Conséquence?

[DisplayRabbit]

What kind of consequence would you give an 11-year-old who makes fun of his 7-year-old brother for still using a booster seat in the car, when he doesn’t?

I would simply tell them to stop. Unless I've misunderstood the meaning of "Conséquence" as my French isn't very good.

I’d have a conversation about bullying never being acceptable and how we treat each other in our family. But then that’s more my style than what I see as meaningless consequences.

During the incident: a firm “absolutely not, you don’t speak to your brother like that!”
Later when emotions are calm: conversation

Sorry, I’m trying to improve my English I meant more like a consequence, not really a punishment. I don’t like that word.

I don’t understand why my son does this. He’s always hated booster seats, and neither have his friends. The other day he even sniffed his brother’s car seat in front of him and said it “smelled like a baby,” which made his little brother start crying.

This is bullying. Have you given him a serious talking to and told him it is completely unacceptable?

Yeah, but I get the feeling he doesn’t really care. He’d actually need a booster too he’s still small but he’s been so difficult lately that I decided to take it away. Otherwise it would be constant tantrums; he feels like a little kid when he’s in it. His booster is just sitting in the garage.

can you make the 11 year old sit on the booster seat for a short journey?

[actually, that is a very bad idea and associates the booster seat with punishment].

there are good suggestions above to (a) say no that is unacceptable immediately and (b) talk over why it is cruel to say something that makes your brother cry at a later point.

Also, you could have a treat system for good behaviour in the car, either getting to choose some music for everyone to listen to or get a treat at the end of the journey or similar.

Well, he actually needs one he’s not yet at the ideal size but I’ve already tried explaining it to him and nothing works. He just doesn’t want a booster. To quote him, “None of my friends have one, and boosters always smell.”

I’d put him in the back, 7 year old in the front seat, and say that you’ve moved him because you won’t make the 7 year old sit next to him to be bullied.

This wouldn’t be happening either. It’s the law, so he’s using it. If wants to be driven somewhere (friend’s house, sports club, birthday party) then he can use one.

On booster seat ?

I think that’s a good idea - 7 yo gets to sit in the front.

I would also consider whatever consequences would bring it home to him - loss of screen time, earlier bedtime on a weekend, loss of pocket money

Bullying is the one thing I take absolutely none of from/ between my children. No one teases or mocks anyone else.

It’s complicated in practice — he sulks, yells, and just refuses. His booster is actually pretty low-key; it’s a backless Graco with armrests, a “big kid” kind of thing.

@DisplayRabbit you can't let a child dictate to you like this.
If he still needs a booster seat, he has to use it. It's illegal not to do this.

You need to be firm with him. Send him to bed early, without any tech.
Tell him that he'll get it back when he stops defying you and stops bullying his brother.

You're the parent so you decide what's happening.
Remove treats from him.
Make sure that he realises it's because he's rude and disobedient.

Don't drive him anywhere! Leave him at home.

What should I do about his friends? It’s heartbreaking to see him like this, stressed out and embarrassed when he’s on his booster. He feels so ashamed.

Sound like most siblings tbh. Your younger one needs to find something to retaliate with. Its called thinking on your feet. I had to do a lot of that as a kid, my older brother taunted me all the time and my mother never intervened

Who cares, honestly?
He's a defiant bully and you need to be firm with him, not let yourself be bossed around by a child.
I wouldn't be heartbroken on his behalf. I'd be heartbroken to hear him being cruel to his little brother.

I’m going to put his booster back in starting tonight.

Agree with this.

It's not you OP that's made the rule it's the law.
Best he gets used to following the rules of the law and not get to pick and choose.

No booster seat no getting in the car, unless he doesn't give a toss as it'll be someone else, as in you that gets the fine if caught, which in itself is another trait that needs knocking on the head.

You can not like the word punishment and you can not like your son being bullied but you ultimately need to pick what's more important cos currently your eldest is running rings around you

Do your older boys also struggle with booster seats?

Show him a safety video of what happens when children arent using car seats/boosters when they need them.
As for being a bully to his brother, just do not accept it. Home is a place youre supposed to feel safe, not the source of stress like that. I'd be wondering what him and his friends are like at school if they have this attitude. Is it toxic masculinity? They're too big to adhere to the legal requirements of road safety? Do you have a community police person who you could connect with and have a talk with him

If he's 11 he can read and understand the law himself - show him: https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules.

Until he is 12 years old or 135cm tall, he must use a car seat. So if he's on the short side, well he still has less than a year to wait.

I'll tell him that him bullying his brother has drawn your attention to the fact that you are breaking the law if he does not meet the legal requirements and he now needs to use one until he does meet the legal requirements.

That should shut him up.