Refused a massage

[AlPaccacino]

In Corfu currently and booked a full body massage at the hotel, as a treat.

First shock was the rugby player sized beardy bloke waiting for me, but whatever. I can deal with that but it would’ve been nice to have a warning about opposite sex treatments.

Then I had to fill in the medical form. And he refused as I had cancer 13 years ago. Apparently it’s a Greek thing, that he’s not allowed to Which I checked afterwards and it was a total fib.

I’ve had loads of massages since cancer and no one has ever said a thing, and I’ve had physiotherapy massages on my knees and hips as well.

I think he just decided for whatever reason (scars maybe?) he didn’t want to do it.

AIBU when writing my trip advisor report, to drop them a star for this?

How would the name change only work sometimes? Crazy idea, you'd need to permanently change it and get a new web address. I can't see it happening as Mumsnet is already an established brand.

Sounds like a non-issue overall.

The expectation of same sex masseur is "cultural" and many countries in Europe don't share it. In my area many women actually prefer male masseur, for strength and overall feel.

I see the refusal as a kind of positive - he evaluated your health questionnaire and acted on a contraindication he saw in your case. OK, maybe it is a bit outdated, but he followed the rules.

I understand that you were disappointed that you didn't get your procedure, but I don't see harm or bad intention there.

That said, you might decide to mention the male masseur - not as a criticism, but as a "good to know" for other guests.

You would be hugely unreasonable to reduce a rating from 5 to 4 star if you’re happy with all other aspects of the hotel. Even on here it sounds like there is some confusion if massage is recommended or not, and presumably you were refunded or didn’t pay.

In the uk for insurance to be valid you need a separate oncolgy qualification in massage to be covered same as pregnancy massage. 13 years later its probably ok but some people/businesses are more risk adverse than others.

Whether it was a mistake or not, whether he was poorly trained or took a dislike to you for some reason, he was wrong and your service and experience was poorer because of it. I think that’s a perfectly valid reason to drop a star on the review, though I do think you should explain why you’ve dropped the star, so that those who aren’t bothered about that aspect can ignore if they want.

Agree with this. No one is entitled to service, and practitioners are allowed to set boundaries. Who knows what his prior experiences with patients has been.

It is certainly nothing to downgrade the establishment’s review over.

Disagree. They aren’t obliged to assume any risk that any patron demands. It’s petty to downgrade them over a disappointment. We don’t know what his insurance policy is, prior issues with patients, etc

No, he is paid to perform mutually agreed upon services.

He’s not an indentured lackey required to do guests’ bidding regardless of his own qualms.

You'd want to know in advance - a lot of women wouldn't want a male masseuse, even though some would and some wouldn't mind.

This happened to me yesterday, in the UK. I was wondering whether to start my own thread.

My breast cancer treatment finished a year ago. My surgery was two years ago.

Got into the room, taking off my coat, and I mentioned my history of cancer, as none of the forms or blurb had mentioned it, and the therapist smugly announced that she couldn't treat me as I've had cancer treatment in the last 5 years. I felt like a leper. It wasn't that she wanted to avoid that side, or wanted a disclaimer. She wouldn't touch me at all.

Massages are recommended when you have cancer and throughout treatment and later as they are relaxing. My oncologist confirmed it is fine. There is no evidence that they cause cancer or reason you can't have one.

Going through cancer is bad enough. Having to tell people over and over is also hard. Being refused treatment for no scientific reason feels cruel. I just want to move on. It also extremely frustrating. (I am weightlifting and really need a massage and was looking forward to it.)

I'm upset that this strict rule that the salon has was not mentioned in booking or on the health form, and only came up because i mentioned it. Im upset it has no scientific basis and feels discriminatory.

OP I'm sorry you went through this too. 13 years later! Can we never move on?

The massage therapist told her it was a legal restriction, it is not. So that’s either a bald-faced lie, or poor training. Both of which are perfectly valid reasons to lower a rating.

Oh, come on. He might have said "legal restriction" as a shorthand for something in his employment contract, his insurance contract, his credentials. You don't know that it was a "bald-faced lie."

The OP was perfectly willing to have a massage from him, so snarking about his training in a review would be quite petty.

He erred on the side of caution. Wouldn't we all prefer that service providers do so? He was presented with a stranger - not a client, not a patient - and determined (as is his prerogative) that his services were not a good fit for her. For both their sakes.

What kind of person downgrades an establishment on that basis?

Out of interest why is this?

Some therapists will not be insured, because of the lymphoedema risk following cancer, even if just a sentinel node removal at the diagnostic stage. Insurers want an oncology qualification.
Hence why those who've had breast cancer for example, should exercise caution when having massage, as lymphoedema can occur at any time. Then you have it for life.

I’d check your facts first. It could be a hotel/spa policy not to provide massages for people who have had cancer. Or it could be an insurance or training thing where he needs additional paperwork or training to legally do it. It’s unlikely that he turned down a paying job just because he was being awkward.

You studied and practice Greek law?

If someone is in active treatment, any form of body work, can make them very unwell, if too long, too strong, plus considerations around medications, surgeries etc.
Massage for oncology patients is brilliant, but one should only see an oncology specifically trained therapist or health professional.

Tbf if she doesn't have oncolgy training she cant massage you, she wouldn't be insured. Its absolute nonsense but its the insurance company not massage therapists making the rules. I doubt she was smug (why would she be?) more likely uncomfortable. Find a massage therapist trained in oncology massage.

How do you get through life?

You don’t have to study and practice law to find out if something is illegal.

Wow you sound entitled. A professional is not obliged to take on a client, they are a person not an object. People are entitled to have their own boundaries. You also don't know the reasoning for the boundary. Maybe his insurance doesn't cover it.

YANBU for felling upset and disappointed.
YANBU to drop a star and write about why in a review if that's how you feel.

YABU for this though
Because that’s literally what they are being paid for? I wasn’t forcing him to do anything. If I’m paying €90 for a massage then why would he not say that he doesn’t want the money when it is a service offered by the spa/hotel?
If he wasn't comfortable for whatever reason then he's got a right to not do it.

Maybe he didn't like your reaction to him and didn't feel comfortable massaging you.

It doesn’t really matter whether he was using it as a shorthand or not. The issue is far less about whether he lied and more about them taking her booking and not providing her with a service which she was happy to have.

OP isn’t happy about their practice, whether it’s based on their discomfort, insurance or or an old fashioned horror at cancer, so it’s reasonable for her to mark them down. If you go along, they refuse you service and you think it was a good call, it’s reasonable for you to give them all the stars you wish.

I’ve had this in the UK. I’m 11 years clear and one Spa in particular always insists that I have a cancer qualified masseuse and they have to do a special type of massage.

I was annoyed the first time but it’s fair enough if that’s their training and they always try and accommodate me in other ways.

Jesus, some of these responses!!! Yes op, you are perfectly reasonable to expect the service you have paid for. There is no legal or medical reason why you shouldn’t have a sodding massage. And no, you aren’t being “entitled” or “treating him like a servant” or whatever other shite people are slinging around.
And yes I also agree that when booking a massage it should be made clear it’s a male therapist. I’ve refused a massage with a man before now, I am simply not comfortable with it.