To be resentful of MIL taking away all my early moments

[Diy322]

She never left me or my kids alone when they were born. She would just walk into our home with spare key 3/4/5 times a day. I never felt relaxed. Even doing skin to skin as recommended by midwife I felt unable to do incase she walked in and I would feel awkward her looking at me.

With breastfeeding she would try to get involved - she would start adjusting my baby , moving my breast around! Also Telling me I was doing it wrong. She never breastfed btw. She told me no one did in her days. I was expected to put up with her as DH made it all sound normal mil behaviour and she was entitled to enter her son’s home anytime she wanted

I just hate the way she wrecked my precious bonding time and maternity leave twice. My kids are 5 and 11 now but I still can’t get over it. I find myself crying about her on some days. I don’t have a relationship with her anymore. DH takes kids every Sunday on his own. I feel really guilty sometimes as she’s getting on in age and I should help out but then I have to keep reminding myself why. I feel I can’t let myself forget as I will be drawn back in again.

OP sounds like a bit of a wet wipe, maybe he needs a break!

Come on a dad taking his kids to see his mum on a Sunday, sounds ideal to me,

Your husband is as much to blame as your MIL. He told you that her batshit behaviour was absolutely normal when it obviously was not. I can't believe that she touched your breasts and that you didn't yell at her to fuck right off. Your DH is obviously a gaslighting twat.

Stop letting him take your kids every weekend. He can go and see her on his own and do all the elderly care that she may need.

You feel she ruined the early days but you are now letting this festering rage consume you and impact your children’s childhood as well. You can’t change what happened but you can stop it being an ongoing issue for you now.

It doesn't sound like a MIL problem to me. It sounds like a husband problem. 💯
As he wouldn't support you in asserting boundaries, and instead of calling him on it, your resentment to her has festered, as she was allowed to get away with her shenanigans, and he normalised it. 😠

But this was years ago.
You are also accountable in this.
Did you assert boundaries?
Were you reliant only on MIL for support, so felt you could not rock the child-care boat? Do you have support from your own family and friends? 🤔

In future, how would you ideally like your Sundays to play out? 😇
Would you like your children to see their Granny every fortnight instead of weekly?
Do you wish that you and your DH and kids would go on outings as a family on a Sunday?
Does he put in effort towards you on special occasions, such as birthday /Mothers Day?
Or is he a pandering mummys boy and you come second?

I suspect that there is more at play her than just your MIL being a dick during your early stages of motherhood.
And my bets are the husband is a large part of it. 😣

Edited to say: I hope you're okay and please, try not to let this lady live in your head rent free. It will grind you down.
Hugs to you 🫂

You married a mummies boy unfortunately OP, IME it never goes well.

Sorry for not responding sooner. Yes you all are right I shouldn’t let her continue to live rent free in my head. I just feel intense rage but then guilt as she’s an old woman and is struggling. I have seen her for a year now

What are you going to do about it, you.
Only you can sort your feeling out
In regards to MIL struggling, struggling with what?