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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH leaves me a lot. I feel lonely

9 replies

Catladycool · 14/10/2025 18:54

He goes on regular scout camps and meetings which is cool. In fact i encourage his own time and activities. Now he’s gone away. Just him and parents and sister. No invites to us. Not to worry as i get it if just wanting to be just them. But with friends busy with their own lives, kids all pretty much grown up and doing their own thing, leaves me with no one to really to be with. My mum passed away. My dad has his own issues. My kids moved out. One kid still home but has her mates. I work come home do the housework. Hubby keeps digging at me that i should be happy he is away with his parents. I am obviously but deep down very lonely and very bored. Also wishing my mum was here. I have lots of friends but no one us really go out like we used to having family life etc. I havent told anyone how lonely i am, they’d probably think i was pathetic or whatever. I dont need my DH around me 24/7 but lately feels like he rather be anywhere else. Im not a misery guts and the fun one of the two despite this post. He is also a functioning alcoholic and this issue is really only really witnessed and felt by me. My middle child has seen and acknowledged it which helps me feel like its not in my head. I just feel lonely so am i okay to be feeling he is a little out of order?

OP posts:
Orpheya · 14/10/2025 19:04

Any explanation from him as to why he doesn't take you to his parents ....

Smellseeker · 14/10/2025 19:07

Do you and his family get on? If you do then he's being thoughtless. I think you need to tell him how lonely you're feeling either way. He might not realise.

Mumofteenandtween · 14/10/2025 19:09

Presumably he goes away a lot so he can drink without knowing that the person he is with knows he is an alcoholic. With anyone other than you he can fool them that he is a “fun drinker”.

NewYorkSummer · 14/10/2025 19:10

You can be sure you’re not the only one aware of his functioning alcoholism. Alcoholics really don’t hide it as well as they think they do.

It sounds like you really need to have a talk with him and explain your feelings, but also, start finding things for yourself. Have you asked friends if they’re free for coffee or drinks? Maybe they are and they just haven’t thought to contact you. Perhaps think about joining some kind of local group or finding a new hobby.

CarlaLemarchant · 14/10/2025 19:10

What was the purpose of the holiday? Where have they gone? Did he discuss it with your when booking? Did you say you would like to go? Do you holiday regularly as a couple or family?

Quantumfisiks · 14/10/2025 19:16

I find it very strange he doesn’t invite you with his family. In fact, if you have grown up kids together I’m surprised the invitation to you isn’t automatic.

aa @Mumofteenandtween says, it sounds like he can hide his drinking if you aren’t there. I also suspect you have been invited by his family but he has given them some BS about you not wanting to come. Can you speak to his mum or sister and say you are upset at not being invited?

it Sounds like you’ve been groomed into accepting this. You are being apologetic about having needs- don’t be!

secureyourbook · 14/10/2025 19:24

Do you not go anywhere together? Holidays, evenings out, days out?

If not, why not?

Would you want to go out with him more or are you looking for ideas for other things to do?

How about some volunteering? I’ve met loads of friends through that. Or join a gym/a walking/running group? I walk loads with other women, sometimes just a couple of us or sometimes a group, it’s great for fitness and mental health too.

Endofyear · 14/10/2025 19:28

Are his family drinkers too? He'll probably find being on holiday a good excuse to drink more and doesn't want you there to tell him to rein it in. Now that your children are grown, maybe it's time to think about whether you want to spend the rest of your days with an alcoholic who doesn't want to spend time with you? There are plenty of better ways to spend your time - why not invite your friends out for lunch or dinner, shopping or a walk or take up a new hobby? The possibilities for finding new activities to fill your time is endless - walking in nature, hiking, gardening, running, yoga, dance, creative projects like art, music, pottery, knitting, sewing, learning a new skill like woodwork, jewellery making, massage... the world is your oyster! Look up some local evening classes and start living your life for you. Think about what YOU want from life.

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2025 19:29

Is he safe going on scout camp if he’s an alcoholic? Is there any chance he’s drinking while there?

I am the child of an alcoholic and I would ask whether you actually want to go places with him? I assume drinking fewtures heavily in everything. I’m assuming he doesn’t invite you to family stuff so he can drink and say ‘I’m enjoying this because it’s a special occasion’.

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