Selling car and money left over

[SugarPlumpFairyCakes]

What is fair? Posting here for traffic.

I am separated from stbxh from October 2022.
We have a car. We owe finance on it. All In my stbxh’s name. It is a huge payment of €1222 every month which I have been paying since October 2022.

I use the car. He doesn’t. He Lives quite far away. I’ve not been able to sell it because its value was worth less than what is owed on it. The dumbest financial decision we ever made was getting the car. That isn’t under debate.

I have got the debt down to under €20k since October 2022. Just chipped away at it and it could now be worth circa €15k more than what is owed on it.

Meanwhile, he is generous with maintainence. Still a struggle for me to cover everything. I am doing ok. Surviving. I work and I pay off the car every month. I can’t afford it any more now.
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He now wants to sell the car, pay off what is owed on it and then use what’s left to pay off some of his own debts. What debts I don’t know. He’s awful with money. None of my business anyway what debts he gets into anymore.

It’s me that has been paying off the car for nearly three years since we split albeit with some of the maintenance money and some of my earnings.

He says because he’s generous with maintenance that in effect it’s his money that’s been paying off the car. It’s not all from maintenance money at all.

Is it fair he takes all the money that’s left over once the car is paid off?

I mean he has inexplicably spent other monies that were due to pay off other debts he’s left me with like outstanding school fees. I would like to put any money left over from the car sale towards that school fee debt so I can work towards being entirely free of the financial horror show he’s left me with. Instead he wants to wait and see what he can get away with not paying to the school. They have already reduced the debt by €5k which is incredibly gracious of them.

There was zero financial transparency in marriage. He would scream abuse at me if I ever tried to find out where huge sums of money had gone and how he managed to accrue huge debts.

What do you think? Should I just let him take the money (circa €15k - the exact amount we owe in fees!) for his own debts?

A reasonable, sensible person would sell the car and put the money towards the outstanding school fees. But you are not dealing with a reasonable person - presumably that's why you are divorcing him? Someone who runs up debts all over the place is never going to worry about acting fairly or rationally. You essentially threw good money after bad here. Let the car go and try and be glad it's one less connection you have to him.

You’re right. It is one less tie. That is something to celebrate! Plus the massive insurance payments every month. Plus the hugely expensive tyre change every season. And the e service costs.

But to me it’s logical to pay off the school fees. They of course chase me and not him because he’s in a different country. He spent that money for school fees on something else. Don’t know what.

If you aren’t divorced yet, then any “leftover” money after the sale will form part of the marital assets to be consisted in the divorce settlement. It sounds as though there are going to be very significant marital assets being contested here, and I understand it’s difficult but you need to stop being so passive. File for divorce, forget about his preferences for his taxes. Find yourself a solicitor who will agree to take their payment upon conclusion from what you receive in your settlement; they’ll be able to advise you about forensic accountants who can investigate the money and assets you believe are being hidden.

There’s no point holding out for him to do the “right” thing, your marriage has broken down and you’ve been separated for years, he doesn’t feel any moral duty towards you and isn’t going to think about what’s best for you, but for him.

You explicitly said earlier that finances are sorted and binding?

Yep. We have signed a financial agreement. The technicality of actual divorce isn’t done yet.

That is irrelevant if the financial agreement is sorted though. So this isn’t your money.

No it isn’t. But that wasn’t what I was querying.

it’s interesting though that all debt he incurs also comes to be my liability. But anything that makes money isn’t mine.

Would you be happy for any extra debt he has racked up in the last 3 years to now also become partly yours?

Individual debts accrued post-separation aren’t usually considered joint liability, unless they’ve been accrued to the benefit of both partners or the family as a whole. Even debts incurred pre-separation during the marriage can be deemed individual liability, if it can be demonstrated they clearly benefitted only one partner e.g. gambling debt.

The issue here is that there’s been such an expanse of time between your financial agreement and legal divorce. You can apply to vary the agreement pre finalising the divorce if you believe that there’s been a significant change in financial circumstances which should be considered, which may include the proceeds of the car. Depending on what was in the agreement regarding school fees, that could also be included. Your solicitor can advise you of likelihood and challenges.

Why have you been paying it ? You should have left it with him. For that money surely you could have got a different car ?