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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to change my sons school due to an intense friendship?

5 replies

Essecks · 16/10/2025 14:08

So my son is in reception, and has very mild SEN, no speech delay and nothing that's causing him to fall behind. If anything, he's very advanced.
He's been in his primary school since nursery and has developed an intense friendship with another child who also has SEN. His friend's needs are a bit more complex than his, he has a speech delay and has a dedicated TA.

I've been out in the school holidays with this child and his parents, lovely family, but I've seen his best friends behaviors related to his SEN.
I've now noticed my child is copying his best friend and it's causing him to go backwards. For example, where he used to say "mummy please can I have some food?" he's not going "hungry! hungry!" and pointing at his mouth. And say if he's upset he'll go "cuddles! cuddles!". He's just going to one word answers rather than actually speaking like he usually does. I've tried not responding to him when he does this and asking him to use his words, but if anything, it's getting worse. There are more examples of this. He even sounds like his friend when he's saying it as he changes his voice.

Another thing is toileting. We've never had any issues, however, now he's started wetting himself where he stands. I know that his friend does this, I've seen it over the past 18 months.

There are other things which aren't a problem as such, but he's copying his tics, the way he runs, and the noises he makes.

The friendship is intense both ways, I'd say best friend is a bit more reliant on my son that my son is of him, for example if my sons not available to play, best friend will have a meltdown. My son will be upset if best friends not available to play but not to the same extent, but he will ALWAYS choose to play with best friend. They both have other friendships but will choose each other over all else.

I've spoken to the teacher, she says that she already keeps them separate in class as she doesnt get the best learning out of them when they're together. She's said she's going to put my son into some social sessions they run, as there are some other little boys in there (even though my son doesnt need them) to try and manipulate some new friendships. However, I don't think this is going to work as I've been trying to do this myself. We've been meeting up with another boy in his class regularly outside of school, and they're really good pals but my son and his best friend always gravitate towards each other. We do extra curricular activities which he enjoys and has friends in but still not a scratch to BFF. It's a single form entry so no chance of moving classes and they'll be together now until year 6.

Am I awful in considering moving his schools as I'm seeing him regress so much? He's got such a wonderful friendship with this boy, and they're a lovely family. I'd still send my son to a club that best friend also goes to once a week so they can maintain the friendship (but less intense). To clarify, best friend isn't naughty and is a great kid, just has more complex needs.

Overall, I'm happy with the school, my sons happy. I'm not hugely impressed with the school but its okay and I wouldnt be considering moving my son if it wasn't for this issue.

OP posts:
PixieandMe · 16/10/2025 14:14

The school will probably put them in different classes next year (are there 2 classes in Y1?). This happened to my son and an intense best friend (not as intense as yours, no mimicking etc.). They’ll very likely grow apart once they’re in different classes.

My son and the other lad are youth adults now, the friendship drifted after Reception year and they both formed their own friendship groups.

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/10/2025 14:14

I'm not sure that I'm buying the link that you are making. You really think that DS has started wetting himself because his friend does?

Essecks · 16/10/2025 14:17

@PixieandMe Single form entry unfortunately so they'll be together all through school.
@Ablondiebutagoody I've spent time with the children in school holidays, so I can see clearly my son is copying him. There are some behaviors my son has which if I was best friend's mum, I'd be unhappy at BF taking home, my son is by no means perfect! But yes, he is copying him.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 16/10/2025 14:30

My DCs are much older and this is probably not recommended now but I remember one of my DS25’s friends’ mums telling me she had been firm with her DS when he was copying a third child with speech similar to what you have described. She basically told him that if he carried on copying the other child’s baby talk he would not be allowed to play with him again. I’m not sure how she thought she could ensure that, but apparently it worked. Would a better way of handling this be if you explained to your DS that his friend will be helped a lot if he shows him how to speak in sentences- in other words, that he can help the other child learn? Like we tend to do with the older Dc at home?

Summerhillsquare · 16/10/2025 14:54

You have to have a bit more faith in your parenting skills and in your child than that.

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