For background, my daughter turns two at the end of this month. Me and her father had been together around 9 years at the time that I fell pregnant, with some ups and downs but generally a happy relationship, he had two daughters from a previous relationship that he was a good and involved dad to and whom I had (still have) a great bond with.
Around the time I fell pregnant he began an affair. I was suspicious but had no proof until my daughter was three months old - at which point I left him. He was distant and absent through out the pregnancy, left the hospital early when I was induced to watch football and didn’t come back for hours. I had an emergency c section and lost a lot of blood, he was awarded an extra week of paternity leave to help me and our baby. He spent it with his affair partner instead. He volunteered for two deployments in the first year of her life, spending 8 months away and missing her birthday and Xmas with her. When he was in the country, living 5 minutes away from me and our daughter he didn’t visit or ask for her for months at a time. He is occasionally involved but inconsistently, he never has her overnight or takes her on days out, will only see her if he can do so at my house. He pays £150 a month in maintenance but refuses to help in any other way and never buys her anything.
I had been debating what to do for her birthday and settled on a table at my local sports and social club. It’s two minutes from my house and so if she’s overwhelmed or had enough I can take her home. Majority of the attendees are adults, god parents, close friends and family. We have recently moved so she doesn’t have many local toddler friends. I felt it was a good option to allow people to mingle and that she would be happy just to have her people around her, cake and balloons.
I let her dad know of the plan and that he was welcome to attend. He has kicked off massively - he feels I should have discussed the plan first with him, that I am shutting him out and that it is an awful idea. He has said that I am selfish and should have arranged a fancy meal out for her instead - this was something I considered but cannot afford. He is now not speaking to me and has made me feel truly awful. AIBU and is this an awful plan, as he says?