School mum advice

[ZenLover]

Hi mumsnet!
My DC is in year 2 at primary school, in reception they made friends with another DC, and are still very good friends now. We've been on several playdates with DC and her mum over the past couple of years, and our two youngest DCs are also the same age and will be attending school together as well.
All seemed great at first, but as time has gone on, I just really don't like the vibe I'm getting from this mum. Whenever she catches me talking to another one of the mums, or anyone for that matter, I can just feel the daggers, and the atmosphere change, and it's really quite uncomfortable. However, she likes to mingle with everyone, tries to chat to all the parents and works the room at children's parties.
It really feels quite suffocating for me, and like I can't make bonds with the other parents. I'm not out to be friends with any of the school parents, however it would be nice to be able to chat to them without feeling some strange guilt? I want to be able to arrange playdates with my DCs other friends without feeling like this will cause aggro because this mum doesn't like it.
At the end of the day, I don't want this to impact my DC or their school experience.

Not sure where to go from here, so some advice would be much appreciated! 🙂

I guess one plan of action would be to continue talking to other mums, make playdates with other children and continue living your life in a normal way. Given the only consequences thus far have been daggers and a frosty atmosphere I think you'll be fine.

I think you just need to carry on as usual and leave her to it. If she has a problem with you she can bring it up, but for now just ignore her

You are way over thinking this, carry on speaking to the other parents and arranging play dates. If you don't then you are keeping your sons world very small. He should get the chance to have play dates and explore other friendships too, especially given how fickle kids can be with friendships.

You just ignore it and carry on as normal. She isn't your friend, she's your DC friends mum. Who cares if she glares at you or if she works the room at parties or so on? If she wants to choose to be weird about things, that's her problem, not yours. Trust me, when they head off to secondary it's very likely you'll only see her once in a blue moon in passing, even if your kids are still mates. They'll just sort themselves out (and it's great).
I had a strange mum who decided she had an issue with me at primary and to this day I have absolutely no idea what it was all about. She went from saying hi to totally ignoring me or staring. I just carried on as normal and she probably gave up or I just didn't care enough to notice if she stopped. She tried adding me on social media when we left primary for secondary and now says hello if we pass in the village 🤷‍♀️ people are odd. If you don't engage with it, they've got nowhere to go.

Thanks all for the advice ❤️ you're of course all absolutely right, I should go about things without caring.
I guess it just feels like one of those situations where, if I do pull away from her and talk more to others, she might do something like try to ostracise me or my DC. It's really hard to explain why, but it's just the vibe that I get.
I really do regret investing so much time in one person, rather than observing and waiting a bit more like I usually do.

I think you'll find that the parents worth spending time on will be the ones who don't engage with any kind of school drama and gossip and will make their own choices about who they talk to. Most just want to do the school run with minimal fuss, have a chat about trivial stuff and go home quickly, with maybe the odd play date thrown in. Don't think so deeply into it.
You'll always get the odd one who likes to cause issues, it's forever been the way. Keep saying hi, be polite and carry on as normal talking to whoever you like. Seriously, don't let it bother you. No point is imagining up issues before they arise.

I would be careful what you say and what you believe. Kids misinterpret all the time.

My son recently lost his wellies at school. I said 'James' maybe took them home by accident as you have the same pair and his are on the welly rack still but yours aren't. The following week his mum messaged to say she had returned the wellies that 'James had stolen'. My son had gone to him and said 'my mum says you have stollen my wellies'. Luckily I know James' mum and she knew that is not what I would have said and found it funny.

My son is very literal so things I can have a joke with when I talk to his sister he would not get. If he was complaining that he was hungry on the way to school having wasted his breakfast (common occurance) I could imagine me saying something like 'I bet James' mum is as terrible as me and never feeds him either'. My daughter would laugh and get the sarcasm. My son would likely go and tell James that my mum says you mum never feeds you!