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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dps joke at my expense

29 replies

cakedup · 18/10/2025 19:06

At a gig last night with dp. I go off to the loo and then go to get drinks. Lady walks past and says, oh hello its you, I'm standing right by you. (Very large venue and we're right at the front). I ask her to tell dp that I'm just stuck in a very long and slow queue and not to worry.
When I get back to the gig, I thank the woman. I go in front of dp and he is directly behind me.
I notice him occasionally chatting/laughing with this woman and her female friend but think nothing of it. Not at length, just the odd sentence followed by laughing. I can't join in cos of my position in front and cos I want to just want to watch the gig.

Today, dp laughs and says when she told him i was in a long queue, he jokingly said "hopefully its a really long queue" and laughs. I'm not pleased at this joke at my expense but can't be arsed to say anything. Just for transparency (dp hasn't mentioned it), we also saw a man we often see at gigs who says to me "I love your dp, he is brilliant etc" and I jokingly say "well feel free to take him home with you." All taken in good jest and I don't think it's quite the same. We're all a bit drunk and on a gig high.

Then later today dp says, actually that woman was a bit 'handsy' at one point. And I said "well maybe you disrespecting me didn't help." He says oh come on, clearly a joke and anyone with eyes can see he dotes on me. He was very attentive at the gig (and in general) - throughout at regular intervals puts his arms around me, kisses me, asks me if I'm enjoying myself/everything ok etc.

I said well why would you speak to her if she was handsy, and he says that wasn't until right at the end after the gig.

Am I overreacting? I can take a joke but find this disrespectful. Just feel like I'm being treated like a fool by dp and seen as a fool by woman. And yet I'm the only one who's not acting like a fool IMO.

OP posts:
Daisymay8 · 25/11/2025 01:55

Sounds like a boozy crack -why would he tell you what he said? Was he feeling a bit disloyal.
Just let it go.

Tuesdayschild50 · 10/06/2026 20:49

I think its in jest not meant to offend you he has been tactless and if alcohol involved makes them worse.
If women was bit touchy id have a problem with her instead .

Somerford · 10/06/2026 21:06

cakedup · 25/11/2025 00:49

I still maintain that our jokes, although similar in tone, were different in that she was a stranger, and I wasn't there. He was telling her something about me behind my back.

I'll be honest with you, I'm not intending to attack you or be horrible here but it seems like you're retrospectively making new rules up so that you can justify double standards and hypocrisy.

He made the same kind of joke that you would make, with the same tone and the same intent. He told you about it and he told you that the woman was getting a bit touchy feely. I'm not seeing a problem here.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/06/2026 21:18

You did overreact a little bit but he also sounds a nob.

He was belittling you. Maybe not in a deliberate, unkind way but he sounds like loads of immature, slightly nobby blokes I have known over the years who thinks women basically exist to be the butt of jokes. I bet he also makes mother in law jokes and 'anything for a quiet life' jokes too doesn't he?

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