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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel completely overlooked and demoralised

61 replies

Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 09:01

Without being too outing my manager is leaving, I've done an unofficial senior role for 4 years to do all the things my manager does when she is on annual leave or sick leave as well as supporting the team with training and development above and beyond my job description. I've received nothing but positive feedback from clients and colleagues during this time and been recognised for my contributions up until now.

My managers line manager has decided while considering the next steps to request another manager take over the management in the interim despite zero experience in our department. I have been asked to take on a proportion of the this role as the new interim manager is missing a qualification to do part of the role which I do have.

I can't decide if I'm being unreasonable to feel completely overlooked to manage the team in the interim and feel like I'm being used to fill a knowledge/ qualification gap only. The reasoning given is 'resourcing' and I expect to eventually be restructured under the interim manager in the long term. It's made me feel utterly miserable.

Any thoughts welcome as I have no-one to talk this through in real life.

OP posts:
Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 21:41

ForTaupeJoker · 12/10/2025 20:52

Transport and general workers, there's a union for every mode of work. Constructive dismissal is very unpleasant but quite prevalent, financially driven mostly. It is basically when a boss creates exactly the reaction you've got, then acts all surprised when you quit your job. They've constructed a situation in which you leave them, so they've dismissed you without dismissing you (where dismissed equals fired). I expect you've googled it by now. It's very easy to pursue, or for your union representative to pursue on your behalf I should say. Just join a union and speak to a representative, it's very psychologically supportive and you don't have to do what they advise (I didn't. To my regret!).

I will look at joining a union. I don't feel I can continue as I am whether that's constructive or not, It's hugely demoralising.

OP posts:
Shotokan101 · 12/10/2025 22:12

Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 21:36

They have. Her line manager has made the decision to appoint an interim from an entirety different department as that manager has the resource but not the qualification to do part of the role so they want me to on an interim basis.

So, sorry if I've misunderstood your reply, but are you saying that your current manager doesn't think that you are a suitable candidate as her replacement ?

Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 22:20

Shotokan101 · 12/10/2025 22:12

So, sorry if I've misunderstood your reply, but are you saying that your current manager doesn't think that you are a suitable candidate as her replacement ?

Sorry I wasn't clear, my current manager has recommended mento replace them however their line manager has made the decision to appoint another manager on an interim basis while they review. No guarantee there will even be a role to apply for my thoughts is it will become a permanent change and my current managers role will be redundant.

OP posts:
Shotokan101 · 12/10/2025 23:07

Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 22:20

Sorry I wasn't clear, my current manager has recommended mento replace them however their line manager has made the decision to appoint another manager on an interim basis while they review. No guarantee there will even be a role to apply for my thoughts is it will become a permanent change and my current managers role will be redundant.

Ah, okay, I get it.

Then in that case you need to highlight to your manager that, starting immediately, you will be no longer taking on any activities or tasks which are identifiable not part of your current role/job description.

I would also be raising a dispute with HR.

Whyherewego · 13/10/2025 06:38

I am not sure it is constructive dismissal. They are saying it's temporary, they haven't got a policy that says they have to advertise roles (I think you said this OP) and they have offered (again I think you said OP) to pay a bit more for the additional work which requires qualification which OP has.
It really depends on whether you want to stay or not OP. You can go in and say that you want that extra title and a shot at the eventual job. You can just look for another job. But resigning without a job and going to a ET for constructive dismissal is going to take up a lot of time and effort and an uncertain outcome

Hopingtobeaparent · 13/10/2025 13:57

Cherrysoup · 12/10/2025 09:08

I think you should approach management with what you’ve said here ie you’ve basically done the job for 4 years and you are disappointed that you haven’t been considered for the job, given you have the experience and qualifications. No harm in making the approach. Tbh, if they still look to appoint someone else, I think you should be looking elsewhere unless they give you a bloody good reason to stay (asking you to do part of the role is very cf behaviour) ie a large raise. I’d be asking for this too.

This. First post nails it again!

PullTheBricksDown · 13/10/2025 15:11

Yes, email the senior manager as above saying you're interested, experienced and qualified. Make it so they have to turn you down, rather than being able to say they just weren't aware of you as an option - whether or not that's actually true.

SimplyAFolly · 13/10/2025 15:29

Iseverythingrosie · 12/10/2025 09:01

Without being too outing my manager is leaving, I've done an unofficial senior role for 4 years to do all the things my manager does when she is on annual leave or sick leave as well as supporting the team with training and development above and beyond my job description. I've received nothing but positive feedback from clients and colleagues during this time and been recognised for my contributions up until now.

My managers line manager has decided while considering the next steps to request another manager take over the management in the interim despite zero experience in our department. I have been asked to take on a proportion of the this role as the new interim manager is missing a qualification to do part of the role which I do have.

I can't decide if I'm being unreasonable to feel completely overlooked to manage the team in the interim and feel like I'm being used to fill a knowledge/ qualification gap only. The reasoning given is 'resourcing' and I expect to eventually be restructured under the interim manager in the long term. It's made me feel utterly miserable.

Any thoughts welcome as I have no-one to talk this through in real life.

Look for another job, obviously do not respect you and your knowledge.

Katherine9 · 13/10/2025 16:23

SimplyAFolly · 13/10/2025 15:29

Look for another job, obviously do not respect you and your knowledge.

But then everyone loses out.

starafuzina · 14/10/2025 16:00

I think another reason they may not want you to move up is because the ‘back-filling’ of your role if you did would probably be a huge headache for them. It’s annoying to be hardworking and a good employee and come up against these situations. All too often it’s women who find this happens to them as they’re more likely to find it harder to move roles and keep flexible working etc.

Firefly100 · 14/10/2025 16:34

I think in your position I would:

  • Make it very clear you would like the interim position and you are willing to train up the replacement to backfill you (do NOT do both jobs - it will become permanent because you can ‘cope’ - or worse you will fail to cope.
  • If they insist on going for the interim manager they have chosen, decline to do that extra bit the manager is not qualified for. They chose him/her, so their problem to sort out. Don’t make it easy for them to do what you don’t want. Find a good excuse - no capacity, can’t do it and assist new manager at the same time. Whatever sounds reasonable.
  • I’d make it as difficult as possible to make me train the new person up. Again whatever works. Would they believe you don’t have time over your current job to do it? Could you claim to interim person that aspects of the job you don’t know what your predecessor did and you can’t help them they will have to figure it out as you would have to in their shoes? Why should you go out of your way to help them put in place someone else for the job you wanted and make that person look good?
  • When the new manager comes I’d be sticking strictly to my job description and leaving on time. No putting the extra effort in.
  • Get the reference from the previous manager and start looking for another job. They almost certainly have you pigeonholed into too useful in current job to promote. Or they don’t value you. Either one is no good long term.
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