Hate being around drink

[Sleighmyname86]

Lost a parent to alcoholism and ex partner was a horrific alcoholic. As a result I just don’t like being out in heavy drinking environments like pubs, parties, festivals etc.
Im always more than happy to see friends over a meal or a play date with the kids but most socialising seems to centre around drink, which just doesn’t match my values anymore.
AIBU to refuse these places if I don’t drink?
YABU- suck it up and see your friends!
YANBU- don’t do things you don’t agree with and see friends in other contexts

Only you can make this choice - it just depends what means most to you. It would be easy for me to say ‘just suck it up’ but I don’t know what your full strength of feeling is, whether it’s actually distressing for you or just annoying, how much you’d be prepared to be sacrifice in terms of friendships just to avoid booze etc. Only you can decide.

My abusive ex partner was an alcoholic and very immersed in pub culture. I still very much enjoy a drink and I still like pubs and bars and a drink with friends - but there are certain types of pubs and certain types of drinking that would bring back awful memories for me and I would avoid those like the plague. Fortunately, none of my friends are into that kind of drinking so it’s not so much of an issue these days, but I have avoided a couple of visits to my (actually lovely!) SIL and her husband because I find it extremely difficult to spend a Saturday afternoon with them in their local, which is often what they’d suggest doing. I don’t disapprove of it in any way, but I do find it what I guess would be called ‘triggering’ in terms of bringing back bad memories of my ex.

Do what you like, but don’t be surprised when others do what they like too.

Depends how much you want to see them. I think it's unreasonable to expect them to not go to restaurants and pubs in winter as it's not much fun going for a walk in a freezing cold dark park. But it's not unreasonable for you to just not see them if you'd rather do that and have a less close friendship. It's hard to catch up properly at soft plays etc so evening meets tend to be important for maintaining friendships long term.

YANBU, as a fellow teetotaller, I am less willing to go along with pubs as I get older.

I may show my face at a leaving drinks but won't spend the evening there anymore.

I don't anywhere where people are likely to be terribly drunk, or in the process of getting terribly drunk. Alcohol is stupid.

I don't miss it and the people there don't miss me. Do what is best for you, I assure you that your friends won't think of you twice (not least because they're too busy getting shitfaced - just wish them well).

I 100% feel this at the moment. (My brother is a alcoholic, dad's ex wife is, my own DM drinks heavily, my SD does). I think it's become far too culturally acceptable being around alcohol a lot of the time.
I have kind of drifted towards less night time socialising (going to the pub, clubs, parties) and opted for more day dates with friends (day trips, cinema, experience days, beach days, coffee etc). I also don't gift alcohol as presents.
Hopefully your friends are more understanding 😊

Have you raised this with your friends?

It's obviously unreasonable to expect them to avoid bars and pubs, but I'm sure they'd be happy to arrange something that's suitable for you on occasion.

It's more polite than just starting to swerve them.

I feel the same: my dad and my ex husband were both alcoholics. I drank moderately heavily when I was younger but grew to really hate the effect it has on people and also from a health perspective I increasingly don’t see much upside.

I am not quite teetotal, I drink maybe once a month and only ever moderately and socially but increasingly I am repulsed by heavy drinking culture and avoid it when I can.

Thankfully I think our culture is changing to reflect this. Pub-going is far less popular than it was and pubs that thrive are those that serve food and have other attractions aside from getting hammered.

I think most people (other than those with problematic drinking) drink less nowadays as they get older anyway. I am early 50s and menopausal and alcohol massively exacerbates menopause symptoms. Most of my friends have significantly reduced the amount of alcohol they drink.

Thank you. This is how I feel.
my true friends will see me for a meal and not just want me to attend a ‘bottomless brunch’ or go somewhere to get smashed.

To all the other posters who mentioned it.., I’m not expecting all park dates and soft play in the winter!! A meal in a pub at night or cinema, theatre, anything as long as it’s not just ‘drinking’

Yanbu

People need to ask why they need so much alcohol?
There are some lovely soft drinks around, why do they need alcohol?

Are they trying to get drunk?

I can't vote as, most people, who have a normal relationship with alcohol don't need to avoid places where drink might be available.
I don't drink much but have no problem going to an event where there is alcohol as
a) I'm not triggered by it
and, importantly,
b) No-one I socialise with feels the need to get drunk when they are near alcohol.

I don't think it is the venues / events you need to avoid, so much as the people you are mixing with.

May I ask how old you are?
my friends are 30s/40s and always want a drink when we go out.

60s now, but it was the same in my 30s and 40s.

Actually, if anything, there was less drinking in our 30s and 40s because people had to get back for babysitters, and get up early with young dc the next day. Mostly one of each couple would be driving. Nowadays my peers tend to have more spendable cash (more likely to be able to afford a taxi) and no small dc to get up with the next day, so overall are more likely to be drinking. But still no-one ever feels pressure to if they don't want to, and no-one I go out with goes out expecting to get drunk.

That sounds very judgemental. Not all people who drink are pissheads. It’s surely not a puzzle to you that some people like to drink alcohol?

You’re not unreasonable but neither are people who enjoy boozy environments. Of course you can choose to socialise in environments you’re comfortable in, but so can other people. It’s just a matter of finding friends who like the same things as you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m sober and I loathe being around boozers. If you can avoid it, do.

I'm the same. I can't stand the stuff and hate being around people who are drunk.