Annoyed at DH

[Peep23]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old.

DH goes out this evening for a drink with people from work. Beforehand gets dinner ready for me, helps with the toddler etc. All good.

Proceeds to stay out until gone midnight and comes home pissed out his head. Is sleeping in the spare room next to the toddler snoring so loudly that I’ve had to go in and roll him over so he doesn’t wake her up.

AIBU to be annoyed at him for getting so pissed? Have no issue with him going out but given the current situation thought he might have been a bit sensible about it so he can give me a hand overnight if needed. I know what he’ll say is ‘if you’re annoyed why did you say I could go out’. Imagine he’ll be utterly useless and hungover tomorrow too and somehow I’ll be the bad guy for being annoyed.

I think it depends how often this happens. If it’s a rare occurrence then I would say you are being unreasonable and to give him a break; if he does this every week or every month then you’re justified in being pissed off.

If he is normally considerate and this is a one off “wetting the babies head” similar to a stag do, I’d let it go. If it’s a norm I’d question having a second child with the prick

I think that given you have a 2 WEEK old it's not on. Those are early days in the thick of it and he should know this. Yes you said go out, but you didn't say come back obliterated to the point you can't help and support me. I think the age of your 2nd is the factor here. Going out and getting pissed is ok - as long as you are supported enough to get through it.
Me and partner will only go out and come back so drunk we can't help the other if we have pre planned it, you know made sure that the other is aware that there going to be managing it all alone.
Did he go out and get drunk with your first baby? If so was it ok then?
I think maybe next time he is going out talk about it, ask if he's planning on getting so drunk he is no use at all - which is fair because you need to know what to expect. Especially with a 2 week old, I hope you're feeling ok so early on.

You have a 2 week old baby. He's a cunt.

Nah I missed the bit about the baby. He should be up in the night too.

That’s definitely not on.

On a Friday, is he normally working or parenting?

Prick, cunt... Jesus Christ have people on here never had a couple more drinks than expected on a night out?

I imagine it's been a full on two weeks and he's been caught up with the drinking and gone too far. I don't think this alone makes him a prick or a cunt. And he can't help snoring.

As a one off I'd let it go. But maybe I'm just wrong and he is a cunt that you clearly shouldn't be having child with 🙄

What would you need a hand overnight for??
Tbh I can't see an issue . Id be pissed off if a partner of mine started moaning about me being pissed ( and sleeping in a spare room)

Yep, he is absolutely, definitely a selfish, over entitled cunt.

And maybe an alcoholic too since it's bizarre to get so munted when a baby is just two weeks old. Absolutely abnormal.

Has he always been a selfish drunkard?

Doing nappy changes to give the op a tiny bit more sleep since she’s still recovering herself from having a baby and nappy changes don’t need a vagina? Walking baby up and down when they won’t sleep as walking around carrying a baby doesn’t require boobs? Both really helpful things to enable a woman recovering from giving birth to get a little more sleep?

I forgot managing the toddler wakes if they are that kind of toddler, no need for boobs or a vagina there either.

Man helps get baby ready for bed and then goes out for a drink and ends up having too many. Yeah it's not ideal but we've all been there haven't we. No no no he's a prick, a cunt and now probably an alcoholic. Oh and over entitled.

I wonder why people say Mumsnet hates men...

I do not think it's the crime of the century but how often does it happen?

He came home first and helped & he then came home no later than 1am?

I would be pretty pissed off actually. At 2 weeks old you're in the thick of recovery and sleepless nights, add in a toddler and yeah I would think he was a selfish dick.

Once a man gets married and has children he should be there to support his wife, not go out getting drunk.

I’ve no objection to either parent going out for a few drinks. But disagree with getting hammered when you are coming g home and especially when you have a tiny baby.

I voted YABU because the days with babies and young children are the worst for getting drunker than you intended as for me I hardly went out and when I did i could hardly tolerate alcohol but tried to drink my normal amount. Also for me it was freedom and I threw myself into the occasion as it was so rare. Plus the daily pressures and responsibilities are so much that it was lovely to escape and let go. So it depends on the regularity of this as to whether he should be cut some slack. I hardly drink now as it just makes life so much harder. I know a 2 week baby is very new but I had traumatic pregnancies and births, so just to let go from all that worry was good too. So it depends on your situation really. I would just hesitate to come down on him too hard as it could be you rolling in next time 😁

Seriously? She's two weeks pp and presumably up several times with the newborn and possibly the toddler. But yeah, why might she need a hand 🙄

OP the biggest issue I see is this idea that you are the grown up giving or denying him permission to go out ..there was a brilliant thread the other day where someone said she refuses to play that role. When her H asks her if he can go or do X she just says, think about what a decent, supportive partner would do and do that. It might involve going but organising childcare or going but prepping dinner first or whatever. The onus is on him.

Thanks for your replies! In the light of day I’m definitely less annoyed 🤣 he’s definitely not a c*nt, or an alcoholic, and it doesn’t happen often! He definitely got carried away - paying for it now with a bad head. He did get up with the toddler first thing this morning despite feeling awful, so definitely redeemed himself.

You said it better than I could.

I hope his sore head has been particularly bad and that the baby cried a lot in his vicinity while he was in pain @Peep23

Congrats on the birth of your 2 week old btw 🥳