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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ADHD and ASD young adult child ? Help!

8 replies

FD50 · 10/10/2025 14:48

Looking for some advice please or if any one else is in a similar position.
My young adult child has attended schools above attendance.
Got diagnosed officially and v late after years of trying with NHS ASD ADHD.
Struggling in all aspects of life emotionally socially academically.
Struggling in non academic stuff not particularly sporty or Arty. I hope I am not sounding too negative.
Ended up long story short after less than positive experience and further education College setting Rushmoor Hampshire area naming no names !!
Has ended up at home for the last three years .
Doesn't sit any exams in person due to covid school closures this has been another difficulty for our child.
Tried online learning at home it is just too difficult it doesn't work because my young person sees home as home and school as school and college.
We have just enrolled our child into the NHS Hants and Surrey recovery college.
Which is a positive.
Our adult child just cannot concentrate at home due to their needs and we are going to round and around in circles!!!
Getting know where fast next year of this worrying about future employment paid or voluntary.
They don't have friends due to their social needs and there's obviously isolated at home and I really worry about this.
Thinking I should just leave their exams as they were from school and college
It's not that I expect my child to be a high flyer or go university but I was just hoping that it won't be quite being this situation that we have found ourselves in.
I am thinking that I should just drop all formal learning which is really only national numeracy challenge free online learning courses from open learn university.
Thinking I should look scrapping it all taking their GCSE and B -tec level ones they are for the last five years as we were unable to continue and level two at college or to even do functional math skills.
An absolute disaster and we lost our ehcp plan as a result of this 😔
I'm thinking I should scrap it all forget it all because it's not good for her mental health or even ours as parents.
Thinking that it's been an absolute disaster the last 10 years before covid during covid and after covid plus family bereavement and sickness.
I think somehow I've linked the functional my skills with the family bereavement and sickness so it's all been very upsetting and negative. Shall I just look for our child to do voluntary work so that they can build confidence self-esteem and meet people which is probably far more important than functional my skills and also through voluntary work they will be practicing real life numeracy skills.
Sorry this is such a long email just any advice would be so much appreciated but sometimes you feel as if you're the only one and I know that's not the case . We are so upset at how life turned for our young adult child it seems unfair to have to struggle so much as I really feel like putting a formal complaint in to the county council about the lack of Support support and provision in losing her EHCP plan.
Times I feel that's it so unfair and so upsetting that I feel guilty for having children because this was not how I expected their life's to turn out.
I should look towards voluntary work continue with the recovery College.
Sorry for such a long post

OP posts:
FD50 · 10/10/2025 14:52

Think I have made a few spellings mistakes.
Basically our young adults sen child has got themselves in a rut at home due to their needs not be met through further education College and past schools despite the fact they went to CAMHS and had an EHCP plan.
All basically just gone wrong that the world is against them and against us.
Advice on how to get out of this situation
Once another year of trying to do learning at home for future employments think we should do voluntary work instead Ellie advice would be most appreciated.
Feel as if being bash in our heads against Colleges support staff and at times our young adult child this I think enabled the college not to really put anything into place because my child was so reluctant and anti the college I think it allowed them to not give us the right courses
Apologies for the rambling on

OP posts:
flawlessflipper · 10/10/2025 14:54

When you say you lost the EHCP, has it actually formally ceased?

When the LA tried to cease to maintain, did you appeal?

Has DC had a social care assessment? Have you had a carer’s assessment?

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 10/10/2025 14:55

I would look at something that actually suits 'them'. A trade? Becoming a coach or instructor of sport? Sounds like book learning is not something for now.

FD50 · 10/10/2025 14:58

Hi
Thank you for your help.
When when we were dealing with family sickness and bereavement my other half tried to contact the EHCP Hub but that was a real lack of communication and interest and then of course we were dealing with family bereavements and ongoing sickness so it got pushed to the back for a while.
Think we will look at carers assessment

OP posts:
FD50 · 10/10/2025 15:01

Thank you for your replies.
Due to the upset of ongoing family sickness and bereavement had to put the EHCP plan to one side .
Child now has a formal diagnosis of ASD and ADHD and other stuff and I don't think further education College really suits her I think perhaps we should look at some voluntary work and trying to get a care assessment
I wonder if I should contact the EHCP HUB when we tried to log back into the Hub they had immediately seized it as soon as they took the plan away !
Maybe we should write to them

OP posts:
flawlessflipper · 10/10/2025 15:09

So has the LA formally ceased to maintain the EHCP? EHCPs can be about more than education at college. It is important you know if the EHCP was formally ceased following the correct procedure or not because the answer influences what options are available.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 10/10/2025 18:00

How old is your daughter?

Inlimboin50s · 27/12/2025 11:19

I've been in a similar situation with my d's 18. He did do a level 2 at college but hated college and said the trauma of being bullied at school just had out him off and he can't cope.
So he is now working at a pub,in the kitchen,washing up and helping the chefs. He could never be front of house so this works. He now works over 30 hours and gets there in a little moped( driving lessons didn't work out as too anxious).
I still have to wake him up in the mornings and my life is quite small with caring responsibilities. All the best to your family Op

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