A Very Formal Nursery

[NameyMcNamechange67]

There's a nursery near me in an independent school. They take children from 2 years until they leave for school. The policy there is that the children have to use the staff members surnames.
I just feel there's something wrong about a 2 year old having to address the people looking after them as Mrs Wilkinson, Mr Starmer, or Miss McNamechange. I think all that business should start at school and nursery should be play-based and homely.
I imagine they would say it's in preparation for the big school where they'll have to do it, but I think policies should be based on where the children ARE not where they will one day be.

YANBU - Nurseries should use first names.
YABU - Nurseries should use surnames.

I don’t agree or disagree. I think it’s great there is a range of nurseries available and parents can chose what suits their families.

It’s a little old fashioned but it’s not going to make the slightest difference to your child and how they relate to their care-givers. (I was looked after by a neighbour as a child who we knew as Mrs Brown. I was very much attached to her and she was a lovely, warm, friendly woman!) Focus on the other things you observe when you visit: do the children seem happy, well cared for, are there plenty of interesting age-appropriate activities, do they spend lots of time outside and physically active? What they call the staff is irrelevant and the children won’t think it’s odd at all.

It literally makes no difference it’s just a name to children

Our school based nurseries are a mixture. the staff in the rooms are first names but if they come into contact with school staff such as DHT and HT or any if any staff are helping out then they will be surnames as the older children would call them. And the admin is Mrs X because she covers both

Personally i’d be more interested in how happy, engaged and cared for the children seemed. But if it’s not for you, just choose a different one.

I don’t think it really matters. They’re probably going for consistency so that the kids call the teacher the same name all the way through the school, especially thinking of the head or the specialist teachers that they’ll have from the nursery but continue with all the way up should they stay on at the school. It doesn’t mean that the nursery isn’t play based or anything of the sort, aren’t all nurseries play based? Mine went to a private school nursery and called the teachers by the surname and it was still a lovely and friendly place with plenty of playing. And he hasn’t had to learn a new name for the head, the sports teacher, the French teacher etc now he’s in reception.

If the Nursery is attached to a school they will have to address staff by full names when they leave. A name is just a name to a child whether it's Mrs Smith or Maureen. The worst thing (which I have seen in a State school Nursery Class) is children calling the Nursery Nurses/TAs by their first name and the teacher by Miss/Mrs Surname.

Is it expected that the children in the nursery will go on to join the school, where it will be expected to call teachers by their surnames?

The nursery my kids went to did call staff by their first name, but when I moved them to the nursery attached to the school they now go to the staff there were called by their surnames (my kids were 3 when we moved them). I think it changed the year my son started as I think they wanted continuity between the nursery and school, and as the staff in the nursery may also be in reception class (as they are all part of the EYFS) then it was decided it would be confusing if children could call them Katie in nursery yet Mrs Brown when they were in reception.

Edited for spelling

My daughters pre school - aged 3 -4 - they used the staffs surnames. It wasn't a posh place at all, they did cake sales and other events to raise enough money to keep going. Their aim was to prepare children for reception (where they use surnames) and they did that very well.

At my children's school nursery staff were called Miss, Mrs surname. It followed the same approach as the school it was attached to.

It was a lovely, nurturing, fun nursery. The school was lovely too.

I don't think it's particularly unusual. What do you think the staff should be called? The children are so young it's all just names to them.

I don't think any 2 year old would care or be impacted in the slightest by calling someone Mrs... rather than first name.

Mostly me then!

I'm coming at it from a staff point of view. I've always thought nurseries should feel like home.

Nurseries should be comfortable, safe, fun, nurturing and educational but they aren’t home. The vast majority that say they are providing a “home away from home” atmosphere genuinely aren’t, and it isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s really just synonymous with “lovely and nurturing”.

Parents/siblings/family aren’t there, the toys don’t belong to the children and are all shared, there is a more rigid timetable, there are lots of people coming in and out and lots of different children, there isn’t generally a sofa and a TV and other furniture you’d expect in a home, but there are water trays and sand pits etc which many children won’t be lucky enough to have, and almost everything is child-sized rather than there being child sized things in a predominantly adult space. Not directly replicating a home environment isn’t inherently a bad thing nor does it mean the children don’t feel as safe, secure, and comfortable as possible.

Using surnames is just another one of those factors. There’s a reason kids are often surprised that teachers have first names when they find out - it’s because it doesn’t even occur to them that they do when they’re little!

But even at home we call our parents mummy and daddy and family members auntie this, uncle that… I think it’s fine to understand that externally people can be addressed as mr, Miss, Mrs…

It really is what about suits you and your family; I wouldn't overthink it.

At my primary we had to curtsey to the teachers 😂

Our school nursery had a Mrs and a Miss so and so, it made no difference to the children. It was a lovely nursery, warm and friendly and my children were very happy there. You have a choice where you send your children so if it's an issue for you, don't send your children there!

From my point of view (as as EYFS lead) this is the difference between care for two year olds and the shift towards education. Obviously it is ALL early education but at 2 what I wanted was someone who felt like a Nan and loved my children. At 3/4 I want them to shift towards education and therefore chose school nursery.

We used to call most of our "helpers" (that's what they'd call TAs in the 90s) by their first names. We had a new head come in that tried to change it and they were the ones who said no! Looking back, I'd say the "helpers" over about 50, we called Mrs whatever. The younger ones we did not.

I would not send my child to a nursery where they addressed staff by their surnames but I don't mind that such places exist.

I disagree that nursery should feel like home. Home should not be the only place that children feel safe and comfortable. My preference would be for children to feel that home is for their family, but nursery is a special place that is all about them.

It’s fine for nurseries to have little differences in things like what they call their teachers. It is good that there are different types of nurseries because there are different types of families.

My grandson went to a private nursery where they called the adults Miss Debbie or Miss Suzie etc. It wasn't attached to a school so the continuity didn't matter as much. My own daughter went to a day care type nursery over 40 years ago where it was all first names. I don't think.it matters that much to the child.

When I was the school Nursery Class teacher in the 80s I was Miss Surnane and the Nursery Nurse was Mrs Surname. I was friends with her out of school and her children called me by my first name out of school and Miss in school even though one of them was in my class for a short while.

The Nursery class doesn't have to be a home from home it is a transitional space where the child learns to be part of a larger group and that the world doesn't revolve around them while still being child centred and nurturing.

The names used for the staff doesn’t impact the care given.

Our school nursery have recently started accepting two year olds. They call the staff “Mrs x” simply because that is the structure in the school so it makes sense. It doesn’t stop it being a nurturing environment.

Aged 3 at state primary school nursery my dc used Mrs surname. And at aged 2 at playgroup. It didn't make any difference to how close they were to staff.

I think this is normal in public nurseries attached to schools. I don’t see anything wrong with a 2-3 year old calling their teacher miss or mrs Steven’s for example. They’re going to have to get used to calling the teacher miss, mrs or mr by the time they start reception class anyway.

OK. Thanks all. A majority say it's fine. I still don't think I'd like it though.

Name changing back to regular name now...

It wouldn't be my kind of place but it's clearly a kind of pre pre prep to get them used to the formality of the more senior schools.

If you don't like that aspect already then there's probably plenty more about it that wouldn't appeal.