Aibu to think mums and tots waste of time?

[ineedtoknow123]

Aibu to wonder if there is any good reasons to take a toddler to a mums and tots group? (Aside from the benefit to the mums). All i have witnessed are toddler either ignoring eachother, fighting over toys, knocking each other over or being aggressive. This is what i have witnessed from other toddlers and my sensitive child needing consoling. I know someone who worked in a creche who said that there is a lot of conflict that never improved so its not like it would get any better over time?

I don’t think anyone thinks there is any benefit other than them being able to get out of the house and have a change of scene.

Sounds like a really badly-run session that you attended.

My 3 year old loves going. It is a very small group though, usually minimum 5, usually 6-7 kids, its great!

the benefit to the mums is the good reason you’re looking for

I used to go to a different group a day when on maternity leave with both my kids.

My children got a lot out of them...new and different toys, messy/craft activities, interacting with other kids and sing song at the end, not to mention the change of scenery and routine.

I made some lovely friends, as did my kids as they grew with the children we met and have such fond memories of these times.

Try a different one. But it’s good to get out of the house and even if toddlers don’t like each other yet it’s still healthy to socialise.

My dc made early friends as did I.

Yeah the kids don't really socialise at that age but it's a change of scene for them, the activities are pretty enriching and they do get used to being around other kids - dealing with waiting their turn and stuff. I liked them because it gave us some structure to the day, and one of my kids was very keen on roitines and knowing what came next so that was ideal for her too.

It’s about socialisation isn’t it? Learning how to behave among other children. Building friendships/being with a peer group? Listening and watching children of a similar age. Playing with new toys and spending time with a grown up who isn’t distracted by the washing or their phone…

I'd argue that if your child is sensitive it's important that they DO experience in small doses the reality of hanging out with other toddlers. My son was similar and I personally didn't much enjoy these sessions but I thought what kind of experience of life does he get if I deliberately exclude him from places where he learns how to navigate other children? Toddlers are naturally quite clumsy, interested in new toys (sharing has no meaning to a toddler, there is no biological need for them to share at such a young age) but this is just them exploring the world. A room with toddlers in it should feel a little manic otherwise we are just putting adult expectations on them. So I'd say, keep going!
Even if you child looks shy, worried etc you can help them to navigate this experience and they'll learn it is safe even if a bit confusing until they get more familiar with it.

I mean, the benefit to the mums is enough of a reason in itself.

Also learning to socialise is important. It's not going to happen overnight but the earlier they start, the faster they will learn. Of course it will get better over time: most adults learn some social skills. They didn't all start with exquisite etiquette.

I can't see why staying indoors or only socialising with your own family would be better?

Depends on the group for me.
When my kids were little, I took my kids to a couple that were poorly organised and it was just a free-for-all, a lot like you describe.
But I also went to some great ones where there was time for the DC’s to just mosey around playing with the toys, drawing tables etc and then there was chunks of time for an organised activity like song time or a story facilitated by one of the group organisers. Those ones were great

Agree with others that this group
sounds poorly run or structured. But socialising is important for this age group. Even if they don’t appear to be playing ‘together’ as older kids might there will be parallel play, learning by copying, and practice at social interactions. If your kid is sensitive they could probably do with more, not less, time around similar age kids.

Better for the kids to start to navigate the challenges of socialising with peers at this age than wait till they start school, I think.

Anyway at this age ignoring each other isn't a problem, the others aren't going to be offended by it or anything!

I know people who have made very very good friends through it.

I didn’t because no one wants to be friends with the teen mum but it definitely does happen.

I wouldn't have gone to one like that, but ours was lovely and great socialisation for DS.

YANBU. I attended a lovely one mainly for the company and chat. Lovely volunteers who made all the parents/carers a cuppa and a slice of homemade cake. Especially lovely on a cold, Winter’s morning. My children wouldn’t have noticed or cared if they played at home or there, minimal difference. It was definitely more for me! 😂

DS is 17. I made one of my best friends ever at a baby group. Her DD is 6 weeks younger than DS. We’ve been through a lot together, and having someone with the same age child is wonderful support for this.

Because the next step for DC is going to similar places without the support of their mum. Nursery, school and so on.

They get accustomed to noise and busyness, other people being as important as them, the structure of the session… so many things that you don’t even notice or think of are unfamiliar to your toddler.

At home, there’s likely to be at least some flexibility about the routine, a familiar volume and type of noise. If something happens, he’s the important person everyone prioritises.

It’s hard on DC that go from being with family at home all the time, to in school or nursery. Such a shock to their system.