Why do I want to cry after being treated like this?

[summerviews]

On the but on my way home from work. There was one space in between two people. I took it. There was ample room. The man who was one on side had a face like chewing a wasp but didn't think anything of it at first. Immediately after sitting down I noticed that every time the bus jolted this way and that, it caused out legs to touch, he abruptly moved his leg away from mine. Then I noticed his huffing and puffing and it was steadily getting worse. I felt awkward. I felt sick and it made me very uncomfortable. I then felt sudd n undeniablly purposeful pressure from his elbow into my arm as he started pushing it into me. I saw him look at me briefly and I felt so upset as I say there immediately refusing to look at him. I felt upset, wanted to cry and then anger. I decided to call him out on his aggressive behaviour by saying "can you stop pushing your arm into me" which he immediately denied with an "I beg your pardon" that he shouted at me. The lady on my other side immediately jumped up and gestured me to sit in her seat. Which I did. He proceeded to call me a fat c#"t under his breath and kept looking at me.
Was I unreasonable to call him out?

I commute every day for 3hrs. There's a lot of commuter-twats like this – don't let them get to you. They are miserable people and likely not enjoying anything in life.

This is one category up from people who use seats for their bags, put feet on the seats (always men), and people who take the aisle seat on two-seater sections making it a bugger for anyone to take the window seat.

You were not in the wrong to call him out on it and you did it a hell of a lot nicer than I would. Wish I could say you'll probably never be in a similar situation but unfortunately there are always mysoginist twats like this about who get off on intimidating women 😠

Frankly OP, a more remarkable question would be "Why DIDN'T I want to cry after being treated like this?"

Yours is a perfectly normal human reaction and the other party is clearly a piece of shit.

I agree withn@ELO10538. Of course you are upset and it would be more unreasonable not to be.

In situations like this one, it helps me to think how happy I am that I don’t have a person like this in my actual life. Some poor woman is his mother or wife or sister in law.

So sorry you experienced this OP. I have had similar incidents over the years,when I was very overweight up until 4 years ago,and since then. Ironically, once when it happened to me after I'd lost weight,the bloke himself was very large! He sat down next to me nearly flattening me against the side of the bus,then after man spreading his legs,proceeded to mutter under his breath about me. I just ignored him as best I could. I knew he was only doing it because I was a woman and probably also because I have a disability. There's a hell of a lot of middle aged (usually very overweight) mysoginistic men around who are all to ready to try and intimidate a woman who they think looks vulnerable, because it makes them feel 'big'.

My heart sinks when someone sits so close to me that they end up touching me throughout the journey.

And I've had to keep my elbow/arm in a firm position to limit it happening, especially when going round corners.

But I would never be rude like he was.

That was out of order.

That’s assault to be fair so I’m not surprised you’re upset! Digging his elbow into you hard and then shouting at you.

I’m not saying you could prove it but it still is.

Good for you for calling him out, good on the lady for supporting you and for swapping seats. He’s just a vile, sexist, rude man - sadly plenty exist and he happened to be commuting on your bus today. Have a bit of a cry if you like, but don’t waste too much time or energy on this man, he’s an arsehole and he doesn’t deserve to take up too much of your brain space. Plus don’t worry, karma will take care of it, I bet he stepped in some dog muck when he got off the bus. And didn’t realise. Until he’d trampled into his carpet at home. Where he lives alone because he’s so unpleasant.

No, you're not unreasonable for being upset. I have sat with idiots like this before, but I have given up calling them out and just move for an easier life. It;s definitely a him problem.

@summerviews Sorry you had such a crappy journey and Urgh, well done you for calling this person out.

I suffer from a labral hip tear which tend to stiffen and get painful if I’m stood up stationery weight bearing on it for too long and as I embarked my tram, which always is extremely packed, so I’ve learnt to be a little ninja when I board it 😅. I noticed a spare seat and moved quickly to sit in it. I noticed another woman who was striding towards it but I beat her to it and she muttered “weird” under her breath whilst looking at me but I just ignored her childishness. However, I hadn’t banked on how weird these people can be and every single time for WEEKS after whilst waiting on the platform with others, she would stare at me wiling me to look at her so I imagine she could give me a dirty look. I just ignored her but it really amazed me how a teeny tiny minor thing like that makes you realise how unhinged and grudge carrying commuters can be! I should add she found a seat anyway behind me as it happened so I’m not sure why all the crazy 😐

I still remember sitting next to a lady on the way back from Waterloo once who had to move her bag from the seat. She huffed and puffed under her breath all the way home then when she got off the train at Winchester glared at me theough the window! Literally all I had done was sit next to her. It actually made me laugh tbh. What a saddo.

Your man just sounds like a complete dickhead. I remember one man calling me a slut under his breath once while walking past me on the street which I put down to him being a misogynistic twat. The amusing thing was that the reason I was (very slightly) dressed up was I was on my way back from a job interview at the council - hardly ‘slut’ territory.

You did exactly the right thing and the lady was nice to swap with you. Ignore his nasty mutterings. There are so many rude people about, but you can only be upset by it if you allow yourself to be. You sound lovely, so just keep being you and let the misery guts keep being him.

Being upset is completely justified. What an awful experience for you.

What a horrible, weak man. If they are not squashing you or manspreading, they are taking opportunities to serruptitiously touch you over bumps or on bends. I am a big supporter of public transport but it can be very unpleasant.

There really are just some unpleasant people out there...

Thanks everybody. I hadn't realised how upset it made me feel. When I got home, I launched into a rage clean and when I was doing some dishes at the sink I keptiterally jumping out of my skin every time something made a noise outside. I think that's PTSD from previous relationships and he's brought it all back.

And yes, that's the exact reason why I have chosen to stay single. I never want to have another man in my house. Ever!