To feel guilty for this? Trigger - suicide reference.

[CarrotCrusader]

After a breakdown, I'm off work initially for a few weeks.

I've always had depression, but the past few months, made worse by a heavy work schedule and added pressures, plus the never ending doom of depression and mega anxiety, I got the point of despair. I was regularly thinking I'd be better off dead and thought of ways to do it.

My line manager told me to take time off and here I am. The thing is, I feel horrendously guilty for not being in work. My colleagues are going to pick up extra work that I could've picked up to help and I'm so worried that people will think I'm not capable of doing my job properly or will think I dont have the resillience needed to do my job. I'm junior management. This feeling is awful.

Please please don’t feel guilty. Please so focus on taking care of yourself. Treat yourself with love and kindness ❤️

It sounds like you’re not very well, have you seen your GP or similar?
I hope you can access some support, either personal or for your health.

Thank you @Deedeebob @tartyflette . I am now on antibiotics depressants with a check up with the GP scheduled. I'm also terrified I'm going to be found out thay I've done something wrong at work or something, which I don't know what that would be, but I'm scared they're going to think I'm useless and a big fat fraud.

Hi @CarrotCrusader , sorry you're having such a rough time of it.

These thought patterns are extremely common in depression: the hopelessness, sense of dread, feeling like you're letting people down, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel etc. They are really upsetting and difficult but they do not reflect reality. They are a symptom of your depression. There are many thoughts your colleagues might be having about you including concern for your wellbeing, hoping you're OK, or not thinking about you at all. The fact is you can't control what they are thinking or feeling about you so please try to put those thoughts aside (easier said than done, I know). It's good that you've started an anti depressant, and you're having a check in with your GP. You might also benefit from talking therapy. Have you spoken to your GP about this? Or is it something you can access through your employee support package at work.

I really wish you well and hope you start to feel better soon xx

I’m glad your work have been supportive. Please take the time to rest and I hope you feel better soon. You really shouldn’t feel guilty - it’s better taking time off than the alternative and if people give you a hard time or think badly, they should be ashamed x

Thank you.

I just feel like I should be in work and helping my colleagues.