can really trust. It feels as if with all the human beings that have lived over millions of years there ought to be a foolproof guide to life by now, but if there is I haven’t found it.

Have you felt this? Where do you go for guidance on making choices and leading a good life? Or do you think people just have to trust themselves, and try to deal with the consequences and learn from it when they make mistakes?

YABU - there are reliable sources of guidance
YANBU - you just have to make decisions yourself and deal with the consequences and try to learn from it when you make mistakes. There is no foolproof guide to life.

I expect there's luck involved, but I've always made my own decisions. I don't like the idea of asking someone for their opinion and then not be able to follow it through because I didn't agree with them.

I've always found the best advice comes from the Bible personally. And also, the official website of Jehovah's Witnesses has great advice from the Bible too.

I have people I can trust and talk to and I will take advice from others but ultimately I think its you who makes the decisions.

There's always a voice in my head when someone's giving me advice which tells me whether it does or doesn't chime with what I'm feeling. Other people can give you perspective and information and can open up other avenues to explore, but they can't ever make decisions for you.

I honestly think that feeling you need a priest or a counsellor to tell you what you need to do is a sign that you're pretty lost. But maybe that's the point, and I've never been religious.

The Bible for advice on living a good life. Martin Lewis MSE for money advice. Hope you can find a good friend to talk to. Everyone needs someone.

What were your decisions which you think wer bad? If there is a common theme to them, eg low self esteem, that’s a good place to start

Your post really resonated with me, more than any I’ve read in a while actually.

I think society has become so individualistic that we are losing all sense of common morals, manners, norms and a communal sense of life events and roughly how life might progress. Families and communities are more fractured and separated geographically. Religion and religious rituals which brought people together have lessened. There is less respect for any authority and lower standards of behaviour.

I guess many would feel similarly to you, I don’t think you are alone if that’s any comfort.

All we can do is try our best, try to treat others well, try to make decisions that feel right and don’t harm others.

There's a few different ways I make decisions. Depends what it is.

One option is research all the available options, set some criteria, list pros and cons, wittle it down and force a decision, because if I did that much thorough research it can't be that bad a decision.

Another is to make a decision before it becomes essential to make a decision I.e. plan ahead. Better to look for a career change while still in a job for example, than wait until the industry dries up or you burn out.

Also trying to be aware of what influences me and of not people pleaaing.Especially easier after I accepted that everyone, literally everyone, has self interests.

The general reason that religion and philosophy exist is to answer the question of what is a good life. You feel adrift because you have no structure. Humans need values and a framework to live by and it’s completely impossible to invent this from scratch as an individual. Goethe said, “He who cannot draw on three thousand years is living from hand to mouth.” He meant that we have 3 thousand years of human thought behind us - a single person just can’t replicate that.

Many, many philosophers have grappled with the question of how to make good decisions. Yes there is trial and error and we gain wisdom through reflecting on our mistakes, but if that reflection is informed by ancient wisdom the process is so much more effective and efficient.