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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Suspect DH has depression

2 replies

EmsieB · 17/10/2025 14:20

My DH is 51, had a rotten childhood and always feels the need to prove himself. CEO, runs successful business, takes care of himself. Super intelligent and high achieving. He had an intense upbringing (different culture to UK, alpha male Dad and older brothers) and has always struggled with emotions and relationships. He's really stressed with work, finances and he lost his Dad 2 years ago. This seems to have brought up all sorts of negative feelings. He is drinking heavily, has problems sleeping and has occasional panic attacks. I saw my therapist this morning as I am struggling to support him - mostly due to him being totally closed off to me and stone walling me. He is def emotionally avoidant and I think I am anxious attachment. She thinks he is depressed (she has met him as we had some marriage counselling sessions together with her a few years ago) and has recommended that he seeks help - probably a pyschiatrist, medication and EDMR therapy. I agree with her as I know that I cannot fix him. The problem is that he thinks it all a load of bollocks and refuses to go. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this. How can I encourage him to go and see someone?! We have been married for 24 years and have 3 kids (17, 20, 22).

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 18/10/2025 07:50

If he refuses to seek a diagnosis and treatment then it’s up to you as to what you want to do. Stay or go. It’s not going to get better if he won’t do anything about it.

RainbowBagels · 18/10/2025 08:00

PersephoneParlormaid · 18/10/2025 07:50

If he refuses to seek a diagnosis and treatment then it’s up to you as to what you want to do. Stay or go. It’s not going to get better if he won’t do anything about it.

Edited

I agree. He needs to go to therapy and want to try and make the most of it. If he won't there's nothing you can do about it. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to live with it. My DH suffers with anxiety and depression. Hes medicated and it's relatively ok atm but I often feel that just me being here is enabling as he doesn't actually have to get over his anxiety about things because Im doing it ( kids having enough to eat, finances, driving etc). To be honest the drinking heavily and not seeking help is only going to get worse.

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