To ask for your hen do advice?

[Arduenna]

I am MOH for the first time ever for my lovely, lovely friend. She's one of the first people in my social circle to get married so I don't have many comparisons for hen dos. About 20 people are invited (although don't expect all 20 will be able to make it), ages range from the bride's 18 year old sister to her 50-something future MIL. I am falling upon Mumsnet asking for your party planning wisdom. What makes a good hen do and what makes a bad hen do?

Good hen do to me is a night out locally, a beautiful meal and drinks for the night. People can afford this. Its still a great night and you are more likely to have a lot more attending.

A bad hen do is expecting people to pay £££££ out for a foreign break away with a load of activities that also cost ££££ and then food and drinks on top. All the while paying more as you are also paying for the bride.

Keep the costs under control.

If it is an overnight do then get an Airbnb or hotel that works out a reasonable price for everyone. Try to find something which means everyone gets a similar level of accommodation. Don't have some people in a super king size bed and other people on a blow up mattress in the living room and expect them all to pay the same.

If it's two nights then better to get somewhere with cooking facilities and eat in for one night.

If eating out, find somewhere with a set menu to make splitting the bill easier.

Plan at least one fun activity that everyone can do.

Don't go abroad.

Bad
abroad and/or expensive weekends
strippers or anything tacky
large rental houses where people have to share rooms (don’t even think about sharing beds)
loud club nights that no one wants to go to
matching PJs/shirts etc

Good
activities that everyone will enjoy (know your audience, this will vary)
One night or afternoon events that don’t force people to go away with strangers
set menus (pay for drinks as you go) so not arguing over sharing bill at the end

Recently attended a afternoon tea hen do as it was for very mixed age groups - Prosecco and cocktails for those who wanted them
Played a few games eg guess the dress, quiz mr and Mrs style - anonymous attributes etc
Seemed to go down really well
There was also a music themed weekend away for the younger age group but it was UK and very economic

I asked everyone to message privately with their views on budget, so we could align it with what everyone could afford.

Then I put the budget towards a spa day, with two treatments for everyone included, and dinner / drinks out. Budget was £250pp plus train travel. Hen was outside London, and no overnight accommodation. This was back in 2020 though, so inflation might make this trickier.

Ask your bride what she wants to get out of it. Does she want a wild night out? Time to chat and catch up with friends? Memories of doing all the hen-specific games etc?

Is she more interested in doing exactly what she wants or does she want everyone to be able to attend? These can be incompatible.

Is the bride expecting to pay her way or will the hens chip in for all/ some?

What budget, time and money wise, have all the hens got? Remember to include travel, any costumes/ decoration/tshirts, drinks, food, accommodation etc.

Basically, really think ur through. And if you can, especially with such a large group, make sure there is at least one activity that people can come to as a standalone thing if they can't make the full event.

Sensible to ask them, and that actually sounds lovely.

Organising a hen do atm. The tricky bit with saying “just do a night out” is that if people are coming from other parts of the country it makes it quite inaccessible for them.

I also don’t think full weekends and trips abroad are reasonable.

We have done what a lot of people seem to do atm and booked a large house for one night (19 people). The house has come to £175pp and we have asked them to allow up to £300 for the whole hen so that will cover some activities and food etc.

Having been to a few the most important thing is to be upfront with people about your intended budget and stick to it. Don't ask people for random more extra bits of cash and give them a payment schedule.

I have made the booking on an interest free credit card so people have got time to pay me back.

Don’t book accommodation and send a link asking for payment before you’ve even canvassed people’s needs 😄 no I’m not spending £250 to share a double bed with a stranger! Yes that happened recently (obviously I said that didn’t work for me but what a weird way to go about planning!)

Op i think you need to check in with your bride to see what her expectations are. She will know more about her ppl too and what is affordable and so on but I agree with the other posters about a local meal that everyone can get to, and to factor in cost and so on. Even if the bride wants a surprise find out what shes expecting and set realistic expectations as well, don't be afraid to ask about setting budgets and so on! Good luck and im sure it will be lovely. You can also try asking chatgpt for advice on on hen planning too... lol

Im in Surrey so easily accessible as most of my friends are also in Surrey and Hampshire.

rented out a cottage for 2 nights. First night we had a lovely charcuterie board night and did a 'bring a board' night - so everyone brought a board. Some were sweets, fruits, cocktails, crisps, fondue etc. there was 15 of us and 15 boards of awesome food. Followed by games and cocktails.
2nd night was a night in a bar, nothing extravagant or overly expensive.
my lovely grandmother shouted the cost of the cottage, so all in all I think everyone was down less than £200 each. I also paid for my own food and some of my drinks because I didn't think others should pay for me when they're already out of pocket, because of me.
was a lovely weekend, I didn't want abroad or anything silly. The company is the most inportsnt thing and activities, followed by location.

The cottage was (I think from memory) £280 to hire too, so if it was split between 15 it wouldn't have stung too much. They had 6 months notice too. Make sure you give everyone notice. Prices will be higher now as this was in 2019 but it was utterly fabulous. The ones who wanted a quieter night stayed behind on night do and ate the rest of the food left over and played games.

it was one of the best weekends of my life.

(also note, night 1 we did PJs night, we all wore our favourite jarmas, did hair masks and blobbed about with no expectations)

Ask the bride! Find out what she’s hoping for - a day event, night event, weekend etc.

Also, see if she has any hard no’s. My bride really did not want strippers.

Personally, I hate the events where a lot is expected of you - a full day plus night or a whole weekend.

What does the bride like to do? Is she into drinking / partying, or would she enjoy a high tea more?

Best one I went to was an afternoon tea with cocktails, followed by a small gathering at home with karaoke for those that wanted to join in.

Local and drop in or outable.
High and low energy.

Sensible plans e.g. noone wants to get wet before going out or needing to pack loads of clothes.

9-1 Activity 1 [Spa morning], Brunch
2-6 Activity 2 [Theatre/posh cocktail
6-8 Home/Hotel
8- late Pub/club

Good mix for the older and younger ones. Some will do the whole day, some will do morning, afternoon or evening only. As cheap or pricey as anyone likes