DS6 having all-mighty tantrums - should I be concerned?

[F1re]

He's always been pretty highly-strung, but lately his outbursts have really gone up a gear. I figured we'd be over this by 6.5, so just keen to hear from others whether this is standard for this age? I don't have much of a reference point to be honest, but these tantrums are caused by such trivial things and I'm not sure what's happening!

Today, we got in from school and I said "dinner will be ready in 5mins". He said "I'd like a snack", I said "you can have one of your mini cucumbers if you like, or some tomatoes, but not much more as I'm literally about to serve dinner".

He kicked off, with zero warning, rolling around the floor shouting at me that he wants crisps and he doesn't want a cucumber (that's usually his chosen snack...). Anyways, I stayed very calm, said I'm not engaging with him whilst he shouts at me from underneath a chair and I just continued serving dinner out. He then shouted "FINE GET ME A MINI CUCUMBER NOW THEN". When I told him that was unacceptable behaviour, he shouted that he hates me, he hates the day, he hates everything, and stomped off upstairs. Eventually came back about 15mins later, calmer.

Had another one just like this before bed because he didn't get the card he wanted in the game we were playing. The game had only been going for 5 seconds, it wasn't even like he was losing!

I mean, do 6 year olds still tantrum like this over really trivial things?

No, they don’t. I’d be trying to talk to him when he’s calm to see if there’s anything going on at school etc which he might be keeping in, and checking on things like is he sleeping ok, eating ok, is he happy with his teacher etc

No. He should learn to use his words. I think you managed it well.

Not really a big deal. He’s 6, it’s after school and nearly dinner time. Pretty unremarkable.

This is my son currently too - he was assessed as having ‘autistic traits’ - still borderline

Thanks all. They're just happening quite frequently, so whilst in isolation they don't seem like a big deal, all of them together are starting to make me worry a bit. Feel like I'm walking on egg shells around him!

Don’t walk on eggshells, this will increase his confusion. Be firm and don’t flip flop, but also choose your hills to die on. Always plan for a few games so he can ‘win’ at least one, and model good losing/winning by always shaking hands and saying ‘good game’. Avoid snack-related meltdowns by having acceptable snacks few acceptable nibbly bits available immediately after school.

A lot of the behaviours you describe are just ‘lagging’ social skills rather than neurodivergence, but could be indicative of a bigger problem, so continue to monitor.