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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told my sister to get counselling for her obvious food issues

40 replies

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 12:56

My sister has obvious issues around food and always has done. When she was a child she would become angry at people eating, if they had a lot of their plates she would protest that it was too much etc. now as an adult she dislikes overweight people, actively despises obese people, gets angry at the words “breakfast” and “supper”, constantly comments on people’s food and eating habits …

Last year she was arrested for punching her then partner in the face as he was eating crisps too quickly or something ridiculous. The charges were dropped but it was a scary time, I did my best to support her at the same time was like wtf, you can’t just punch someone over a packet of crisps!

Anyway, that finally blew over but last weekend the police were called after she started a huge argument in an all you can eat restaurant (which for obvious reasons she shouldn’t have been at!). Turns out she’d started on a random woman because of how much she had on her plate doing impressions of her and ultimately throwing food at her. The woman obviously retaliated and the police were called. She got away with it but the bloke she was with left saying she was a nutcase and he had no interest in pursuing things with her. I’ve told her she needs counseling but she sees absolutely nothing wrong with her behaviour. AIBU to distance myself from her until she gets help? No idea why she is like this. Shes never had an eating disorder or anything, no going hungry as a kid, no being forced to eat stuff as a kid - as I said this started very young anyway.

Its worrying and embarrassing, not to mention the fact that we can’t discuss food around her and god forbid anyone mentions breakfast - it’s just ridiculous how we’re all expected to tip toe around her without any expectations of her to sort it out. There is talk of a Christmas meal this year, no fucking chance I’ll be going yet im seen as the one causing issues by our mum??

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 16/10/2025 12:57

WTF? She sees nothing wrong in throwing food?

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 12:58

Holluschickie · 16/10/2025 12:57

WTF? She sees nothing wrong in throwing food?

Nope, she said it was justified because of how high the woman’s plate was piled

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 16/10/2025 12:59

I would distance myself.

CrazyGoatLady · 16/10/2025 13:00

If this is real, then I fear it may be beyond even counselling to fix!

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 16/10/2025 13:02

It sounds like she needs to be sectioned, nevermind counselling.

NuffSaidSam · 16/10/2025 13:03

She's clearly extremely mentally unwell (and violent). I would definitely be distancing myself from her. I hope she gets the help she needs before she does something terrible.

WoahWoahandThriceWoah · 16/10/2025 13:03

She definitely has an eating disorder of some kind!
If she had thrown food at me in a restaurant she would probably need tube feeding for a while whilst her teeth were sorted out ...
I am surprised no-one has decked her by now (she clearly sees no issue using violence to make her completely crazy point).
If this is real absolutely do not entertain the idea of a Christmas meal with her and if she asks for the reason why tell her straight! She is crazy.

DaffodilValley · 16/10/2025 13:04

If she is assaulting complete strangers in public, I’m astonished she isn’t already having therapy, or at least everyone around her hasn’t told her to get help.

That she has seriously assaulted two people with the police involved over something so trivial and not been charged stretches my suspension of disbelief, if I’m honest, but she most definitely isn’t someone you should be spending time with.

Redflagsabounded · 16/10/2025 13:05

She's very lucky not to have been done for assault in both those cases

She has a mental health problem around food. If she won't accept that and get help there's not much you can do other than avoid food situations with her and wait for the inevitable to happen one day. I would not be tiptoing around it any longer if that's unavoidable. It's a shame your parents are doing this as it's not done her any favours at all.

BadActingParsley · 16/10/2025 13:05

She needs help. I can’t believe this is real.

Mewling · 16/10/2025 13:07

Does your sister have a history of mental health issues? Aside from the food throwing and violence surrounding it, she clearly has very fixed ideas as to how the world should be and no consideration of other people.

Mewling · 16/10/2025 13:08

DaffodilValley · 16/10/2025 13:04

If she is assaulting complete strangers in public, I’m astonished she isn’t already having therapy, or at least everyone around her hasn’t told her to get help.

That she has seriously assaulted two people with the police involved over something so trivial and not been charged stretches my suspension of disbelief, if I’m honest, but she most definitely isn’t someone you should be spending time with.

Have to say, I feel similarly. And finding it difficult to believe that nobody in her immediate family has attempted to facilitate some kind of intervention to help her.

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 13:08

I can’t believe she’s gotten away with it twice either. First time she did spend a night in the police cell but he wouldn’t press charges so it got dropped. This weekend police were called but they just told her to go home.

Ive told her why I won’t be going to the Christmas dinner.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/10/2025 13:08

That is horrendous behaviour and she should expect to face the consequences of her actions.
Sounds like she needs an intense psychiatrist treatment plan not a counsellor before she throws a fit at the wrong person.

ThatCyanCat · 16/10/2025 13:08

She's most unlikely to get therapy because you told her to, but in your position I'd most definitely distance myself. I'm related to a few competitive undereaters and they've displayed some nutty and antisocial behaviour, but that really takes the... fat free biscuit?

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 13:10

ThatCyanCat · 16/10/2025 13:08

She's most unlikely to get therapy because you told her to, but in your position I'd most definitely distance myself. I'm related to a few competitive undereaters and they've displayed some nutty and antisocial behaviour, but that really takes the... fat free biscuit?

Yes she is a proud under eater. The times I’ve mentioned are just the ones that ended up with police involvement- there have been so many more incidents over the years.

OP posts:
Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 13:11

Mewling · 16/10/2025 13:08

Have to say, I feel similarly. And finding it difficult to believe that nobody in her immediate family has attempted to facilitate some kind of intervention to help her.

What can you do if they refuse to acknowledge that there is even an issue?

OP posts:
ThatCyanCat · 16/10/2025 13:30

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 13:10

Yes she is a proud under eater. The times I’ve mentioned are just the ones that ended up with police involvement- there have been so many more incidents over the years.

My relatives have ruined occasions and destroyed kitchen appliances but they've never been arrested. Small mercies!

Endofyear · 16/10/2025 18:23

All you can do is distance yourself and tell her why. If your mum chooses to tiptoe around your sister's obsessive behaviour, that's up to her but you are under no obligation to. I wouldn't want my children around her either - she is unpredictable and violent.

Butchyrestingface · 16/10/2025 18:37

Once OP’s sister gets remanded to HMP New Hall, I’m sure all her new friends will be very interested to hear her unified theory on over-eating and only too happy to accommodate her when she slaps the food trays out of their hands. Smile

I

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2025 18:43

So what do you say about the meal first thing in the morning then or does no one eat it when she’s there?

She’s really self destructive

DenmarkGirl · 16/10/2025 18:48

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2025 18:43

So what do you say about the meal first thing in the morning then or does no one eat it when she’s there?

She’s really self destructive

Best thing to do is refer to it as

“you know, the THING” with your arms gesticulating wildly !

DenmarkGirl · 16/10/2025 18:53

Axolotyls · 16/10/2025 13:10

Yes she is a proud under eater. The times I’ve mentioned are just the ones that ended up with police involvement- there have been so many more incidents over the years.

What would she think of the legendary mumsnet

MASSIVE SALAD?

MyLimeGuide · 16/10/2025 19:46

Is she autistic?

CrazyGoatLady · 16/10/2025 20:45

MyLimeGuide · 16/10/2025 19:46

Is she autistic?

Why would you ask that? Why is it on here as soon as someone describes another person whose behaviour is just plain bloody awful that someone needs to ask about autism?

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