To get this irritated with DH for not contacting me?

[moodymum25]

I’m not a needy woman. I lived alone for nearly twenty odd years before meeting DH and having two children. But I really get fed up with DH not telling me anything about his movements.

So today is an example. Both our children have swimming lessons; one child in one place and one in another. So we divide and conquer. I have the toddler and DH has our older child. I get home with the toddler and DH isn’t there. The minutes then hours tick by and it’s nearly toddlers nap time. I decide to make her lunch and of course the second I do DH pulls onto the drive with DS. DS comes running in very pleased with some toy he has which the toddler starts wanting to; she refuses lunch, I try to get her to nap but no chance now.

It’s just … if he’d let me know what was going on I could at least have said to leave the toy in the car or have made lunch when they both came in. But he never ever does. I’m partly just venting as now I’m stuck with a hungry and grumpy toddler all day. But … why can’t he tell me stuff?

Either a) discuss putting a tracker on his phone so you know where he is / when he'll be back or b) do what you want in the time you want to do it and stick a large sign on the front door telling them both to be quiet when they come in.

This is why we have location sharing on our phones - but if you wanted to know his plans why didn’t you ring and ask?

Life360 or find my iPhone. Will change the game.

Hm I think this is pretty high expectations. I thought the post was going to be about him out drinking no contact.
He was busy with dc?
Toddler could have been distracted anyway really....

Why… has he now gone out and left you?

Life360

How late was he? Does he normally come straight home after swimming? If timings were so important, why didn't you call him? From the sound of it there was no need for him to rush home, it's hard to see that he's actually done anything wrong.

Why couldn't you text him?

Are you messaging and he’s ignoring?

or are you also not messaging him?

I get the frustrations that it can be hard to plan certain things but it would irritate me if I have to send updates about what I'm doing regularly. I think in this case you need to be the one to contact him, "just doing lunch, do you know when you're due back?"
I might want to pop to the shops afterwards for example and wouldn't think it would be necessary to say, so I think you need to be more direct with him.

Didn't know people actually track each other's phones we just use the gold old text to communicate when separate

Life360. Saves aggro.

You could try talking to him about the suggestions above. Or failing that the nuclear option, as soon as he gets back say you’re ‘popping out’ and leave him with the kids for several hours, see how he likes his own medicine.

Message him and ask? Discuss and agree beforehand?

I know! Tbh, I don’t know a single person in real life that does the phone tracking thing. It seems to be an MN specific phenomenon.

What are you on about? He had one child, the OP had the other. They are both home now. Nobody left anyone to deal with two kids on their own. There's no 'own medicine' here

YABU. This is such a non-issue, so the toddler naps later, or you got your lunch later. Ask him to text you if he thinks he's going to be later or text him asking him when he's coming in if it bothers you.

If I'm wondering where my partner is especially around meal times I call or message him.
He usually phones as he leaves work or somewhere along the journey it means I know roughly when he will be back. He also drives past a supermarket so if we need anything I can direct him to get it in his way back.
Yesterday he called and had an estimated ETA just before 6. Dinner was planned for just after 6. He still hadn't arrived so I called him, found he'd come across some slow moving traffic he was about 5 minutes away so I dished up and dinner was on the table.
Two quick phone calls and we both knew what was going on and what to expect.

I don't think it's a big deal. In fact I really like that he's in the moment with his child rather than using his phone. Surely toddler can just have the nap a little later?

Why didn't you contact him if you wanted to know his plans?

To anyone not in the trenches of toddler-hood this may seem like a non-issue.

But I well remember how catastrophic it seemed when the routine was thrown out of whack. A missed nap, or a missed lunch would be the difference between a pleasant day and easy bedtime, or a day spent dealing with a whinging, hungry toddler who won't nap and is so overtired by bedtime that it's a nightmare.

Your DH seems completely oblivious to the finely tuned nuances of this (as was my DH - to my eternal rage). Because presumably now the kids are all nicely wound up, hungry and tired, he will leave it to you to sort out while he 'helpfully' mows the lawn for three hours or something.

What's the problem with him turning up with a massive distraction right in the middle of lunch and just before nap time? The problem is likely that it now means you having no peace until tonight once the toddler is finally settled in bed.

In a few years time this will all be a distant memory. But right now, I'm sorry your Saturday is harder than it needed to be.

This all sounds so rigid and not at all a fun way to spend a weekend.
Switch the swimming lessons to mid week and spend the weekend as a family.
And unclench a bit with the routine. What if your DH fancied taking your child to a cafe to celebrate doing well at swimming? Oh no I can't cos we have to get home? Weekends are meant to be fun!

Agree, or you could just be an actual adult and call him to see what’s he up to and then get on with your day.
I mean you sat wondering for hours instead of using your phone ?

I did call!

Thanks for answers and especially for @OhNineFiftyFour for ‘getting it!’ 😂 So silly I know but it is a mess if you miss a nap. She did miss it and weirdly I know the night will be awful now as for some reason if she sleeps in the day for an hour or so she sleeps through or wakes once; if she doesn’t then she keeps waking up 😩

Still it is not a massive big deal really.