Please help me stop cringing!

[Cringeyyyying]

I was out for lunch at a pub today with a friend and we bumped into another and she joined us for a bit. Friend asked me more about the other when the other had walked over to the bar and slightly out of earshot, and I told her the answer.

But I am pretty the other friend heard me and wasn’t actually out of earshot.

What I said wasn’t untrue, and not unkind, but definitely an over share that was possibly a bit gossipy. Think like “she’s super rich”. Not that, but similar. I cannot stop cringing about this. I say things without thinking sometimes.

Unless you were being mean or untruthful, I wouldn't worry.

It's difficult to say if you're not going to tell us what was actually said.

If it was like your example e.g. you were asked “how does Laura manage to travel so much?”, and you replied “she’s super rich, the lucky thing!” and there was no sneery tone in it, I wouldn’t worry. She’s unlikely to dwell on it. Or is it something she’s trusted you to keep quiet about and prefers others not to know? She may well be put out if so.

Tbh it was a bit like this.

I might as well say, because you’re right what’s the point in not!

My friend said “where does X live again?” And I said “she lives in a huge place in X area” (really fancy) “she has a massive job in the city”. I said it all under my breath because it wasn’t mean, but it was a bit gossipy. I could have just said “she lives in X area” and that’s it.

I hate the thought of the other friend thinking that i’d overshare that. And also that I am clearly impressed / intimidated by that?!

I think you should have just said ‘She lives in X’ - anything else sounds bitchy/gossipy and if she wanted any more details then the other friend was literally there to ask. If you wouldn’t say it to your friends face don’t say it behind her back. And you wouldn’t say to her: “Ooh Laura you have a huge place and a massive job” would you?

I know - that’s why I’m cringing. I said it in an impressed way rather than a “can you believe she has all this” way.

But I know I shouldn’t have and actually don’t know why I’d did. Sometimes I say too much.

We all have those moments where we think ‘Why did I say that?!’ I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If you weren’t doing it to be unkind then it’s just one to leave behind in the past.

I think you’re right to cringe. Out of context, and half hearing that across the bar presents you as a little catty & perhaps jealous. Which you’ve clarified wasn’t your intention. It was just quite unnecessary but you recognise that. So yes, it’s all a bit cringey really.

Reframe it in your head - she’s your friend, and you’re proud of her accomplishments.

Gossip is not very nice any time, but when you are actually on a night out with the person in question it's really horrible. Cringing is your conscience's way of letting you know you made a mistake. The feeling is very aversive so it may help you not do it next time. Apart from that don't worry about it too much, she probably didn't hear you.