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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like there should be more to life?

10 replies

RetailBeans · 12/10/2025 05:45

Sorry that this is probably a very common theme but.....

Perimenopause

Working full time in a job I'm very bored in

Teen that only wants to be on a screen despite umpteen efforts to engage her in other things

Husband prioritising DIY over any of the other chores that then all fall to me

Feel I spend the majority of time doing things for other people

Very unfulfilled but have bills to pay. Surely this can't be it for the rest of life?

Is this how we all feel at times? Anyone ever been able to break out of this cycle?

OP posts:
Randomeemoh · 12/10/2025 06:33

i can’t tell you how much this resonates OP. - I feel your pain.
We spend our younger years looking forward to so many things - leaving home, starting work, getting married, having kids…..I think this life stage is where it all feels like it has ground to a halt. Personally I regret investing so much in family and home life, and not finding a more fulfilling career, at least I would have that now.
Plus, hormonal changes leave us feeling flatter,
i think the answer is

  • ring the changes: can you move job for example? Or find a new challenge within your existing role?
  • find new interests, and be a bit selfish, maybe go back to things we once enjoyed but let go when family life took over.
  • Spend time with others: my teens also just want to look at screens. I’m starting to think, sod you then - they’ve made their choice, I will make mine
  • speak to your DH: if you need help, ask for it. If he won’t help, only do what you want to (seeing as that’s what he does)
  • be thankful: I may feel grumpy and flat about my life. But if it was taken away from me, I would wish for everything to be as it is now.

sorry not sure if this is very helpful!! But please know you’re not the only one.

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 06:37

How long have you felt like this?

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 06:40

I am 44 and feel pretty happy! I think a huge part of that is that I work part time in a job I enjoy. So it allows for a really good work life balance in that I have 3 days of something something I enjoy and then 2 days to catch up on housework, potter and catch up with friends for coffee and dog walk.

my teens are all very screen focussed but I’m a horrible mum and limit time over the weekend so they have to join me for dog walks, lunch out etc

Do you do any exercise op?

zipadeedodah · 12/10/2025 06:43

Can you remember what you used to enjoy doing? It's easy to forgot yourself and forget the things we used to enjoy.

Can you try a few new things - maybe join U3A or Meet Up. They have loads of separate groups from book clubs to millitary history so something for everyone. Another thing I'd recommend is joining a gym, even if it's just the local municipal one and you go to 2 classes a week - exercise is good for mood regulation as well as a good hobby to have.

As for your teenager, I had to smile when the PP said ~"sod them, they've made their choice" but that is so true. If they want to spend their time glued to a screen thats on them. Stop trying to change them and you wont feel despondant about it.

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 12/10/2025 06:44

I feel the same way.

But…

I'm job hunting
I have dived into my own house projects
I have bought tickets to a couple of nights out for DH and I to look forward to.
I have spoken to DH. He sees it. We’re just in the middle of a tricky bit.

try talk to him. If you’re in it together it won’t feel so bad.

Original poster
RetailBeans · 12/10/2025 08:35

Thanks all, @Randomeemoh that is all helpful. I would love another job that is more aligned with the life that I'd like and my values, but I fear it would mean a large pay cut initially which isn't really feasible right now. I probably do just need to focus on myself a bit more but I always have the nagging feeling of letting my daughter down. Silly really.
@Simplyrewarding @zipadeedodah yes I do exercise and it helps, but sometimes finding the time and energy for that is tricky. I guess that goes back to putting myself first though.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 12/10/2025 08:52

I've been a single parent since my youngest was 6. She's 19 now.

I obviously prioritised her and her brother but I also made sure I didn't get lost in being a parent and working and have always had hobbies outside of the home.

Are there any changes you could make that would make a payout more feasible?

Your daughter is obviously important but you matter too and its fine to have things and do things for yourself.

What would you like to do that you're not currently doing? What would the changes be?

Rosie454 · 12/10/2025 09:05

It’s difficult to know your exact situation but I see a lot of people tied up in a certain standard of living and belief they have to earn enough to pay for many unnecessary things.e.g It can make a huge difference if you drop a day at work but some people don’t even run the numbers after tax, commuting costs etc or aren’t willing to ditch the annual all inclusive

Rosie454 · 12/10/2025 09:13

Simplyrewarding · 12/10/2025 06:40

I am 44 and feel pretty happy! I think a huge part of that is that I work part time in a job I enjoy. So it allows for a really good work life balance in that I have 3 days of something something I enjoy and then 2 days to catch up on housework, potter and catch up with friends for coffee and dog walk.

my teens are all very screen focussed but I’m a horrible mum and limit time over the weekend so they have to join me for dog walks, lunch out etc

Do you do any exercise op?

Similar here, we are in a very tight budget and could desperately do with replacing old furniture, a holiday would be nice etc but work part time as found just burnt out working more hours and wasn’t able to give the focus to the children in the areas that most important to them. E.g a snappy mum or one that’s forgets its dress up as a pet day can be more significant to children than one what can’t afford a holiday or driving lessons. We still have days out but not with meals out etc, the kids that have these things end up taking them for granted anyway. The quality of life is much better for us all having the extra time

ViciousCurrentBun · 12/10/2025 09:24

One of the best friends I ever had was a psychologist, we had known each other since 19 but she sadly died 5 years ago. She said it’s unrealistic to get everything in life from one other human. I have a DH and DS who are great but it’s brilliant seeing others as well.

You need a future long term plan. Mine was always work for a charity, retire early and have money, I grew up in poverty so was a real driver. What was your dream as a very young person?

The U3a is for semi retired or retired people, I joined for a year and did quite enjoy it but at 57 was way younger than anyone else.

There must be something you loved doing, you may be in a hormonal fug now but it will pass. I have had a life long love of hiking, video gaming and dancing. I have done all 3 all my life.

Have also tried more hobbies than most. Have been in row boats loads but tried kayaking for the first time just over a week ago at 59.

Sign up for something very different, I appreciate you need the time plus there is your financial position but find something.

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