Rich friends/ poor friends

[TakeMyAdvice]

Husband and I have a group of long standing friends( over 30years).We are mid 60s as are our friends
The group has changed over the years through break ups,new partners, bereavement etc

There are 11 of us.
We were all on a similar income bracket when younger.
We ve had holidays, weekends, days and nights out socially together on a regular basis for years.
We are all retired apart from 1 single lady who still works full time professional.
My husband and I retired on a public pension a few years ago.
I m aware we are very fortunate to have been able to do this.(We both worked full time in extremely stressful jobs since school leavers, puting ourselves through secondary education whilst we had young children to further our careers;taking unpaid leave to obtain required qualifications for our jobs).
I feel we are entitled to our private pension and early retirement. We are not yet claiming state pension.
Everyone else in the group also retired early and are on private pension ,full fund claimed and invested ( draw down).
They are all very much better off financially than us now.
In the past when we socialised we would meet in local pubs ,have a kitty.
If we went for a meal it would be midweek " deal", still nice places though.
Holidays or weekends would be reasonable budget.We d keep the costs down.
The past couple of years has changed everything.
Now we go to wine or cocktail bars in the town centre. Dinners are in quite fancy restaurants, no more " coupons" or " meal deals".No more " kitty" for drinks, but rounds of drinks, everyone takes a turn ,so not saying they don t. We didn t go on holiday with them this year.A cheap winter break was an all inclusive cruise.
The last time we met up ( 3 weeks ago).
We met up for 4 hours ; had drinks and some tapas.
Hubbie told me when we got home we spent £150 for an afternoon out.
We were home by 6pm and hadn t even had dinner.
We ve been asked out again next weekend.
I just don t want to go.Hubbie thinks we ll allienate ourselves if we keep declining invites.
We simply don t have the budget for it.I did speak up last Christmas when the " girls chat- whatsapp" suggested upping the budget for the Christmas gifts.
I said "we spend enough as it is off our meagre income on family gifts", but I made it a " lol", with a laughing emoji, then when they suggested a cocktail bar for the night out ,we didn t go ( made an excuse).I meet up regularly with some of the ladies for coffee.
I ve listened whilst they talk of the interest they earn being a great monthly income on top of their draw down.One said she finds it hard to spend.
I don t want to say anything as I know they ll all agree we ve to either not pay or pay what we can afford and we wouldn t want that.
We do have other friends we see.
We still go regularly to our local pub , we still go to the pics, go for meals and have regular takeaways.We re not skint.
We still have a good social life.Lately I ve really questioned my friendship within this group.We ve lied we re busy re some invitations and short notice cancelled a couple of times.We ve only met up with them 3 times this year.
I feel we are alienating ourselves by choice.My husband is more than happy to follow my lead on whatever I suggest re our social life, so sometimes I just don t tell him about arrangements
AIBU???
Whats everyone's thoughts on this???
TIA

Just say you’d love to meet up and you suggest a couple of economic options and mention that you need to be careful at the moment.

I'm amazed a group of 11 can all meet up monthly/6 weekly.

When the plans are being discussed, I'd be pitching some cheap options-walk in the woods and a pint, coffee and a cake by the river, bring a plate and invite them to yours for drinks and nibbles etc.

If someone comes back with a 'dinner at a swish spa hotel' option, then just say-'we'll sit this one out-need to be a bit careful now we're on on pension budgets'.

I wouldn't spend £150 on tapas for two-you do have choices other than regretting it afterwards.

If they are good friends, they won't give a shit where they see you, they'll just want to see you. If they only want to see you to do expensive things now, then I think they've gone to the dark side and you're really better off without them!

Lately I ve really questioned my friendship within this group.

Why? Just because of this money issue? That seems really odd.
I dont really see why it's such an issue.

You've said if you told them they'd be happy to arrange it so you paid less - they sound nice. You've also said that nit everybody in the group goes to every social event - so why does you not going to a few of the more expensive ones mean you're isolating yourself from the group? I'm assuming the one who still works and isnt in a couple probably misses a few things too -presumably you don't think of her as isolating/separating herself.

Just tell them that you and your husband aren't in exactly the same financial position as them so you might not come to everything but that you don't want them to feel guilty or stop suggesting things they want to do. When you had coffee with just a few of them might have been a good time to chat about this if you don't want to make a big declaration.

Then just carry on as you have been- go to some things you fancy and leave those you don't. Suggest some of the cheaper places you used to all like, don't just wait for someone else to make arrangements. Maybe suggest doing secret santa so you all just get one nice present rather than buying lots of cheaper ones.

Would you dump friends just because they were poorer than you? If "of course not!" then why are you considering doing it just because they're richer? That's not their fault!

Good friends are hard to come by, it seems silly to lose out for something so manageable. Everyone's situation will change over the next decade or two - some will spend a lot of time with grandchildren, others might become seriously ill and not be able to travel etc. unfortunately it's likely some of you will be widowed -its a time when you need good friends and money really is less important than everything else.

Hi
Yes ,we do meet regularly for coffees and walks etc ,the ladies anyway.
Hubbies and I have been avoiding the more expensive days out.
I have had them all over to my house for BBQ too.
I will speak to a few of them next time we re together and explain without making me sound like a pauper or making them feel they are required to pay for us.