What can I do about my DP and Fil?

[sandwichcat]

i love my DP deeply, but recently we’ve been on rocky grounds. For some background, we’ve been married 16 years. About ten years in he developed serious health problems that caused psychosis as well (that is gone, but the emotional/physical damage and memory loss continues). During that time his mother passed under very unfortunate circumstances. His father refused to let anyone see her during the months leading to her death. He did not allow any of her family to attend her funeral, and then threw away all of her possessions despite requests for small sentimental items.

since her death, FIL has shown his true personality. He is openly racist. He has also said that women of certain races deserve to be raped more by his race so they can be more beautiful. It is horrific. He says this to me as he pinches my body and tells me I am fat and could have been prettier. He knows that I have been raped and does not care.

DP feels responsible to take care of this man. FIL has 8 other children and 3 other wives who do not speak to him. DP Is the only one who still communicates, so he feels responsible.

I love my partner. But how to I address this? I appreciate any and all suggestions. I’ve told DP I am not comfortable with FIL but he is now staying with us for a month in a very small flat. If I had more money I would leave.

Have any of you had similar experiences? I would love your advice <3 thank you so much.

Oh you have to be joking op?

you dh…. A pathetic spineless dick of a man who has spectated his father being abhorrent and sexually abusing his wife

please say you don’t have children with him?

He cannot stay with you, you are in danger. Tell dp to chose which one of you leaves, today.
Please.
Wishing you lots and loads of strength and power.
🍀

Partner needs to kick FIL out or you need to end relationship with partner. Your partner is allowing you to be abused in your own home.

Absolutely NO way will this limp lettuce do anything about his dad

Please tell me you don't have children living with you in this flat (along with your spineless, pathetic husband and his horribly abusive and dangerous father)?

Tell your spineless prick of a DH that FIL leaves today or DH does. You'll not live in a house with FIL. If he wants to care for his racist abusive father, he can do it in FIL property, not yours.

Personally after this, my relationship with DH would be over.

he pinches my body - he would lose those fingers, i'd be logging a call to the police everytime he spoke anything abusive in my presence, and everytime he attempted to touch me.

Your FIL has 3 other wives? Is this a standard cultural thing?

Or is it your DH's siblings' wives?

And none of them speaks to him, I mean that's the biggest red flag going.

Is your DH the oldest?

Tell your dirty old bastard of a FIL that if he lays a finger on you one more time, you will call the police AND THEN DO IT.

Do you have any access to money? Could you leave if necessary?

Why can't you leave? This is untenable.

You have a serious DH problem.

He needs to choose between living with his dad or living with you. He can’t do both.

Have you got somewhere else you can stay? I wouldn't set foot in the same house as your hideous FIL.

Who owns the flat or pays the rent? If you haven't got anywhere else to stay, you need to tell your DP that FIL has got to leave.

Pinching your body is assault btw. He is obviously abusive as well as racist and he shouldn't be allowed in your home.

Why is he staying? Do you have friends or family you can go stay with if you want to give the ultimatum?

Thank you all for your support and advice!! I apologize, in re-reading my original post I realized I was not very clear about a few things, but the situation has resolved for the best.

i spoke to DH again. We realized there was a bad combination of a number of things. On his side, there was guilt about his perceived abandonment of his parents when his mother passed and familial expectations that he be the one to take care of them in their old age. I had also minimized the extent of my personal negative interactions with his father because I didn’t want DH to know I had grown to hate FIL, and I did not want to offend the rest of his wonderful family (who never hear FIL’s racist, misogynist views). After we had a more comprehensive understanding, I decided to stay with friends for a few days so he and his father could still have a visit but I wouldn’t be around.

Before we spoke, there had been talk of FIL moving in with us (I apologize I was not clear, he was coming to visit in anticipation of relocating). I don’t know what they spoke about when I was away, but when I returned, FIL had decided to move back to his home country. Thank you all for your support, you were the voices to remind me I was NOT being unreasonable and the situation needed to be addressed before it got worse!