To think my nearly five year old should be able to wait

[canyouwait]

This is really starting to grate and I wonder if I am overreacting.

So obviously sometimes I’m doing something else and I need my ds to wait. But he just ignores me.

So something like
’mummy?’
’just wait a minute DS’
’MUMMY?’

It is just so wearing.

It is wearing but 'a minute' can mean anything from in the next few seconds to 10 minutes later. Like everything else, this too shall pass only to be replaced by something even more annoying

YANBU at all. When he says 'mummy' again, just carry on with what you're doing and let him wait. If you do, he'll get accustomed to the delay. It's the only way to learn.

I always used to say (if asked a second time after I'd said to wait) that I wouldn't be answering if asked any more times, and that I would be there when I was ready. I then stuck to it and totally ignored further nagging. It does work as it gets really boring not getting a response!

See I can’t do that, I just know he’d roar at me and I’d end up losing my shit completely with a full blown tyrannosaurus ‘WHAAAAAAT?’

I am really grouchy today.

You just have to power through it and stick to your guns. Go and shut yourself in the loo 😂
I presume if he shouts at you, you don't do what he's shouting at you for?

Generally it’s a ‘look at this / look at me’ thing.

I was in the loo earlier; it’s horrible being bawled at!

Then again, the operative word here is "he". I have a 68-year old DH who's exactly the same.....😕

It's a small child....... it sounds as though you may be worn down.

My DC with ADHD are/were like this (e.g. the one who is 7 still expects to gain my attention for any random thing with a second's notice) whereas my 4yo can actually wait a minute, it's always jarring when asking him to wait actually works!

I am not saying your 4yo has ADHD BTW, it's just a pattern I noticed with my children.

I found for my youngest it's better if I tell him exactly what I'm doing so he can see the progress and whether I've finished, whereas that never helped with the older two. Or if I suggest something for him to do while he waits, he will usually do it, which again, they didn't.

But if I am totally honest I think I did also train the older two to be impatient a bit because I was forever saying "Yes in a minute" and then being engrossed in whatever I was doing for another 15/20+ minutes which is about a century to a small child. I would not always notice this because my own ADHD was less well managed at that time. I thought it had just been a minute, until DH pointed out this pattern.

I think most small children do this - but that doesn't make it any less annoying and draining.

They can't wait unless they are taught they need to. It's tiring, and it's a lot of rinse and repeat. But a lot of kids now are not ever taught any (age appropriate) patience. You can forgive a 5 year old, but not an obnoxious upper primary kid who doesn't have any manners and is constantly interrupting adults/peers.

"Mummy is busy right now, mummy is going to finish washing this plate/writing this email/hanging up these clothes and then you can show me, ok DS?"

"Please don't shout DS, it hurts mummy's ears. If you wait nicely, I'll be done quicker!"

"I have asked you to stop shouting and wait nicely for me to finish [thing]. If you don't stop, I'll move away and you won't get to show me your [thing].

Praise him when he does show patience/ability to wait - and always follow through on your side and give the attention when you finish the thing.

Ugh - exhausting! But worth it for your own sanity later!

Well, how are you teaching him to wait? Kids can’t do things unless you show them how to!

I don't recall my DD ever doing this - she was very self sufficient as a child.

But oh my god my DS has certainly made up for it, he's 11 years old and still does it.

See also yelling at me from another room instead of coming to find me to tell me what the problem is! And yes he does get told off for it, but he never seems to learn!

My ds does that as well @FIaps

Nothing helpful to add, fellow servant / serial disappointer of 5 year old here too. Mine is also in the sit there and yell stage and has also started counting and then giving me a dressing down of how I said “a minute” but it was actually 3 minutes and 25 seconds….. fingers crossed they’ll all grow out of it!

Oh god, I had a very firm conversation with my 7yo a few weeks ago about knocking on the door while I am having a wee, after the last time where he bypassed the two other adults in the house who weren't trying to take a wee, to knock on the bathroom door and ask if he could watch TV.

I've made it very clear now that if it is not an emergency, then people in the bathroom get left alone.

We've worked a lot on stopping the kids from interrupting, whenever they do it I stop them and allow the person they've interrupted to continue. I've also found that saying 'I know you're waiting to speak, let me finish x and then I will listen to you' works sometimes. Sometimes I will take them by the hand or put their hand on my arm and hold it there so they know I know they are waiting. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes not.

”a minute” is a concept that he probably doesn’t understand which will make it harder.

”Just let Mummy finish on the toilet and then I will look” or “when I have finished talking to Aunty Claire you can tell me” (obviously keep the waiting time as short as possible at first!)

Being taught to wait is a good skill, but you can’t teach it when he’s desperate to show/tell you something. Literally learn to wait. Sit down together one day and practice “Sometimes I need you to wait quietly and now we are going to try it, we are going to sit here for 30 seconds.” Watch a timer together, do it. “See, that’s how easy it is, well done!”

Yeah, it’s called parenthood 🙄

Of course and I acknowledged I was being grouchy. But it would be nice to have a poo without being roared at

The other annoying thing is even when both parents are around it is always ‘muuuummmmmy!’ So it isn’t parenthood so much as motherhood!

Tell her how much she needs to count to until it’s her turn

That pretty much describes every 5 year old in the universe. Don't respond immediately, give them about 5 mummmmmeees and then ask them what they want 😆

I do think consistent patience is a little bit too much to expect of a five year old. Yanbu to feel annoyed by it, it used to bug me too. You can help him develop the skill of waiting by getting him used to you not doing what he wants as soon as he asks. I probably say stuff like ‘I’ll find your toy once I’ve finished washing the dishes’ rather than using time, which can still be tricky at that age and anyway ‘in a minute’ means different things to different people even as adults. If you keep saying to him when he is insistent and having trouble waiting ‘sometimes mum isn’t able to do things as soon as you ask me because I’m doing something else’ he’ll get the message eventually. You can also give him lots of other opportunities to practice waiting and patience- waiting in queues, waiting for things ordered online (‘your new toy will be here in three sleeps’), waiting for the washing machine (‘your favourite blanket will be finished washing in a little while’), that sort of thing

Welcome to parenthood my 15yo is still the same ! And my 2yo could repeat himself for hours until we answer 🫠