Parents annoyed by excessive cleanliness

[sofiaparker]

I am very very OCD and I do hygiene tasks a lot like regular surface disinfection and laundry loads. I change my bed once a week and this really annoys my parents. They think I'm being wasteful. I used to have super long showers before but have cut it down drastically to 15mins max now with the tap off most of the time while I'm lathering soap and scrubbing the shower before rinsing and maybe a quick shave. My parents get so triggered by my hygiene routines.

I've heard parents being annoyed at messy kids. But I'm not messy at all and still getting yelled at!!

AIBU?

I don’t know, I just know what I read and she says she has been diagnosed with OCD and is very ill.

I completely get what you are saying and I do think there is a lot of trivialising OCD by using the phrase I’m so OCD etc. Saying this I do think it has different levels and one person can manage the compulsions and have a normal life and others like myself before therapy have no life. I called my OCD sneaky little feckers because they sneak in and take over more and more of a persons life.

Your normal op.
I change my bedding twice a week i wash bath towels after every use.
My home is very minimal i only have what i use and need very clean spotless.
I shower every night every morning.
Im not ocd im just clean.

I was raised with a mother that wouldnt wash a cup up laundry every were no showers had to use the bath water after her once a fortnight.
Clutter all over the place just a mess never had clean bedding or towels.
I swore i would never live like it when i moved out.

I value self cleanness and a clean home over anything.

Changing sheets once a week is totally normal. Taking more than 15 min to shower isn't. You should stand your ground on the sheets, but if you're not sharing the bills it's reasonable for them to ask you not to be wasteful.

I think sometimes it's when people with OCD haven't got anyone else to rein them in and point out what is and isn't normal that the rituals and how long they take can get out of hand. But they do sound dirty in some ways (ick on the sheets) so the problem is you can't always trust what they say. So try to take on board what everyone on here is saying, and adjust what you're doing accordingly.

OP already knows her behaviour ISN'T normal; she knows it's OCD.

I think you've overcorrected for a dirty parent, and OP is doing the same thing. Do you think you might be happier if you could find the middle ground (like, wash bath towels once a week)?

I think a 15 minute shower is completely normal amount of time shaving, washing your body and washing your hair. Its only on mumsnet people don't shave or wash themselves properly plus op said shes chronically ill so likely needs longer to do basic tasks

So people who use mumsnet have a different way of washing themselves to the rest of the population? Got to say, that seems. . . unlikely. Maybe you're just not in the habit of using any other sites where such things are discussed?

No i don't spend all my time on random sites reading about people showering. Im basing it on myself and people I know who when they shower they shampoo twice and condition their hair which should be left for a couple of minutes they also have their legs, pits and bits. Then actually fully wash their bodies from top to toe. That is how you shower yet when you read mumsnet threads people are in and out within 30 seconds to 5 minutes they are definitely not washing themselves properly and doing all the above

People shampoo twice? I've never even heard of that. Why? And isn't shaving just like, once a week or thereabouts?

Like I said, it just doesn't make sense to think that people who use mumsnet somehow have different habits to everyone else, regarding showers or anything else. Seems much more likely that you and people you know (a much smaller sample) are just reinforcing each other's slightly odd ideas...?

Move out and pay for your own hot water, laundry and cleaning products. It's not unreasonable to change your bedding weekly, but 15 minute showers are ridiculous.
.

You can’t tell people what to say. She can say what she wants

You’ve posted exactly this thread before OP, and had a tonne of similar replies. What’s really going on?

can have up to 10 showers a day not including up to 5 baths as well and wash wash wash clothes

😮

You should be shampooing twice and if i didn't shave for a week id look like chewbacca

Yes I can and I absolutely will. I bet you’re the type who says “oh I’m a bit OCD, me!” because you like your books lined up tidily, aren’t you?

once a week on sheets is normal.. I personally changex3 but, do the wash (well I do that once a week ) but I live in a tropical climate. sleeping in sweaty sheets is gross, plus two large dogs that get up each night and I am sure drool..ick.

Changing the beds once a week isn't excessive. It's the minimum to be honest. Are your parents trying to make you change them less often?

The OP stated in her second comment that she was diagnosed with OCD. So if that’s the case, she can express herself whatever way she likes. People aren’t perfect. My son has severe OCD, as did I as a teenager (it’s manageable now) and I normally hate people saying they are a bit/very OCD, but this poster has come on looking for a bit of support and I don’t think it’s fair to jump all over her description of her own illness.

Exactly-it's a spectrum and it affects people to vastly different degrees of severity. I never got a diagnosis because I didn't think it affected my life that badly (it's mainly washing hands over and over and also too long showers like the OP!) but it wasn't until I met another person with OCD on here that I realised our thought processes were very similar and it was affecting my thinking on a daily basis and causing me to ruminate and just have very negative thoughts that I never even would've put down to OCD. So I totally get when you say how it takes over your life in a sneaky way.

She did not say she was diagnosed until after I and other people pulled her up on the use of “I’m very OCD”.
Perhaps learn to read timestamps.

The comment I quoted from you was after the OP stated she was diagnosed with OCD, so I’m all fine with time stamps thanks. I guess what you’re suggesting is that the OP was lying about her diagnosis to save face. You could be right. I just decided to believe her. Makes little difference to me on an anonymous forum.

My original comment where I asked her to not use that phrase if she didn’t actually have it was not. She did not state that she was diagnosed until after that. Again, learn to read a thread.

This.

Although I typically change bedding every 2 weeks these days. I tend to shower at night and not sweaty particularly, so it’s gauged on need, and time.

Well done for working on your OCD, it’s hard but worth it. Your parents sound very far the other end, not for months is grim!! I wonder how much their habits feeds into your OCD? Either way, not sure I’d take their example of more normal hygiene routines, however, they’re still alive, and in OCD treatment ideally you want to overshoot your aim as there’s normally a bit of a bounce back, so, maybe don’t dismiss it entirely…. 🤔 Maybe try changing yours only once a month for a while, learn to tolerate that, then you can decide if you personal choice would be more frequently, but you learn that you could cope if it went longer for any reason?

Good luck!

There’s some real mucky pups on here today. Not changing beds every week and not washing their hands after going to the toilet.
I don’t believe half of it.

im sorry you suffer like this

I wonder if we need to distinguish between 15 minutes in the shower room, and 15 minutes of being under constantly running water?
I shower every morning. I shampoo once, condition some days but not every day, and rarely shave, so I can be quite quick, and don't leave the water running while I'm applying shampoo, shower gel or conditioner. Then I spend a few minutes at the basin, with a face scrub etc, treating my fungal nail (sorry!) etc. So, is OP hogging the bathroom, or using too much water? What's the real issue here?