Should my partner pay more money towards monthly bills?

[SandraM12]

I'm a divorced mum with 16 year old twin boys who live with me. I get nothing from Child maintenance (exhausted all avenues!) and the boys rarely see their dad. My partner has lived with us for 8 years - I own my house (still have a mortgage) - he has his own house that he rents out. He has 2 grown up daughters - and 2 grandchildren.
He pays 30% of most household bills that he uses (not mortgage and insurance) - food, energy, council tax, etc. We split pet bills 50%. He pays 50% of boys' phones as a kind gesture. I pay for ALL of the boys' other needs. They have part time jobs.
Because of my partner's wage adding to household income I don't qualify for Universal Credit.
I earn £34k and he earns almost double.
Should I be asking for more than 30% / some form of rent / extra contribution - as my money is running out and he manages to save each month?
He helps a lot with DIY in the house and is more of a dad to the boys than their dad ever was, but I wonder what people's thoughts and suggestions are please?

I think I'd ask him to pay some rent, but I'd also expect him to pay 25% of the household bills (except the mortgage and homeowner's insurance) and nothing towards your children's expenses. So I don't know if you would be better off?

Why isn’t he contributing to the mortgage? Surely he would be paying to live anywhere else so why not at yours? Does he know that you lost benefits when he moved in?

So he's living rent free? - he's onto a good thing there isn't he

I think he could contribute more. 30% of "most" bills he uses? He earns double you do and has a house he rents out? Whether you get child maintenance or not is completely irrelevant, or I would think so - you aren't asking him to pay towards your children, you need to reflect the cost of living.

Thanks Steff. He already pays more than a level 25% in recognition of his higher salary.

Thank you. He does pay me £122 pm as that's what I would have got from Universal Credit. He's still paying a mortgage on the house he rents out.

I saw that but I was just thinking of me personally, if I'm living with someone that I'm not married to and don't have children with, I would be paying a per person portion of the bills. So out of four people I would comprise 25% of the household, thus I would pay 25% of the bills. I would expect to pay rent though.

Does he pay that 125 in addition to paying towards the bills ?

I think he should cover what you loose by having him there,,plus what he costs in extra gas/water/food etc

He should. Pay his share of the housing cost too. So 25% of mortgage (but as rent to you, not the mortgage). Probably less than lodging costs.

The UC is neither here nor there: you decided that it was worth sacrificing for the greater benefit of his permanent company.

How much would you get in UC if he didn’t live with you?

He should pay 50% of council tax and towards contents insurance.

I would also expect a contribution towards general living wear & tear.

Most of all I would be disappointed that he didn’t seem to notice/care you are financially struggling.

yes the £122 is extra
I could look at the difference in Council Tax for a single person and couple, he pays 50% of CT atm

He's living for free basically? Well actually for a profit since he's gaining equity whilst paying his own mortgage and getting rent on that property.

He does know that my money in dwindling and says he thinks he should pay more, but I don't know how much to ask based on % of what?

He’s saving money by living with you. Yet it costs you more as you have lost some benefits. This needs to be addressed.

If you lived alone how would you be managing to stay in budget?

Would there be turning down the heating, cheaper food, less spent at Christmas and on Birthdays?

Perhaps you need a wider discussion on how much more you need to afford the current standard of living that you both have.

If I needed to save money I could eat a lot cheaper than the 50% of DH & I, I would turn the heating down too. You may have to pay a lot less for your DC as you just don’t have the money without your partner helping.

It sounds like your income just isn’t able to absorb the increased COL of recent years.

Lots to think about, thank you

I think he should pay half of market rent. Half of that goes towards living (rent) the other half hours into a saving account and if you spilt up, you share it, and if you don't, you put towards a new home together

She said he's paying her $122 she lost in benefits. So how is it costing her?

I think he should pay rent, but assuming she didn't buy the house to accommodate him, her mortgage would be the same whether he was there or not.

He also pays half the council tax. I'm not sure what that is or how it works, but presumably she'd have to pay 100% of that if he wasn't there, or at least more than what she's paying now.

Then he's paying 30% of all the other household bills plus half her children's phones. Unless his energy use and food consumption equates to more than 30% of what's being spent, he's not costing her there, either. And, of course, if he weren't in the picture she'd be paying 100% of the children's phones.

What does he think is fair?

I think a contribution equal to 60 percent of all bills plus the UC you are missing out on. But I don’t see it as being just a payment of bills. It’s a contribution towards the wear and tear on the house he is living in plus rent.
Even then he’s getting a good deal

But two of those four people are 16 year olds. You can hardly count them as full bill paying household members.

I don’t think he’s getting a great deal honestly. I wouldn’t want to share with someone and their two sixteen year old boys and pay a bunch. It’s up to you two personally what you think is fair. The mortgage presumably you’d have regardless - plus it’s advised on here time and time again that that asset is yours and you shouldn’t have someone paying toward potentially making a claim against it.

You haven't lost anything in benefits, because he's made that money up.
He's said he thinks he should pay more. Why don't you have a conversation and start by asking him what he thinks he should pay? I don't understand why you are agonising over what to ask for, have a chat and see whether you can make a joint decision. He might surprise you! Don't put it off, you're funds are dwindling.

If you were the only adult in the house, you CT would reduce by 25%.

So you think the OP should only pay 40% of the bills despite her family making up 3/4s of the household? That doesn't seem fair.

I’m not sure I’d be asking him for more to be honest, unless you’re prepared to put him on the mortgage & give him a share.

He is 25% of the household so I’d expect him to pay 25% of the bills excluding mortgage, I wouldn’t expect him to cover any expenses for kids that aren’t his, I wouldn’t expect or want to muddy the waters by having him contribute towards my mortgage unless I was happy to give him a share. And those who make the “he’d be paying rent elsewhere” argument, yes he would, and that rent would also give him rights. Right now he could be kicked out tomorrow and have no comeback whatsoever,