Mrs Cropley vibes from office mother hen

[RafaFan]

I have a coworker who is the self-appointed mother hen of the office. She is the oldest, but the rest of us are 50ish, so not exactly young things. The mother hen is always bringing in preserves that she has made herself, or home baking, which nobody really eats, because it's usually kind of weird - not quite Mrs Cropley from Vicar of Dibley weird, but getting there. Yesterday it was peanut butter, chocolate chip and courgette cake. Anyway, I headed her off at the pass yesterday when she tried to give me a jar of pepper jelly, and I said no thank you, don't think we'd use it, wouldn't like to waste it. She looked kind of miffed and was crashing around for a while.
Now clearly this is a first world problem, but is it unreasonable to wish for a week when there are no weird foods being foisted upon me?

Oh dear

Yeah, that would annoy me. She should be able to deal gracefully with her food offeringsbeing turned down.

I have graciously accepted many items from her in the past, and maybe that's where I went wrong. I should have graciously refused them right from the start. But I did politely refuse something yesterday and it was not taken very well. And on Monday more than half a cake from the previous week was thrown out (by the lady herself) because nobody wanted to finish it. In "the current climate" this food waste is not great. Two of my other coworkers don't eat any baked goods at all for health reasons, which the baker knows, so I don't know if she thinks the other three of us are going to eat a huge cake ourselves?

You describe your behaviour as gracious and polite yet starting a thread to bitch about an older lady who is being kind and generous to you and your colleagues would suggest you're anything but.
As a PP said, she may be lonely and trying to be included.
One day that lady might be you.

I think it's fine not to eat the stuff she brings in to share if you don't fancy it. I don't eat cake during the week to limit my sugar intake- you could try that to make it less awkward?

For the stuff in jars etc, I would just accept it, and chuck it in the bin on my way home. Not great waste - wise but you're not the one producing it.

@RafaFan I was actually going to say, the number of people me and mum know who now don't eat sugar at all, is really high. Hopefully she just accepts that your colleagues don't eat cake!

yes, you might be lonely one day, I've been lonely till recently - but it's not a reason to foist food on people or get annoyed when they say no.

No, but rather than saying ‘I don’t like peanut butter’, you said ‘But peanut butter in a cake was a step too far’, as if she’d flavoured it with coal and toe jam!

Okay, there was also a very strange 70's style dish containing tinned peaches, cucumber, marshmallows and miracle whip (or whatever it's called). This was a couple of years ago, but I did try it to be polite, and that taste and texture sensation remains with me to this day, and not in a good way. No wish to repeat it with the peanut butter courgette cake.

I've never been anything except polite to the woman in question, and actually get on well with her, as does everyone else in the office. I'm posting anonymously on a forum and getting it off my chest.
As for being lonely...obviously I don't know her inner thoughts, but I do know she has a partner, kids, friends she goes on holiday with and a very busy life with clubs etc that she's in.

Why is the op the rude one where a person who cant accept no thank you is not?

The op does not have to be rude but why is a polite no thank you not enough, how many times are people told on here to say no and no further explanation is needed

This is a difference in being rude and the true but dreaded cliche of setting boundaries it is lovely when people make an effort to make things but this doesn't have to be put onto others if they choose not to accept them

(missing the point entirely) I make a pumpkin, chocolate chip and peanut butter loaf cake and it's bloody marvellous.

Also, pepper jelly is great.

How is this even worthy of a thread?

You were offered food and said no thank you.

The end.

OMG! She really is trying to be Letitia Cropley 😂

Totally worthy of a thread. Thank you for sharing.

YABU about the cakes. If you don’t fancy them, just don’t have a slice. YANBU about politely declining jars of sauces and chutneys though; she shouldn’t be offended by someone explaining that they don’t eat whatever it is she’s offering.

That sounds like my worst nightmare - I can’t stand homemade food brought to work and foisted upon people. It’s vile! I can’t stand homemade food that’s been brought to a second location in general - especially after my friend bought a flapjack at a car boot sale and found a (presumably, given the size) man’s toenail clipping in it.

I sympathise, OP. She's not being kind, she's using you and your colleagues as a sort of emotional baking dump. I have a complicated relationship with food, and, while it's my responsibility to deal with it, having someone constantly trying to foist baked goods on me would really bother me.

And making sure that everyone knew she was upset because you won't eat her cake is rather pathetic.

Because she’s not doing it to be generous and for other people, she’s doing it because she gets something out of it and you’ve spoiled that by saying no! You are supposed to be grateful and fuss over her.

otherwise she’d say to the office in general I’ve baked a cake it’s in the kitchen help yourself or, I’ve made some jam, it’s on the side there feel free to take it. But no she wants the thanks, the dopamine hit.

You sound like hard work, OP. I feel sorry for your colleague.

This woman does sound really annoying @RafaFan. She is lucky you all seem to be polite and nice to her, I've worked with people who would have told her to stop bringing in her offerings as they dont want them. Actually, maybe you should do that.

So not actually 'weird' food, then, just food you don't like?

I'd take them home and give them to my DH, because he'll eat anything (and still stay thin as a rake)😃 If you don't have anyone in your circle who'd appreciate them, just say no thanks - which is exactly what you did.

But when OP politely declined the peppy jelly, her co-worker got in a strop and made her displeasure known. Surely OP should be allowed to decline an unwanted gift as long as she does it politely?

You were offered food and politely declined.
If she responds by banging drawers etc then she is not a nice person - she is a bully.

I wonder if there’s some sort of charitable outlet that would benefit from her baking, so she could continue to bake & feel needed/like she’s doing something good but it wouldn’t go to waste/make things awkward for colleagues.

That is really grim. 🤢 I bought scones at a farmers market once and found hairs in them, and that was bad enough.
To be fair, I don't really worry about the hygiene of this woman's cooking because she is a very meticulous person, but I did get pieces of egg shell in a cake she made once.