Colleague keeps repeating everything I say to others - why and what to do?

[MrsWashington]

Hi all,
I work in a small team of 4. There’s one colleague who seems to repeat everything I say to another colleague, and it’s really starting to bother me.

For example, last Friday it was just me and her working together. My daughter (17) was sending me pictures of dresses for her 18th next year, and I laughed and said, “You’ve just turned 17, don’t be silly!” I also mentioned that I’d had a few Amazon parcels delivered to my next door neighbour that day.

Anyway, I was off on Monday and back Tuesday. The colleague I share an office with told me that on Monday, this other woman had told her all about my daughter’s dress pictures and the Amazon parcels! I just don’t get why she’d share that it’s such random, harmless stuff, but it still feels like she’s gossiping about me.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened either. She’s done it before little bits of things I’ve mentioned to her have made their way back to me via other people. It’s nothing nasty (or I don’t think it is) but it makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit stupid for being so open.

This isn’t the first time she’s done it either. It’s nothing malicious, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit stupid for chatting so openly. I know I can be a bit of an oversharer (possibly anxiety or ADHD, not diagnosed), but I don’t understand why she feels the need to tell someone else everything I say especially when she didn’t see that person all weekend, then suddenly comes in on Monday and shares it all.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Should I say something to her, or just keep my guard up and stop sharing anything personal? It’s such a small team that I don’t want to make things awkward, but I’m starting to dread talking around her.

It seems pretty harmless to me. If you are okay with her knowing this stuff, why does it matter if she tells other people? Perhaps she is struggling to find anything in common with your other colleagues and you are the only point of common ground. Repeating something you have said may seem a lot safer to her than talking about herself. Perhaps she likes going to philosophy lectures in her spare time and finds this info doesn't go down well with others. Or perhaps she spends her weekends at swingers parties. (I may be showing my out-of-touchness with that example :)) You could have fun imagining what it is she doesn’t want to talk about.

Bottom line is; if you don't want her to talk about your personal business, don't tell her your personal business.

I get what you’re saying, and I know it’s harmless stuff, but it’s more the principle it feels a bit odd that she passes on every single thing I say. It’s not malicious, just uncomfortable. I guess I need to be a bit more careful what I share, but it does make the atmosphere at work a bit awkward.

It sounds like she has an incredibly dull life if she is reduced to talking to colleagues about some fairly mundane things you had discussed with her.

It might be more understandable if you had said you were joining the Revolutionary Socialist Party or trekking the Hindu Kush as opposed to your discussion about your daughters birthday and your online shopping habits.

I honestly would stop sharing personal stuff with her. It sounds like she can’t help herself.

Oh, I get what you're saying too. You are going to have to be careful, both about stuff you don't want spread around and also your juiciest, funniest stories which you want to be able to regale your colleagues with yourself. I can see it's irritating to have to spend mental energy being be a bit guarded.

She's dull and has nothing to say for herself so everyone else's lives are fair game for discussion and disection. It's her drama, her soap, your conversation belongs to her.
Just cheerfully stop and cut off her supply.
Tell colleagues your business yourself if you want to, personally I wouldn't bother.

I agree that she must just lead an incredibly dull life, so the things that you happen to mention to her in passing - mundane as they are - are the most exciting 'news' that she has to share.

I don't think it's malicious - annoying as it undoubtedly is.

To be fair, a lot of people these days do seem to see extremely boring things as things that other people will want to hear about.

How else do you explain the number of people who take photos of their meals - even just the likes of Happy Meals that millions of people will have eaten that day - and eagerly post them on social media?

My DN once actually found - and watched - a YouTube video of somebody opening a tube of Pringles. Why would you even think to upload that?! Why would you even think to watch that?!

My SIL is lovely but like this. And she also exaggerates. For example the time when she sent me a photo of her new baby grandson and I replied saying he was gorgeous and it is almost enough to make me want another. With a laughing face! DH was rather shocked to discover from his mum that we were trying for another baby…..

Just assume that everything you tell her will be shared and only tell her things you are happy for everyone to know.

I managed someone with ADHD who did this a lot. Do you think this could be the case? I also have ADHD and don’t do it, but it was certainly something that I think helped her feel she was connecting to the group socially?

She seemed to do it more if there were tensions in the group (they could be quite bitchy). To be honest, I don’t think I’d have necessarily picked up on it but one of the group complained to me about her telling her stories for her. It was harmless though

Nothing to do with ADHD, not all of us are gossips.

Firstly stop sharing your shit with a person you know is resharing. Clearly you are just talking but she clearly has a mouth on her so if you dont want something reshared then keep it to yourself.

It's so incredibly irritating when people blame everything they do on some undiagnosed condition. Just grow up and take responsibility for your actions like everyone else has to.

It depends on the context I guess, maybe there was a conversation on the Monday about dresses or parcels and she mentioned it. That would certainly happen where I work, not for any other reason than normal chit chat but it's easily solved by not saying anything personal at work

God in Govan, hearing second hand news about my colleague's Amazon delivery sounds boring as heck. She needs to up her standards of conversation! Is that genuinely the best she can come up with? She sounds limited rather than mean spirited, but it would grate with me too.

I was meaning me having adhd I overshare at times and I really don’t mean to.
So my colleague has said she was saying it like taking the mickey like oh on Friday she was having parcels delivered and her daughter was sending dress pictures.