WIBU to insist on sleeping in when we night train DS?

[Rainallnight]

DS is 7 and not dry at night. He’s in pull ups as a result but we now have to make a serious effort to train him, with bed wetting alarm etc.

DP is 50% deaf and never hears DC at night. As a result, I’ve done all night wakings for 9 years (eldest is 9 and both are poor sleepers) and I feel like I’m running on a constant sleep deficit.

So it will be me who does all the waking up and helping DS to get changed etc while he’s training.

I’m worried it’ll completely tip me over the edge in tiredness.

I’d like to ask DP to arrange work for that week or two so that she can do all school drop offs and I can have a bit of a chance to catch up on sleep each day (I work but usually WFH so if I get up at 8.30 I can still be at my desk at 9).

I think she’ll protest so wanted to test it first.

Totally reasonable imo

I think you sound exhausted and so it’s totally valid to want support.

However, limiting it to those weeks seems like it might add more pressure, what makes you think that it will solve the wet nights?

Sending support and solidarity anyway, sounds like you need to tackle as a couple and not limited to a week or so

She needs to do something, it can't be all on you. So that's doing more in the day so that you can catch up on sleep. Otherwise couldn't she sleep in the same room as your son? Or you poke her awake and go back to sleep while she wakes up? What does she do if she is looking after them on her own when you're not there? Aren't there baby monitors that vibrate that she could use under a pillow or something?

@Pomped You’re right, of course, it might take more time. Sigh.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick Those are all valid points. She can’t sleep in his room cos there’s no room. If I’m not there (rarely) they’re now big enough to go into her if there was a problem, but if I am, I just wake up first anyway. It takes her a long time to register any sound and to wake up. So I could poke her but I’d be properly awake by that time. (And it doesn’t help that I’m a light sleeper and take ages to go back to sleep again). And she did get one of those vibrating things but found it didn’t work very well, which is…convenient.

If it’s any consolation OP, my experience of bed wetting alarms is that they either work pretty quickly or they just don’t work. My DS wasn’t dry until he was 6.5, we tried a bed wetting alarm and we saw a big improvement within a few days, he was dry within about a week. So not a long period to go without good sleep, though YANBU to expect a lie in.

100%, it shouldn't be all on you

I would take annual leave for this

I'd be poking her and making her do her share anyway

This was our experience with DD around the same age as your son OP, the bed wetting alarm was cheap and easy to use and it worked in days. It’s very much worth a try!

When DS has woken down the years why didn’t you nudge DP to get up so you could go back to sleep?

I’d go to the doctor about DS being wet at night- it’s hormonal. Still within normal range to be wet at 7. Don’t try and condense it in to 2 weeks.

Can DS come and sleep in with DP some nights, and you go and sleep in DS's room, so you don't get woken. And put in some ears plugs so DP has to deal with it.

I’d go away for the second week to catch up on sleep and make it DPs problem. And only go back when it’s been sorted.

Yanbu but also
Op my partner was like yours. I brought foam earplugs and a sleep masked that played white noise.
Dc were then instructed to wake other parent if they needed something during the night. So then we did week about.

I'm not quite sure why you have to night train. It's hormonal. Either you want to treat it with hormones or use pull ups. I'm not quite sure why you think it will magically stop. Of course I get why you want it to stop but pull ups are fine age 7. There is no need for you to do this you just want to. I'd personally go for the pull ups and not making a big deal of it option. They do grow out of it. Maybe reconsider if he is still in pull ups at 9/10 years

I just wouldn’t do this.

He’ll be dry at night in his own time.

It’s all to do with a certain hormone kicking in. I don’t think it’s really possible to force this.

If you are worried, I’d go to your GP and they can refer him to have blood tests and then potentially have this hormone given artificially until it kicks in.

With my two, DD naturally got this hormone and was dry at night at 2.5 - she was just having dry nappies every night so it became pointless putting them on her. DS didn’t get it til almost 7 - we were actually on the path to getting this hormone treatment and then it just kicked in and that was that.

But generally speaking your DP should be sharing any sleep related inconveniences- whether that’s doing her share of wake ups, or making sure you can catch up on some sleep.

As 2 pp have mentioned, night bed wetting is hormonal--related to levels of vasopressin/aka anti-diuretic hormone (ADH). You can google, "vasopressin, antiduretic hormone, bedwetting" for more info. Talk to your child's doctor, they can potentially test for it to rule out this cause of bed wetting.

Separately, you two should definitely be sharing night waking responsibilities, it shouldn't all be on you.