AIBU to think holidays with kids aren’t really holidays at all?

[GlowWithBalance]

We’ve just come back from a week away, and honestly, I feel like I need another break to recover from it. Between packing, cleaning the Airbnb before leaving, managing constant squabbles, and trying to keep everyone fed and entertained — it didn’t feel like a holiday at all.
Every photo looks lovely, but behind the scenes it was chaos. Tantrums, forgotten essentials, someone always hungry, and the endless “what are we doing next?” made it more stressful than work.
It got me thinking — are family holidays just an expensive change of scenery rather than actual rest? I can’t be the only one who secretly prefers staying home at this point.

I've found holidays with my teenagers to be fab - they sleep til lunchtime which means I get a nice peaceful morning, reading my book in the sun, coffee by the sea... Then an afternoon of something they want to do (sometimes more book reading / phone scrolling, but generally we go out and find something interesting), nice dinners and a few drinks, then I go to bed and they do their own thing, and put themselves to bed! And they do their own packing!

YANBU. Definitely more stress. It’s just the usual problems, whilst not having the convenience of being at home. We stopped going abroad and holidayed in the UK instead as I resented paying the money only to be stressed and miserable. My kids don’t get on as they are hugely different, and this has had a massive impact on everything, including holidays.

Never rented any accommodation where we had to do a complete clean. We always strip the beds, put the rubbish out. Leave everything clean and tidy. tbh we always enjoyed holidays with the children but we weren’t a soft parenting generation and therefore our children were well behaved and our children had a close bond. They never wanted to play with other children on holiday. We just enjoyed being together, the four of us. We didn’t have a lot of money so we rarely had meals out and always had a picnic lunch.

I’ve never found this.

We had amazing family holidays

Sometimes use meals from.Cook or a Gousto box, for convenience

No, i love family holidays

Never understood the "same spot, different location" trope. The different location is the point. There's places to visit and experiences to have that we wouldn't at home. And it isn't all the same shit. There's no work or morning school routines etc.

Yes you have the same entertaining small children etc but bedtimes can be flexible and all that too.

I genuinely enjoy hols with mine (now 10 and 13). From very early on I really stressed compromising - we all (including me) get to pick a few things we really want to do and no one's allowed to whinge about it.

That wasn't my experience. Sure the kids created work and stress but being away from home with interesting things to see and do, and focusing solely on family was lovely. Chores on holiday related only to shopping, cooking and bedtime routines, and having DH to share them all with throughout was a lot easier.

We did all sorts - self catering, family owned cottage, hotels, all inclusive hotels with children's entertainment, moving on every few days (the latter when they were older). All among my best memories of having a young family.

I'm sorry it's not working for you OP. I'll agree on the packing though!

Oh I love holidays with the kids. But I guess it depends what type of holiday you enjoyed pre kids.
We plan a few days trips and activities and fill in any spare time with swimming and ice cream. I love not having to worry about work, school and routines.

For me that type of self catering isn’t a holiday- at home I have a cleaner so why would I want to spend my holiday cleaning?

We find all inc with a good kids club and some sort of suite style room our best option, and budget accordingly. But that’s just us, different things suit different people and the key is knowing what works for you.

Also reasonable expectations- holidays with toddlers are always going to involve meeting their needs but DC are late primary and stay up late with us for dinner, carry their own suitcases etc.

I have twins who are almost 9.
The worst holiday we ever did was a trip to Spain (we flew there) to stay in a holiday cottage belonging to a friend of a friend, when the kids were about 4. It was miles from anything, and although the cottage had a pool, it was too cold for them, and it was all just rubbish. The kids were grumpy and bored, and DH and I were fed up. It was no different from being at home, but with none of the home comforts. Lesson learned though, we kept holidays UK based until the twins were 8.
We took them to Norway this past April. Both are outdoorsy, love a poke through the woods, and had recently both really enjoyed learning about the Vikings at school.

Poor DD had a nasty ear infection the whole time, and DS was just in a foul mood for no obvious reason. DH and I ended up having to divide and conquer. There were some good moments, and some nice photos, but we spent a lot of time sorting out DD and her ear, trying to cheer up DS, and generally putting out fires.
We have thought about a Disney trip, but DD doesn't like rides and DH gets motion sick... 😑

Sorry but I agree with this. I loved holidays with my kids, actually a bit gutted that they’re both getting older and probably won’t have many more with them!
I will say I did very minimal cooking and cleaning, stayed in hotels rather than air b&bs and either all inclusive or ate in restaurants.
Booked hotels in sunny locations with pool and beach so there wasn’t the constant need to plan activities and our holidays included a lot of down time
Also helps that my husband is very hands on the land the practical side of parenting is shared very evenly, including on holiday.
I would look at a different type of holiday next year OP with less leg work for you.

No. Definitely not a holiday with kids. I have one only. When she was 6 or 7, we went to Wales to a Haven site.

3 or 4 days into the holiday, we were that knackered with all the activities, DH fell asleep at the wheel for a microsecond and the car hit a roman type wall on the road side. Wing mirror flew into a field of cows. I had my eyes closed too probably. Not that a passenger can grab the wheel easily.

Holidays are not relaxing for me at all. But I absolutely cherish having that quality time with my little one and making fun memories for us.. I take him away a few times a year, mostly uk breaks, and I’m grateful to be able to do that for him and share these precious moments that I hope will become core happy memories for him when he’s older…

Always loved ours at least til dd hit puberty when it got trickier. Always self catering, always somewhere with a pool and plenty of activities / days out. I never fretted about food. Dd was a fussy eater and if it was chips and ice cream and she didn't starve, all good, though I did try to get some fruit in. Never lots of cooking, bits from the market, something on the BBQ, or takeaway on days we didn't eat out. We did a lot of gite complexes and Eurocamp and balanced time between pool and days out so it never got too much. Afternoon naps. I can see why if you spend a fortune on a big AI place with all bells and whistles, kids can get overstimulated and crazy.

Know what you mean!

The only way a holiday is a holiday for me is if it’s all inclusive by the pool - kids get their own snacks and drinks and we don’t do much other than the pool (which everyone loves). I know many people think that’s a waste of life but I agree with you otherwise.

Generally holidays are great but one year we took dc6,4 and 2 on a self catering ski holiday with an elderly relative. That one was quite interesting.....

Did you manage much skiing?

I do as little cooking and cleaning as possible on my holidays after all it’s my holiday too.

We were both on the mountain with children, we stayed on lower small slopes and took turns with the 6 year old (and then the 4 year old too who was surprisingly good!).

The other parent stayed with 2 year old and did toboganning/snowmen etc.

We enjoyed but it was a tiring holiday.....

YANBU I actually schedule a few days to myself after every vacation for the same reason. So we go on vacay and then when we get back I either have a few days off while they're at school or camp or whatever.

What you should do (what we do) is talk about all the things we don't like about the vacation during the vacation, and how we can change them for the next time. So one big thing we didn't like about our last trip to a cabin in the woods was the cabin in the woods, which sounds funny, but we all really wanted air conditioning, flushing toilets, and wifi, but we loved the woods, the beach, and exploring the nearby villages, so next summer when we go we're staying at the small hotel in one of the villages where we have all the stuff we wished we had in the cabin, and we're visiting the woods, the beach, and exploring the villages the same as before.

There are other things that can't be avoided, like the children childrening, which is why they start summer camp the day after we get back!

Yanbu

Especially self catering