Advice needed

[Missi1288]

My bf said he’s never been engaged to anyone before .
he has a female friend occasionally they meet up . I found some very old birthday card of his one of them was the same name of his friend of a female friend . It said happy birthday and I can’t wait for us to get married ! What would you do , do u think I should say I found it ?

It might have been an in joke. You won’t know unless you ask him about it but that depends how and where you found the card- was it quite by accident or were you snooping?

Not sure if it was a joke it said love u millions , can’t wait to get married . She’s very attractive . I just feel a bit off . He said if he didn’t want to be with me he would have said etc . But just feel very insecure as my ex cheated on me

Maybe she couldn't wait to marry him. It doesn't mean that he ever shared her feelings. He chose you.

He told me they’ve never been together as a couple , I’m not sure what to .

Perhaps they were a couple and perhaps they were talking of getting married. I assume if that was the case the reason he hasn't told you is because he will know you would not be happy him still bring close friends with someone he was romantically involved with.

Did you have any suspicion before tou found this card that they had past history. Does their friendship generally make you uncomfortable.?

Tbh i think you need to have a conversation with him about this woman. And about the card you found. Because there is really no point going on to marry someone if you think they are not being open and honest with you.

He said this is the longest relationship he’s been in , the one with me . He hasn’t met up with her for a while . I do feel a bit off when they are around each other . I never meet up with male friends on my own would always invite him , be he doesn’t see it at problem

Whatever happened, if anything, it's in the past. Let it go. You're punishing him for something that your ex did. That's not fair.

If you have a good relationship, you should be able to explain why your experiences with your ex have made you feel anxious, and then say that you found the card and it made you feel worried.

Not confrontational, just direct and honest without any blame. A good partner will be supportive and put your mind at ease, and it’s better to air this stuff in a healthy way than let anxiety build up until it bursts out in an uncontrolled way.

How old are you, how long is the relationship?

Okay , he just said he was a big part of her life . But they have never been a couple . He said I could ask his friends . I said I felt a bit uncomfortable with their frendship as she can be very flirty and he can also be like that as well . He said of he can’t meet her I will be pushing him away. I’ve never said he couldn’t meet her but just it’s odd he would want to meet her on his own . Is it just me do you think

You are jealous and trying to influence him to cool down his friendship to suit you, which is not right at all. If you don’t trust him end it.

How old are you and how long have you been together?

43 but he’s much older , been together for a couple of years . Do u think it’s me being jealous . Do u think I just shouldn’t say anything

You are 100% being jealous

Another weird jealous post, seems a lot of it about lately

How did you find the card?

Maybe he hasn't been engaged before, and it was a lighthearted comment from her. However, the card would indicate they may have been a couple. If so, he's lied to you.

I think you'll have to ask him what's going on.

You don’t do anything. What’s past is past. Leave it.

I have a very close friend (known since nursery) - his mum wanted nothing more than for us to get married, so I used to write all bday cards to him with the caption “dear future husband”

Okay thanks for your advice I suppose if something was going on between them then they would be meeting up all the time x

"Do u think it’s me being jealous "

Yes.