To say I'm not paying cleaner to clean teenagers bedroom?

[OhUMeanTHAT]

DSS lives with us full time and is 15, turning 16 in Dec. His room is an absolute sty. I have spoken to him, as has DH plenty of times but it never changes. I've reached the point where I just close the door now and refuse to go in. His bed sheets havent been changed for God knows how long because I tell him to strip his bed and bring them down and he never does, his washing is probably over flowing amongst lots of other mess. Basically he doesn't give a shit about his room so I've given up giving one either.

I've told DH plenty of times that he needs to be more on it with DSS in terms of keeping things clean but I now just leave it firmly with him.

For context we have a joint account for bills and separate for everything else. We have a cleaner who charges by the hour and who we pay for from the joint account.

I'm sick of the battle and embarrassment when she comes surrounding DSS' room. We insisted he tidy before she comes but it's never done properly and you either end up embarrassed or doing it yourself just to get it done.

I feel is a huge waste of money having her spend the time cleaning it and I have told her from now on to just leave that room. Imo she could be spending the time elsewhere in the house and he doesn't respect it anyway so it's a waste of her time and our money.

DH thinks we should continue to ask her to clean the room and continue fighting with DSS to tidy before she comes. I've told him he can pay the extra for her time if he wants her to clean it from his own money now as I am not covering it.

If it matters, DSS has lived with us full time for a while now and we also share two DC together (nursery and young primary).

A 16 yo should keep and clean his own room. It's a life skill.
No cleaner.

Sounds reasonable to me.

The rule in our house is if dd doesn't tidy her room before our cleaner comes it doesn't get cleaned.

It’s so bizarre how you don’t channel all your anger to your husband who has so piss poorly parented his son That this is the upshot

I wouldn’t ask a cleaner to clean his room
out of respect for the cleaner

I always said to both my DC that if theeir rooms weren't tidy the cleanr wasn't doing them. As a minimum the floor had to be clear so she could hoover

Ive been the cleaner and it’s actually really tough to try and do anything in that sort of room. It’s such a time sponge as you could spend an hour and it still looks grotty as just pile up all the stuff.

If it’s not tidy it doesn’t get cleaned is a sensible rule. I think his Dad should go in with a roll of bin bags and give him a hand to gut it then a fresh start. It’s really easy to get overwhelmed once it gets too bad.

Not much of a life skill if he knows you pay a cleaner to clean the rest of your house.

Respectfully, I don’t agree. I was parented properly and grew up with extremely tidy parents and have developed into a very tidy and house proud adult. However at 16 I didn’t give a shit about my bedroom and nor do the vast majority of teenagers.
You are not being unreasonable OP, I have similar frustrations with my teenage stepchild. I wouldn’t pay a cleaner for your DSS until there is more effort and respect on their part and it is more appreciated.

I was also very messy

but this teen isn’t just being messy is he?

Reread the op. It’s more than that

Of course that's fine. Tell them to do it themselves. They're very lucky the cleaner does bathrooms, kitchen and lounge as those are all areas he contributed to messing up.

What the op describes is an utter shit hole
but the fact that he completely ignores repeated pleas to do the bare minimum… doesn’t happen overnight

I wouldn’t pay a cleaner to clean my teenage child’s room / I don’t see it is relevant he is your DSS. Teenagers clean up their own room or it doesn’t get done. There was a thread on here today discussing “soft parenting” and making things too easy for children so they never launch. For me this is an example of treating a child like a flatmate - perks without responsibility.

Yanbu, not fair to ask the cleaner to do that. We have a cleaner and teenage boys but the deal is that rooms must be tidy for her coming - bins emptied, laundry away, surfaces clear. She is here to clean not tidy up after everyone.
They also strip the beds when asked, and I will make them up again. I show them how to do and they will 'help' with that too.

I can’t believe that you’d be able to ask someone to clean what you describe OP

Yeah you are being entirely reasonable. Your ‘DP’ not so much. Is it possible that he wants it to get resolved without any effort on his own behalf? Cleaned to clean and you to be the one who continues to try and motivate the teenager?
I’d say yeah, right to that too. Absolutely his DP’s problem.

DS18 is untidy, but not quite that grim. I only ask the cleaner to go in when his room is in a reasonable state. To be honest, he’d rather they didn’t go in….

I think your DH needs to have a discussion with his son.

If its tidy then she can go and hoover it, but no way would i pay professional cleaner rates for a lazy teenager. Its a luxury that he can get when he earns enough, or he can do his own
I dont have a cleaner at the moment, but when i did, i didnt get her to do my kids rooms.

This crossed my mind too.

There is no way I'd expect a cleaner to try to clean a pig sty unless I was going to give them extra time and pay , and a bonus that comes out of DSS pocket .