Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should actually wfh?

26 replies

FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 06:03

As in, he should actually fuckinging work! He moans non stop that he's always distracted by calls and meetings and can't get his work done so he has to sometimes do extra at the weekends. Yet, this morning, he gets up at some ungodly hour waking me in the process and two hours later he is still sat in the armchair reading a book, having spent a while messing around on his iPad.
I've done the dishwasher, load of laundry in, made lunch for and got DC out to work experience and waiting for my computer to start up so I can work. If I start now, I can finish at 10. So why the fuck can't he do the same?

OP posts:
Toomuch2019 · 10/10/2025 06:35

Hard to vote. He is being unreasonable to wake you up so early but some people take a while to warm up to work, maybe he needs some quiet time get himself going.

FamilyPhoto · 10/10/2025 06:35

WFH really doesn't suit some people, sounds like he is a world class procrastinator.

BCBird · 10/10/2025 06:39

I need 90m preferably 2h to ' come to come around ' in the morning 🙄. I do live alone do I suppose that's ok.

Nocalmwaters · 10/10/2025 06:41

How will you be finished by 10? What do you do?

Cantseetreesforthewood · 10/10/2025 06:55

DH wfh. He is usually asleep when I leave.
I'm currently sat on the sofa, scrolling through MN, about to go and make 3x packed lunches.
Waking you needlessly - unacceptable.
Sitting chilling, at 7am in the morning rather than working, fine.

Howszaboutthat · 10/10/2025 07:03

He probably knows he’s a procrastinator and I reckon he also hates his job. I can kind of empathise. I get up about 6 and it takes a good hour for me to have a coffee and read the online newspaper and mumsnet as a form of escape, before facing the pain of working out and then the stress of work. Sometimes I have to work weekends. This hour in the morning is my me-time. I don’t have holidays, a whizzy car, expensive hobbies or fancy clothes - I pay the bills and give financial support to my children.

(But then, my kids are grown up and when I was younger, I would be like you, scurrying around sorting things out for the children.)

I think it’s unfair to expect your partner to operate on the same schedule as you. I’m assuming he does help out at other times of the day? If he doesn’t, then yes, his behaviour is problematic.

When I opened up this thread I wondered how long before someone came along to tell you your partner has ADHD and that you should not only lump it, but maybe write him a list and look after him like he was a child. I would absolutely disagree with that. If he’s got a good job, he can help at home.

Original poster
FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 07:56

I think it’s unfair to expect your partner to operate on the same schedule as you.
and it's fair for him to wake me so early? It's not my schedule of choice! He could at least do something useful. No, he doesn't really help out as such. The evenings and weekends are time for him to relax...

I work part time today so only need to do 4 hours. And I won't be finished at 10 as I've been scheduled a meeting 😫

OP posts:
gannett · 10/10/2025 08:21

I really wouldn't take kindly to my partner taking on the role of my manager and thinking they could have any say at all in how I manage my work.

You can frequently find me "relaxing" or "reading" or "messing around" when I'm technically WFH because a lot of my job depends on waiting for something to happen, or someone else to do something, before I can do anything at all.

Is he waking you up because he's being loud and thoughtless or are you a light sleeper who would wake up even if he tiptoed out of bed? DP is the latter; I no longer feel guilty if I wake him up early.

Howszaboutthat · 10/10/2025 11:12

FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 07:56

I think it’s unfair to expect your partner to operate on the same schedule as you.
and it's fair for him to wake me so early? It's not my schedule of choice! He could at least do something useful. No, he doesn't really help out as such. The evenings and weekends are time for him to relax...

I work part time today so only need to do 4 hours. And I won't be finished at 10 as I've been scheduled a meeting 😫

I’d agree in theory to the waking you up thing.

What time are we talking about? 4am?

Is he being loud? Are you a light sleeper?

Original poster
FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 12:46

I am not a light sleeper. He is being loud and turns the light on. My internal monologue has been screaming at me all morning! I am maybe feeling slightly more rational now. But still annoyed! And tired. And obviously I didn't tell him to get on with his work! Maybe he does need some quiet time to himself. Wouldn't that be nice!?!

OP posts:
Bonbon249 · 11/10/2025 14:26

I would be having words with him for waking me up early. He can take all the time he wants but leave me in peace!

Easterchicken · 11/10/2025 15:00

You sound like you two need to sit down and have a chat there's a lot of anger and resentment here and it's not healthy for you and your marriage

DreamyTealGuide · 11/10/2025 15:17

In most places, not doing any work would be pretty obvious and he wouldn't keep that job for very long.

I would have a word about not waking me up in the morning full stop - I don't care if he leaves to commute or to have a cup of coffee in the kitchen, no need to wake up everyone else in the process.

If he can't behave like a human being, he can sleep on the sofa.

How he manages his time on the other hand, not my problem, just let me sleep and don't be in my way when I am working

Zanatdy · 11/10/2025 15:42

I wake at 5 or earlier, leave for work at 7.45. I couldn’t wake up and start work. I can WFH but prefer to go into the office every day.

CarpetKnees · 11/10/2025 15:43

He is being loud and turns the light on.

He IBVVVVVVVU for that ^
My dh manages to get up 2 hours before I need to wake up, and slip out of the bedroom without waking me up when he needs to. He gets his clothes out the night before and leaves them in the bathroom to get dressed.

If he tried to put the light on and was loud I, too, would be very angry at him too.

Re your title, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect anyone who is working from home to actually be doing the work they were employed to do, BUT I understand we all do different jobs which work in different ways, and assume any skiving will be managed by their employer. I am aware that people manage their time differently, and that people have different sort of jobs which work in different ways.

WildLeader · 11/10/2025 15:50

You know what it costs to make the effort NOT to wake someone up when you’re getting up stupid early and they don’t need/want to?

absolutely NOTHING

tell this prick NOT to wake you up unless the house is on fire or otherwise he’ll be forming the foundations for your new patio.

mean it.

Toofficeornot · 11/10/2025 16:00

I work from home full time and still do pretty much everything for the house.
Dh works full time in an office and says he is too tired to do anything round the house.
Which in all honesty is better than when he worked from home as he still did nothing plus did hardly anything for his actual job as he is crap at wfh dicsipline. And so i said he needed to find an office job so at least i dont have to look at him doing fuxk all all day.

I feel your pain.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2025 17:19

Well he definitely shouldn’t be being loud early in the morning and putting lights on. That’s unacceptable.

It’s all very well people say “he can work to his own schedule” but so should you be able to.

He sounds very inconsiderate OP.

Pherian · 11/10/2025 18:49

FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 07:56

I think it’s unfair to expect your partner to operate on the same schedule as you.
and it's fair for him to wake me so early? It's not my schedule of choice! He could at least do something useful. No, he doesn't really help out as such. The evenings and weekends are time for him to relax...

I work part time today so only need to do 4 hours. And I won't be finished at 10 as I've been scheduled a meeting 😫

Go whinge at your husband. Throw the hate towards him instead of people in here. Maybe it will help you both start working on your communication.

User37482 · 11/10/2025 18:57

Yeah this is why DH doesn’t work from home. He’d end up wandering around after me having a chat and a coffee and then falling asleep in his chair. Too much actual work to do.

TheStormWeShare · 11/10/2025 20:51

Presumably he does get his work done as his employer would have noticed. Not working to your schedule is fine, he shouldn’t have to, as is not starting work as soon as he gets up if he’s up early. He should try not to wake you if you’re sleeping and should pull his weight at home, although as you’re part time, if he does full time, then you’ll do more of the home and kids stuff presumably. If he only does part time, he should be doing a lot more.

NellieElephantine · 11/10/2025 21:00

@FridayIsItFridayYet Maybe he does need some quiet time to himself. Wouldn't that be nice!?! why aren't you getting quiet time to yourself if you only work part time, could be finished at 10am and dc are at school?

Theslummymummy · 12/10/2025 14:28

Pherian · 11/10/2025 18:49

Go whinge at your husband. Throw the hate towards him instead of people in here. Maybe it will help you both start working on your communication.

Show quote history

Lol no one has thrown hate at anyone on here. Not sure why youre projecting.

abbynabby23 · 12/10/2025 15:27

FridayIsItFridayYet · 10/10/2025 06:03

As in, he should actually fuckinging work! He moans non stop that he's always distracted by calls and meetings and can't get his work done so he has to sometimes do extra at the weekends. Yet, this morning, he gets up at some ungodly hour waking me in the process and two hours later he is still sat in the armchair reading a book, having spent a while messing around on his iPad.
I've done the dishwasher, load of laundry in, made lunch for and got DC out to work experience and waiting for my computer to start up so I can work. If I start now, I can finish at 10. So why the fuck can't he do the same?

Everyone is different. He might need sometime to himself and this is the only way he gets it! As long as his boss is happy, then I don’t know why you are complaining

Phoenixfire1988 · 12/10/2025 22:58

Does he like a nice lie in on a weekend ? I'd take a sudden interest in heavy rock at volume 100 while hoovering and when he complains just tell him " oh I thought waking you wouldn't be an issue since you like to wake me up banging about and turning lights on for no fucking reason "