For loved ones expecting quick responses all of the time?

[MsGiGi]

My DM tried to phone me at 4pm whilst I was asleep. Then, she texted me at 5pm saying that she was upset with me because I did not answer her call or text her back. I was still asleep at this time.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and has happened a handful of times recently.

How do I gently let her know that it’s unrealistic to expect swift responses from me all of the time? Would this be unreasonable?

Often retired people have no concept of time. As an exhausted single parent with a dm who does this, I understand. Switch phone off.

Don't even engage with that aspect. Call her back when it's convenient. If she asks again just say you were busy. She doesn't need to know what you were doing.

You aren't being unreasonable in not responding to messages immediately.

Now you know this (and I assume a MN consensus on this) you just tell your mum she is being unreasonable in expecting you to jump when messages you.

The fact that you don't know this already, and your description of your DM's behaviour around this issue, points to her being overbearing/anxious/narcissistic or some such, and that is likely to be the root problem.

Ageist much? The OP hasn't even specified her mum's age.

I wouldn't tell her gently - I'd probably say 'For God's sake mum, I didn't call you back because I was asleep! If you call or message me when I'm busy, I will get back to you when I can so stop expecting an instant response!'

This.
Keep saying you are busy.
Don't indulge this.

Is she doing it because she disapproves of you being asleep at 4 or something odd like that.

How do I gently let her know that it’s unrealistic to expect swift responses from me all of the time?

Just say that. Why would that be unreasonable? You were asleep! And, even if you weren’t, sometimes people are busy/don’t fancy chatting. And that’s perfectly fine.

Do you often have trouble asserting yourself, OP?

She didn’t know I was asleep until I told her hours later.

Yes, I do. That’s why I asked for guidance on here

It’s true. MIL thinks nothing of dropping round at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon expecting to be let in and made a cup of tea etc - I have to remind her each and every time that I’m working (she then mutters to herself about not being appreciated then walks off)

"I was doing something else"

Or getting dementia or altzheimers and being completely unaware of time?

How extraordinarily patronising. Why would anyone expect their adult child to be asleep mid afternoon!

Didn’t the OP mean 4 a.m. and 5 a.m.?

No, I don't think so. What's wrong with an afternoon snooze anyway? I often have one.

Nothing is wrong with an afternoon snooze at all but if it was just an afternoon snooze I don’t see quite why the OP was so annoyed by the call.

Nothing is wrong with an afternoon snooze at all but if it was just an afternoon snooze I don’t see quite why the OP was so annoyed by the call.