Homeschooling thoughts, primary school issues

[13MAPARTHELL]

My 5 year old is awaiting a diagnosis of highly suspected autism and adhd (private assessment next week)

He is very conflicting, and can either have socially rigid / unkind responses to unexpected social talk or situations or become very hyperactive and unregulated.

We have had 2 SEN meetings with my early help key workers at the school, today at a parents evening his teacher had no idea of any of this & then mentioned complaints made about him in the playground by other children / a child in his class on the way to school said his name and he responded ‘go away I dont like you’ and my she told me that he isn’t very nice to her and she told the teacher that he laughs at her funny etc (he gets very unregulated)

we had a stay and play, he was crying, overwhelmed with adults being there, he kicked some toys and hit a child and they just said ‘hes likely tired’ we took him home of course

Theres a heavy feeling amongst the parents to myself, we pick him up early as kick out can make him unregulated, when people call his name it really unsettles him and makes him very anxious.

they say hes great otherwise in school and enjoys it, but I just feel an overwhelming horrible feeling of worry and of course need to protect him, I can feel hes internal conflict with himself in my bones & things like sports days and school plays I know he would really struggle with, but I also do not want him to miss out or make a decision and find that maybe he learns to thrive as he gets older, does anyone have any experience in this sort of decision?

You might want to get this thread moved, there is a specific Home Ed thread, the general attitude to Home Education on here is very unforgiving, lots of people will be along shortly to tell you that you are fucking them up permanently if you choose to Home Ed and that they won’t socialise ever and you’re awful for even considering it.
However it sounds as if your concerns are very real and school is becoming a battle for all. We started HE at age 7, similar issues but not as extreme but my child whilst treated well was made to feel awful about not being able to do as he was told, that shame lasted a long long time, and I have never regretted taking him out. Come and join HEFA (Home Education for All) on Facebook. They have all the information you need including all your legal responsibilities. Deciding to HE now does not need to be a permanent option, you can HE for few years and go back in for Secondary age a lot of people do. But you need to do what is right for your child. School does not work for every child and unfortunately the system as it stands is not SEN friendly. We had teachers doing their utmost and it still didn’t work for us. Good luck.

This sounds like a difficult situation and it’s clear the school isn’t meeting your child’s needs. But that doesn’t mean that formal education settings aren’t right. Explore your options including Sen schools (once you get the diagnosis) or other mainstream settings

Is there an option for an autism class attached to a mainstream school. (I am not in the UK so unsure of terminology used there) It sounds like he can cope with many aspects of the school day but there are some which just require additional support which could be provided with smaller numbers. Is he receiving sensory and movement breaks at the moment to support regulation. Is there an opportunity for withdrawal in social groups in school to work on interactions.

Are there any clubs around your area for children with autism. My dd gows to a fantastic social group with other autistic children and it really helps her with socialising.

I don't know would I jump to Home Ed straight away. By all means consider it in the future if you wish but I wouldn't do it as a knee jerk reaction to difficulties that could be overcome in time.

You won’t protect him by choosing home ed, you will be shielding him from the work so he will never cope in it.

I agree of a certain age, but hes just turned 5 & is in peak dysregulation, he masks somewhat and then explodes at home which makes life VERY hard & I think if i did home school it would only be for the year or 2, his age is such a massive factor. I just feel like with a class of 30, they do not have the capacity to see and assist him in coping strategies in the social elements, I want him to be able to learn without fear - he cant be spoken to first etc.

it’s heartbreaking, if someone walks past him he says why are they laughing at me or looking at me, and they arent a tall

Home education can be a really positive thing for a lot of children. I was home educated from age 12-16 due to severe anxiety and distress at school, and it was absolutely the right choice for me. People told my parents the same kind of things that a previous poster said to you, that I would never learn to cope with life, but being home educated and away from an environment that was causing me constant distress significantly increased my confidence.
After a few months away from school, I was able to join a few extracurricular activities and make friends there, which was the first time I had any friends in my entire life. I sat my IGCSEs while home educated and then went to sixth-form college for A-Levels. I loved sixth form and had no problems settling in and making friends there, as it was a completely different environment from school, and that time away had really helped me to grow in confidence. I was then able to go to university.
My mum got support from Education Otherwise when she was thinking of home educating me. It could be worth getting in touch with them: https://www.educationotherwise.org/
All the best with whatever you decide, and feel free to ask me anything if I can be of any help. 💐

I am a home educator. You'll get so many misinformed comments about home ed on here. Including that the children are sheltered from the real world and aren't social. Which is just laughable. Join the Facebook groups suggested and hear from people who have been in the same boat, who actually know what home ed is like. In your situation, I wouldn't hesitate.