I am mid 40’s and never been married (I’m a mum) my partner has been married before and also has kids. Been together a long time and bought a house together all is fine. DP proposed to me a while ago which was a surprise. He did know I wanted to get married but not for a wedding, I want marriage with him.
We are ok in terms of money but don’t have loads of savings, so I’ve been trying to come up with ideas for a wedding that are financially realistic. I also don’t want to have to save up for 5 years of scrimp and save for something like a wedding. I’m not really getting younger.
The part where I am worried I’m over reacting is that we cannot seem to plan our wedding without disagreeing and nothing ever getting sorted and I worry this is an omen we should not get married. We both want a small intimate wedding, I’m happy with small UK legal ceremony then a family holiday but he wants the whole huge shebang of a big exciting trip.
Whenever I suggest things, DP will come up with a suggestion at the extreme other end of the spectrum. I literally do mean I will suggest a venue within a sensible budget, and he will suggest about getting married in New Zealand, Australia or Canada.
When I question the practicality of these extreme suggestions he says maybe we could not worry about the money and do something bucket list worthy and exciting. When I question how this would actually work in reality, like the reality of trekking kids on multiple flights to the other side of the globe, or how much the flights cost or where we will get the money, he says it’s fine, we can just fly economy and do stop overs in other countries. This to me doesn’t sound very appealing, relaxing or enjoyable and then he says I am being negative and I say he is being unrealistic.
I explained to him that these extreme suggestions feel like an unrealistic fantasy (that will never happen) and he’s not interested in any of the more sensible things
He says I am not considering all the options available and it might not be as extreme or expensive as I think it is. He has said that he feels I am being unfair on him and he isn’t going to suggest anything anymore and he will just go along with what I want.
To this I said there would be no wedding if we can’t agree on anything mutually as I’m not prepared to do this, it’s meant to be something we both want
AIBU to tell him now just to let it go and stop planning anything because it’s too stressful. I would rather not get married than keep going over this. He’s all upset now as he’s taken it that I have refused to marry him!