Ex DH moved to Essex from Kent in the summer. He picks up the kids on a Friday, drops them back on a Sunday, EOW.
It involves a trip over the Dartford crossing, and it takes a good 50 mins one way, sometimes more.
To be nice, and because he's fucked up arrangements for this weekend (too complicated to explain, but he announced he was having them when he'd originally said he wasn't and didn't bother to tell me he was until after the youngest was at school Fri, too late to sort out the stuff they needed etc) I said ok just have them Saturday, I'll bring them over the crossing as I could use the opportunity go to IKEA and I'd made plans to be near there this afternoon anyway, it felt like it wouldn't put me out massively to do that (did cost me the crossing, about £5, but no big deal) it meant they weren't coming home, then waiting to or him, not getting to his till early evening. DS is autistic and doesn't cope well with going home, then having to go out again.
DH and his partner meet us at IKEA. They barely acknowledge me, no hello, I'm usually fairly cheery even if I can't stand either of them, but no thank you, no acknowledgement that I've made their day easier and saved them over an hour in travel and crossing fees.
This happened a couple of weeks ago, I happened to be near the crossing, at my partner's, so said I'd meet him the Kent side, to save him time.
No thank you again. It saves him over an hour.
I'm a people pleaser, I want an easy, amicable relationship with him, I want the kids to see we are happy to do each other favours if it benefits them. I've offered to drive them to his on Christmas day, if we can alternate each year, as it makes no sense for us both to drive halfway and interrupt our Christmas day and not be able to have a drink . I'm not going home to anyone that day apart from a cheeseboard and TV, so it's no bother for me.
But...now I feel like telling him no, until he can be polite at least and say thanks for doing it, I'm not driving them. He moved, not me. He didn't have to, he moved in with his girlfriend into a house that is too small for her kids and ours to stay in comfortably, after only a year of being together, because it suited him. He dropped midweek contact with them, and now only sees them twice a month, before it was twice a week.
We've been separated 5 years and he's only just learnt to drive, I took them to and from his place in the same town before that (he did get taxis midweek in the last couple of years, which he moaned about constantly as they were expensive, but never offered me petrol for the 5mile weekly round trip). I have driven everywhere for our 20 year plus relationship, because he refused to learn to o drive until it benefits him.
Would I be unreasonable to say no sorry, I'm not making life easier for you anymore? How do I do that? I am rubbish at standing up for myself!
Or should I just do it occasionally, and at Christmas, to keep the peace? It's most important to me that there's no bad feeling outwardly at least for the kids.