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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young adults living at home

28 replies

SilverDoublet · 19/10/2025 14:55

We live in an expensive city, which has lots of universities but very high rent even in house shares, which are very hard to find.

Am I being ridiculous thinking our kids will all be living with us til they're 24 or 25 and planning accordingly? DH thinks they'll move out like he did at 18. He's from a rural village with no universities anywhere near it so he had no option and he got grants and subsidies because he was from a single parent family on a very low income. Our income is just enough that it puts us above claiming any supports for the kids to go to university/rent.

I think we should move house for more space if we're going to have 4 young adults living with us in the next 10 years.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 19/10/2025 15:12

How about you wait and see? My 22yo has moved to his own place. His rent is half his income. He is managing by being extremely careful. His sense of worth is great though due to his independence. He is doing great at work and should get a promotion in January when he'll have been in the job for a year.

It's not all doomed for all of them.

BlueMum16 · 19/10/2025 15:15

How old are your DC now? I'm assuming mid teens from your post.

If you can all fit now I'm not sure why you need more space?

OnlyOnAFriday · 19/10/2025 15:38

Dd is 24yo and still totally financially reliant on us. Had a job for a bit, got made redundant. Has gone back to uni in Sept to do a 2 year full time Masters , so technically has moved out. She might be back in the summer for a bit I guess. We’re paying her rent for her while she studies. God knows what happens at the end of two years. I’m hoping she gets a job.

SpanThatWorld · 19/10/2025 16:01

One of my kids went to university in a very expensive city and never came home. I have no idea how he and his friends have managed to pay for their rented flat on their incredibly insecure income, but they did.

My others have stayed home into their early 20s. One is finally earning enough to move out in his mid 20s. Cannot wait.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 19/10/2025 16:07

How old are they?

I don't think you can make a decision like that at this stage and I agree with a PP who says why not wait and see. My DD's are 25 and 20. One lives and works abroad and has done since she was 21 and my youngest currently lives away at Uni.

You have no idea where their lives will take them until they get a bit older so you have no idea if you will need extra space or not.

DispyDees · 19/10/2025 16:13

My eldest will be 25 soon and he's just living with us still. He doesn't want to move.

Fearfulsaints · 19/10/2025 16:16

I think they might live with you, but i dont quite get the link with moving?

Is it you dont think young adults will want to share bedrooms, which i can see..

ButterPiesAreGreat · 19/10/2025 16:20

DS plan is to consider moving out once he’s finished his degree apprenticeship. He’s just started Y2 of 5 and he’s not yet 21 so he will be 25 by then. It might take longer as he’s adamant he’s not moving into a flat or terraced house. 😂 We will see.

rwalker · 19/10/2025 16:29

Oldest is getting ready for his own space so next year if he stays with us won’t take board of him he can save £1000 a month

Original poster
SilverDoublet · 19/10/2025 16:58

BlueMum16 · 19/10/2025 15:15

How old are your DC now? I'm assuming mid teens from your post.

If you can all fit now I'm not sure why you need more space?

4 pre-teens in 2 bedrooms. 2 sets of bunk beds. There is a downstairs room one could move to, but only 1 bathroom and 1 downstairs loo.

OP posts:
Cloudyberries · 19/10/2025 17:01

You just don't know how things will pan out.. The many thousands you'd spend on moving house, doing any decoration & repairs on the new house etc could go a long way towards supporting them through uni if you don't sink it into the move.

Digdongdoo · 19/10/2025 17:10

Never mind when they're adults, 4 teens in a 3 bedroom house isn't my idea of fun. If a bigger house is affordable I'd move.

If you don't move, I'd expect at least some of them to leave home ASAP.

caringcarer · 19/10/2025 17:12

One of my DS moved out at 33 and the other at 26. They had to save their deposits first and we helped them both with deposits too. They had to have a big enough deposit to afford mortgage on their earnings.

Cloudyberries · 19/10/2025 17:13

Yes having cross posted I think moving for a bit more space sounds sensible. There is nothing wrong with children sharing but an extra bedroom would help a lot especially during exams etc. But move for the next decade, not the one after that.

Caspianberg · 19/10/2025 17:16

If you can afford to, I would be moving for now, not for whether they are all
home at 25+.
If they are all pre teen I’m assuming they are all between 8-13 at the moment roughly.

So a 4 bed with 2 bathrooms would be beneficial now for at least 10+ years before they even reach adulthood.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/10/2025 17:16

I think your husband is wishful thinking or has unrealistic expectations but you've overshot the solution.
Not sure what a happy medium would be though.

caringcarer · 19/10/2025 17:19

I had a loft conversion to go from 4 bedrooms to six plus an additional shower room. Of course now we don't need the additional space but for many years it made for pleasant living with both boys having huge bedrooms with room for a double bed and a sofa, chair and coffee table as well as 2 large chest of drawers each and shared a shower room. It worked out far cheaper than moving which would have been inconvenient as all worked locally, and it added value to our house for when we eventually come to downsize.

thisishowloween · 19/10/2025 17:24

I think your DH is a bit deluded if he thinks they'll both leave at 18 and that's it.

I was 18 almost 20 years ago and bounced back home a few times before moving out for good in my late twenties, and I certainly wasn't the only one out of my friends to do it.

Bushmillsbabe · 19/10/2025 17:26

I would convert your loft if it's an option and you and partner move up there with an ensuite. That then leaves the main bathroom for the 4 children to share, which may still be very busy but better than 6 sharing it. And if possible divide your room into 2 so they can all have own rooms.
Or move now to a 5 bedroom if that's an option for you. I think you need the space now, not when they are older and may or may not move out

ForgetTheTomatoes · 19/10/2025 17:28

Ds1 is 22 and graduated last year. He lived away from home for uni. He has a graduate job so it pays very well but he can only get a mortgage based on his salary. That part he cannot control. What he is doing is shoving every bit of money he has been given into his LISA and ISAs because that house deposit amount would put him in a better LTV mortgage rate and give him more choice on where he can afford to live.

He has a 4 year plan for this. He is keeping an eye on the housing market plus mortgage rates so he is informed now. Ds2 is at uni, he has the same plan, 4 years post uni living at home, he also started saving at 18 into his LISA like his brother.

What worked for us. We chose a house that could grow with us. Dh has had an office in the house for 17 years as working from home was an option back then for him. Based on this we bought a house with space for the children to have a playroom which later morphed into a hang out space when they were teens so we had our lounge, they had theirs. Post covid we had an office space for Ds to work in which he does. We also live in a city with a lot of job opportunities. Ds knew that living at home would mean he could save up rather than renting a house share which would eat into his income.

You have to imagine that your children will be adult sized when they are young teens. I would consider moving now to accommodate them for the next 10 years and potentially beyond. Don't guess the future beyond 18 but do consider them until 18. Uni terms are 10 weeks each so technically out of the house for 30 weeks but it works out more like 25 so usually home half the time.

FlyingPandas · 19/10/2025 17:33

As others have said, if you can afford it, move now for more space during the teen years. It will be so worth it.

DC may or may not move out soon after turning 18. They may be some of the lucky ones who land decent apprenticeships or jobs or graduate roles and be able to move out. However, I think in the current climate (cost of living, difficulties trying to get even a basic minimum wage job, housing costs etc) it is sensible to assume that at least some of them will be at home for a while as young adults.

The majority of people we know (eldest is 21 and graduated this summer so we know a fair number of families with young adult DC) have had children living with them well into their twenties. Going away to uni and then needing to come home again at the end of the course seems pretty common. Some do manage to complete their degree, land a graduate job and move out more or less straight away, of course - but far more don't.

But at your current stage of life, with the situation you describe, that's kind of neither here nor there. If you can afford more space now it's going to have a huge positive impact on your quality of life now, never mind what's going to happen in 10 years time.

Caspianberg · 19/10/2025 17:38

By the time youngest leaves, oldest might have children. So grandchildren space

Floranan · 19/10/2025 17:40

My youngest 26, is still at home and will be for a while yet, the other moved out at 24 - 28 - 25 I think it’s quite normal these days.

I would suggest if you can afford to move bigger then do it, you have to remember that even when they move out they still come to stay. Financially I would advise you all to be supporting them as needed, only this morning I had to send my son money to see him to end of the month.before anyone shouts and says he should budget better, all young families are struggling these days well the most are a way, and when the washing machine dies what do you do

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 19/10/2025 17:55

Pretty sure the average age for first time buyers is now 31 in the UK. It's almost impossible to save up for a deposit if you move out young and start renting. I'm expecting my stepsons to be at home well into their 20s but it could it be later depending on whether they are in a relationship or not. Fortunately we have the space so there is no rush.

familyissues12345 · 19/10/2025 21:17

DS1 is in his final year of uni, 22 next month. He’s hoping to rent somewhere with his GF within a year of graduating and buying somewhere by 25. I think (hope!) this’ll work out for them.
Hes currently applying for graduate roles, all within an hour of home, which leaves options open for him. Fortunately we’re within commuting distance of London which is helpful