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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to get the snip?

11 replies

PumpkinSZn · 13/10/2025 20:03

I’ve been with my partner 13 years and we have 2 children, one of each. I’m 37 soon and neither of us want any more children. If it happened I don’t know if we’d abort but if it wasn’t accidental we wouldn’t try if that makes any sense. He’s currently just pulling out.

we’re discussing him getting the snip, and he’s not against it but more just scared of the procedure more than anything I think and has been dragging his heels.

I’ve just been watching GP’s behind closed doors with my mum and a man went in to request one. The GP said they now no longer give them unless they can prove the woman has exhausted all other methods of contraception (which is strange I think, as what if the guy is single?) anyway I got into a debate with my mum, as she got with my stepfather when I was little and she’d always wanted another but he had been married, had 2 kids and had the snip.

mum says it’s selfish to ask the man to do it.

I don’t want to be on the pill again really due to my age and I have high platelets, they don’t seem keen to try the injection and while I had the coil last year I was quite literally sectioned due to my mental health - I would try it again but I’m so scared it’ll upset the apple cart in my physical and mental health when I’m now happy and on an even keel.

opinions?

OP posts:
JillyGiraffe · 13/10/2025 20:10

It’s not selfish to ask the man to do it… it’s such a small procedure! My husband walked in and was out again in less than an hour. He sat down more for the first day or 2 and that was it! Can’t even see where the mini holes were! Also, he didn’t need to mention anything to the doctors surgery about why he wanted it done other than he doesn’t want any more children and that I didn’t either…

Original poster
PumpkinSZn · 13/10/2025 20:14

@JillyGiraffe thank you! Her argument isn’t that it’s selfish as it’ll hurt them but her argument is it’s selfish to make a man have it done as it’s “too final” and “what if he gets with someone who doesn’t have kids”

OP posts:
ForgetTheTomatoes · 13/10/2025 20:14

His procedure would be a very quick operation unlike pregnancy and labour and all the risks associated with both for you. You can only ask.

Dh had a vasectomy and he did have a slight complication but it resolved quickly and he was fine. Was it pleasant? Absolutely not but he knew it would be over shortly and was nothing compared to what I had gone through to have our children.

SusanChurchouse · 13/10/2025 20:34

Quite normal in my social circle for men to get the snip when they feel their family is complete. They all seem quite sure they wouldn’t want to have more children with anyone, even if something should happen to their current spouse.

GiantTeddyIsTired · 13/10/2025 20:36

I'm actually laughing out loud at the idea that risking pregnancy/hormones when pushing 40 rather than having the snip is 'selfish'

Didimum · 13/10/2025 20:39

He’s currently just pulling out.

Well, that’s a bit stupid of both of you, isn’t it?

And what business is it of your mum’s?

outerspacepotato · 13/10/2025 20:43

Given your age and health issues, you're both being unreasonable risking an unwanted pregnancy using no contraception. Pullout isn't contraception. You're not being unreasonable wanting to ask him, and I wouldn't be having sex with him given the health issues you've had and potential issues with birth control. He can choose no, then you need to decide if you want to continue to risk an unwanted pregnancy or the serious health issues you've had. You were involuntarily hospitalized due to side effects! That's huge. And he won't take responsibility for contraception, he would rather risk your health than wear a condom or get a vasectomy. Selfish much?

toomuchfaff · 13/10/2025 20:46

PumpkinSZn · 13/10/2025 20:14

@JillyGiraffe thank you! Her argument isn’t that it’s selfish as it’ll hurt them but her argument is it’s selfish to make a man have it done as it’s “too final” and “what if he gets with someone who doesn’t have kids”

So why does you mum give a rats ass whether your would be "ex" (DP) may want more kids with his next woman? Shouldn't she be in your corner - as opposed to his? You're her daughter, what happens if you get pregnant and dont want to keep it, or suffer side effects from contraception? Its extra stress and worry that you dont need. Get him snipped.

The GP said they now no longer give them unless they can prove the woman has exhausted all other methods of contraception

This annoys me to hell - again its up to the woman to exhaust all methods before a man gets the snip; a 15 minute procedure with no side effects, that can be done under local anaesthetic with the man back at work before the days out. Instead its up to the woman to fill her body full of pills, or coils, or implants for years and years, with side effects to numerous to mention.

DashboardConfession · 13/10/2025 20:47

PumpkinSZn · 13/10/2025 20:14

@JillyGiraffe thank you! Her argument isn’t that it’s selfish as it’ll hurt them but her argument is it’s selfish to make a man have it done as it’s “too final” and “what if he gets with someone who doesn’t have kids”

So what? It's whether he wants any more and if it's a no, it's a no. I appreciate she is looking at this from her own experience but it was her choice to be with a man who only wanted the 2 he already had.

Mischance · 13/10/2025 20:47

"just pulling out" 😂😂

Seriously?

ShesTheAlbatross · 13/10/2025 20:49

YANBU.

But in our area the NHS no longer funds them at all. We could afford for DH to have it done privately but it was really annoying, and a lot of people don’t have £600 to spare when female contraception is free.

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