Name changed as I’ve spoken to people in real life about this.
I know this will be a potentially divisive topic, it’s an inheritance one but here goes…
My Mil passed away a few months ago, she had been widowed a couple of years ago so we need to settle the estate.
The will is fairly straightforward with the family home & any money left over being split 50/50 between DH and his brother.
Recently DH has become caught up in the idea of us moving in to late PILs home and I just don’t know what to do.
DH was very close with his parents & brother, family meant a lot to them. I think they moved in to the house when he was in his early teens if not a little younger. It certainly wasn’t his ‘childhood home’ but it was and has been ‘home’ for a long time with lots of happy memories attached so I do honestly understand the draw for DH but I just don’t know how I would feel living in ‘their’ house.
Don’t get me wrong, PILs were wonderful people who welcomed me in to the family from the get go & only ever offered us love and support. Sure, there was the odd time that they rubbed me up the wrong way but I’m sure they felt the same about me & on the whole we had a positive relationship & their house holds nothing but happy memories for me too so there are no negative associations with the house for me…it’s just not mine?
Am I being unreasonable to not give it a chance though?
We already own our own house so we don’t necessarily ‘need’ this house. PILs house is approx 5 miles from ours so on paper is an easy move (the children can stay at the same schools, activities, friends etc).
PILs house is bigger than ours which would mean the children could each have a bigger room - perhaps this would be nice to have as they get older & need a quiet space to study for exams? It would also mean that they could live with us more comfortably in to adulthood if they needed to without us being totally on top of each other. When they move out they could come back and visit with any partners & children of their own that they might have easily too with the extra space so in many ways it is more future-proof than our current house but in more of a ‘nice to have’ way than an absolute necessity if you see what I mean?
PILs had a significantly bigger garden which is more private but would involve more work maintaining it.
I’m not sure what to do - we chose our house with the idea that we would be here at least through the children’s childhood, if not longer but DH is distraught with his grief and I think living in such close proximity to his childhood home will tip him over the edge but I just don’t know if moving in to it is the right thing to do - I worry that it will always feel like ‘theirs’ not ours - will he be able to face redecorating it to our tastes? Would he cope with their bedroom becoming ours? Etc etc
But then I think he will drive himself mad wondering what the new people were doing to it if we sold it.
In many ways I wish we could just totally relocate from this area and have a fresh start somewhere new so we could sell it and move on without having to face driving past it often - we have no family nearby now that MIL is gone but our children’s lives are here and I don’t think it’s a fair time to put that kind of upheaval on them.
I also wonder if it’s fair to take our children away from their childhood home just so DH could be in his if you see what I mean?
I’m so torn - I think if there was no emotional attachment and history to the house I’d be totally up for it because it is a lovely house with lots of potential but I just worry about always feeling like a guest or that I’d have to ask permission to change anything about it. Would staying there just allow DH to stay stuck in his grief and in the past? Or is forcing him to sell it going to tip him over the edge?
Please help with any advice of what you would do in this situation - my parents are still alive but a couple hours drive away & my grandparents passed away when I was very little so I have no experience of having to deal with letting go or keeping hold of a sentimental house. I just don’t know what to do.