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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what ideas or mindsets have evolved over time?

6 replies

AdvicePleas · 14/10/2025 16:24

This can be lighthearted or serious — but a friend and I were talking recently about how grateful we are to have evolvedover time. You know, those moments where you realise you were completely wrong about something, or your perspective’s changed as you’ve got older.

When my friend had her first baby, she had a fallout with her in-laws (especially her MIL) about them being overbearing — wanting to visit too much and have loads of time with the baby. It was such a stressful time for her.
That same “baby” is now nearly 14, and she’s realised over the years how lucky she actually was to have them. The relationship is lovely now, the power struggles are gone, and she can see how important they’ve been in her child’s life. (Obviously not all families are like that, but still — she says it was a real lesson in maturing and perspective.)
Mine’s a bit different. When my kids were little and I went away for a weekend, I used to think it was my responsibility to sort all the food, clothes, etc. beforehand — even though I had a partner. I genuinely thought I’d be a bad mum if I didn’t.
Now I look back and think… why on earth did I think that?! I don’t judge the mums — I judge the men
I’ve also realised there were things in my childhood that were seen as “normal” or “cultural” that really weren’t okay. Back then I wasn’t sure, but now I know better — and I wouldn’t excuse them.
I’ve evolved to actually believe I’m good at what I do — and that most people in the rooms you want to be in are not experts either faking it till they make it! I achieved a lot despite the odds, not because there was something wrong with me.
And I’ve realised the world should accommodate people’s needs — including mine — not the other way around.

what are things you’ve evolved in?

OP posts:
tanoshi · 15/10/2025 06:41

Going from judgemental to non judgemental

TheNightingalesStarling · 15/10/2025 06:51

We used some pretty nasty disablist language towards each back in the 90s. I'm pleased we don't now (and teens don't these days).

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 15/10/2025 19:16

Holding extreme right wing views in the 90s and committing what would be racial hatred crimes now then again it probably was then.
I eventually saw through the lies and Rhetoric and abhorr any kind of racial hatred.

AdvicePleas · 15/10/2025 19:24

@TheExcitersblowingupmymind
that was my childhood- living in fear of this!
I was friends with the little girl who’s family were the main perpetrators!!

glad you managed to evolve :

I had a lovely work colleague- when we were in our twenties - who told me she had a complete epiphany when she became an adult around all of this.
I loved her honesty

OP posts:
TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 15/10/2025 19:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

LlynTegid · 15/10/2025 19:33

If I had a vote in the 1975 referendum I would have voted to leave the EU (or EEC as it was called then). I was at primary school then.

By the time I was an adult I became in favour of the EU and voted Remain in 2016.

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